A Drama Provider

I took a deep breath in. I felt like my heart was about to pound out of my chest. No consoling hugs or words could get me out of this mess. Somehow, it made me feel a bit better, finally telling Kyle the whole truth and not just bits and pieces. But that didn’t make it any easier to go through with it.

After my miniature breakdown, I pulled myself together and changed into fresh clothes. Washing my face and brushing my teeth made me feel a little more clean and ready. Then I called Kyle.

He was hesitant at first. I guess his heart’s been broken enough over the past month too. He did finally agree to see me however, and that’s what counts. I made myself sick when I thought about what I was about to tell him. Kyle didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve to have his heart trampled on by a tramp.

I flinched at the word in my head. It was true, but again, it didn’t make it easier. I was a tramp, a whore, a good for nothing slut. Tears stung in my eyes; I quickly wiped the traces away and forced the words out of my head. If I was going to get through this, I would have to be brave. I laughed bitterly and spotted the platinum blond sitting at a picnic bench under the food tent.

“Hey Kyle,” I sat down across from him and watched his bright blue eyes rise from his plate.

“Afternoon gorgeous,” Kyle smiled with such ease. “So what’s the awful news you’ve come to give me?” He was still smiling but I could see the sadness in it now. Kyle must have picked up on my confusion from my expression as he waved, “I know there’s something you’ve gotta say and from the tone of your voice earlier, I’m guessing it’s bad, so just get it out.” He shrugged while my heart sank into my stomach. He’d been through enough without having to add all this, so why was fate deciding to be a bitch at this particular moment?

“I wanted you to know,” I started and then stopped. The exact words hadn’t formed in my mind quite right yet, so I was still having a bit of difficulty putting it together. “I kissed Caleb while we were together.” I blurted, finally deciding to stop walking around the edges of the truth, and just to be blunt.

Kyle looked truly shocked. His eyes were wide and his mouth slightly open. No emotion was clear on his face as he just stared at me.

“And I went on a date with him after we broke up.” I added while I tried to control my fidgeting. “And I kissed Jonathan.” I bit my bottom lip and waited. I knew he was thinking it over, comprehending it as best he could. His gaze dropped down to his mostly empty plate. His lips were pressed firmly together and I saw his fare skin start to turn red. There was firm pressure at the back of my head while tears piled up in my eyes, making my vision blurry.

“I can’t fucking believe it.” He muttered lowly, shaking his head. His blue eyes raised again to meet mine and I shrunk back from them. They were fierce and glared at me with anger, something I’d never seen when he looked at me. “How could you?” Betrayal and distrust were evident in his voice, and it broke my heart to hear them.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry,” I sniffled, trying to keep the tears back as I stared into his eyes. “I’m really sorry.” I knew the words didn’t have an inch on the way I felt, but it had to help.

“I’m sorry,” Kyle repeated bitterly. Okay, it didn’t help at all. “Yeah, well, I’m sorry too. Sorry I ever trusted your cheating ass.” He spat the words and stood, glaring down at me. “Don’t call me again, in fact, just delete my number from your phone.” He shook his head and stared out in space. “Don’t come around the bus either,” his head snapped back to me, “lying sleeze.” He mumbled his last harsh words and stormed off, leaving his plate on the table.

I allowed tears to slide down my cheeks while I picked his plate up and threw it in the trash. I felt ridiculous, walking around with tears, and probably my makeup, streaming down my cheeks. It was stupid that I was so worked up when it was so obviously my fault. I was trying to find my way back to All Time Low’s bus through my severe blurred vision. I ran into a few people and ignored their questions about my well-being.

“Dell?” I turned quick on my heel at the voice behind me. He was close, so close that I crashed into his chest without even moving my feet forward. “Dell, what’s wrong?” His arms wrapped around me soothingly while his voice came out worried. I cried harder into his chest as I wrapped my arms around him tightly. He kept whispering “it’s okay, Dell, it’s all okay” in my ear, over and over. All I could do was shake my head and cry my eyes out. They were sore, and no doubt red and puffy.

“I-I-I’m s-s-sorry,” I sniffed and wiped my eyes hard, ignoring the pain that ensued.

“Sorry? What on earth are you sorry for?” Jonathan gripped the tops of my arms and held me steady while he tried to catch my gaze. I wouldn’t let him.

“S-s-sorry for cr-cr-crying on y-y-your shirt,” I glanced at his shirt and saw the damp spots and the bit of black makeup on it.

“No! No, no, no, Dell; don’t be sorry. It’s just a shirt. It doesn’t matter.” Jonathan chuckled lightly as he pulled me back to his chest, cradling me like a little kid. “What matters is what happened.”

“It’s nothing; I’m fine.” I pushed away from him, making my face smooth and hard. I didn’t deserve pity or sympathy.

“Dell, you can tell me,” he reached out and took my hand, squeezing it lightly. He was still trying to catch my eyes while I adverted them away at all costs. “I’m here for you, babe.” I flinched at the last word. I didn’t deserve to ever have anyone call me that with such affection ever again. My eyes were welling up again.

“I can’t,” I shook my head and sniffed, trying to keep the tears at bay. Jonathan must have noticed my eyes glazing over again as he cupped my face in his warm hands.

“Adele, please?” He sounded broken, like me not telling him what was going on was hurting him physically. The sound was what finally let me look him in the eye.

“I screwed up.” I mumbled while the tears seemed to dry up at his gaze. Such fierce, blue eyes stared at me, but with a complete different emotion than the ones before.

“I think that’s impossible,” Jonathan smiled a little, seeing the tears leave seemed to make him feel better too.

“But, I did.” I sniffled and felt him squeeze my hand again, encouraging me to continue. “I screwed up big time.” I laughed bitterly, feeling the strike in my heart as I thought about Kyle again.

“Well, I have a feeling you’re not going to give it up to me right now, in the middle of all this,” Jonathan looked around at the random people passing us and then back at me, “and I was on my way to the merch booth, so I’ll let you go for now.” My heart sank at the prospect of being by myself again. “But I want to have lunch with you tomorrow.” The left corner of my mouth inched upward, getting a huge grin from Jonathan in response.

“Only if you promise to forgive me,” I tilted my head and thought it odd how our spots just switched.

“There is no forgiving needed,” Jonathan spoke in a rush as he pulled me into him again, “I’m just thankful you’re talking to me.” I smiled at his kind words.

“I guess there’s never any forgiving needed between us; we’re best friends.” Staring into Jonathan’s eyes brought along the conviction. “Always will be,” I gently squeezed him and patted his back before I pulled away. “I’m sorry for the things I said.” I admitted and watched as he pulled on a classic, crooked grin.

“Eh, it was our first big fight,” he shrugged, “and now that it’s over, we’re back to normal.” He leaned down quick and pecked my cheek.

“It’s nice to have something be normal,” I commented and felt bad as I watched him bounce on his heels. “You better go; I don’t want to make you any more late than what you already are.” I pushed him slightly and smiled at the sound of his chuckle.

“Not before I do this,” Jonathan winked before he leaned in again. I figured he was going to kiss my other cheek, which meant he caught me completely off guard when his lips brushed against mine, first softly then intensely. I kissed back half heartedly, still in too much shock to fully kiss him. Jonathan pulled back first, resting his forehead on mine and beaming like a maniac. “That felt so good.” I giggled and shook my head, pulling away from him once again.

“You’re a nerd,” I told him and smiled when he started to walk backwards with his hands held up.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Dell!” Jonathan yelled and then turned, leaving me a bit baffled. I shook my head and continued on my way to the bus. Upon entering, I found three boys in the front of bus.

“Delly!” Matt yelled as his eyes lit up on me. “Are you trying to give me a heart attack!”

“Course not, Matty,” I smiled and wiped at my cheeks again, a little self conscious about the tear tracks I was hoping nobody noticed.

“Then why the hell did you run off without your phone when you are All Time Low’s new singer?” Matt was looking like he had actually had a heart attack. I opened my mouth to answer, but he held his hand up, “just go change while I try to breath.” He pushed me toward the back and sat on the couch.

“Ooo, Delly’s in the dog house,” Jack teased from the kitchen booth.

“Guess she’ll have to kiss up to Matty Matt to get on his good side,” Zack laughed and high fived with Jack. I stuck my tongue out at the two and kept walking to the back. I saw Rian lying down in the back on the phone, probably talking to his beloved girlfriend, and waved to him. Alex was lying in his bunk, the curtain pulled to one side, and a pretty smile on his lips.

“How are you doing, doll?” I brushed the hair out of his face and smiled as he seemed to grin bigger.

“Better,” he whispered, making a face after he spoke. It made me think he was telling a little lie as his smile turned into an awful grimace.

“Just keep throwing back liquids and eating soup,” I bent and kissed his forehead. Alex placed his hand on top of mine on the side of his face. “Wanna help me pick out my rockstar outfit for today?” A wicked grin slid across his pretty features causing me to giggle. “You have to promise not to make me look too slutty,” I mentioned as he quickly hopped out of the bunk, pulling me and my duffel bag into the bathroom.

I sat on the sink, slightly surprised that it held up my weight, as I watched Alex rummage through my things. He pulled out a pair of my shortest shorts and a revealing shirt that made me flush with embarrassment. “I’m not wearing that,” I shook my head while Alex rolled his eyes. He fumbled around a bit more with my clothes before pulling out a summer dress I hadn’t known I’d packed. Dresses just weren’t practical for tour, but then I figured Kyle had probably packed it while my back was turned. “Fine,” I sighed and took the dress from him. “What about my hair?” I watched as he raised his eyebrows at me. He pulled out my hair bow and started to run his fingers through my hair. “I’ll take that as down?” I giggled while he nodded and grinned at me. “Okay, mister, time to get out.” I opened the bathroom door and pointed out the room. Alex pulled his adorable puppy dog pout before trudging out.

I shook my head again at his odd behavior and closed the door before I quickly stripped from my clothes. I shook off the dirty feeling and slipped into the dress, smiling at my reflection while I smoothed my hair down. I had to wash my face again to get the feel of the tears off of it and reapply a bit of makeup to fully cover up the redness. I stepped out of the bathroom and ran into Zack.

“Wow,” Zack muttered while he steadied me. I noticed him looking me up and down and became overly conscious of just how short my dress was. “You look great.”

“Alex picked it out,” I mumbled and stared at my feet.

“Just be careful on stage,” he smirked and let go of me, “don’t want anyone getting sneak previews of our Delly.” My nose scrunched up with disgust while he chuckled and went into the back area yelling at Rian.

“Alex!” I whined as I stomped to the front of the bus. I was definitely not going to be comfortable jumping around the stage in a dress. I crossed my arms over my chest as I drew three boys attention toward me.

“Whoa, Delly,” Jack’s mouth dropped open while he eyed me up and down. It was really getting old.

“Well you are definitely going to attract some boys to watch the set,” Matt chuckled.

“I don’t think I can wear this,” I stared at Alex while I spoke, pulling at the fabric nervously.

“You look gorgeous,” Alex mumbled and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder.

“Where’s Rian?” Matt carried on and I was thankful that my ‘stunning’ presence wasn’t a big deal anymore.

“Still talking to Kara,” Zack came up from behind Alex and I and draped an arm around each of us so it looked like we were having a group hug, with me at the center.

“Rian!” Matt yelled and pushed past us as he hurried to the back.

“Aw! I want to be a part of the hug too!” Jack complained and joined on the opposite side from Alex.

“Guys,” I breathed out, “I’m feeling a bit claustrophobic.”

“Matt! Delly wants you to come hug her!” Jack screeched, quite close to my ear, making me flinch.

“I seriously can’t breathe,” I gasped as everyone seemed to squeeze closer. I closed my eyes briefly and then the weight was gone.

“Alright, let’s get this party done with,” Jack punched his fist in the air while Zack, behind him, did the same thing.

“Have fun,” Alex kissed my cheek before pushing me after them.

“See ya in a bit, man,” Matt patted Alex’s shoulder behind me, “and try to get some rest.”

“Anywhere we go, everybody kno-ows, we got the party with us!” All heads turned as Rian brought up the rear singing. “What? It was playing in Kara’s car and now it’s stuck in my head.” He defended while I cracked up with the rest of the guys.