Dreaming Up A Secret

I couldn’t pry my eyes open yet, but I could hear voices in the background, and feel that Aiden had gotten off the bed to let me sleep, though I had no problem sleeping with him. No…not that kinda. Don’t…say…it.
“What was I supposed to do Alice? Tell my suicidal boyfriend I don’t love him?” He said, trying to be quiet so he wouldn’t wake me up.
“No,” frustration leaked through her voice, “but you’re only fourteen! You’re to young to be in love.”
“I can’t fucking control it Alice, I just can’t.”
“Don’t lead him on, imagine how much more damage you could do! Ronan could be dead right now!”
“But he’s not!”
“He was close!”
“But he’s fine!”
“Aiden! He could’ve not been! He was so fucking close to dying! If you hadn’t…” her enraged voice trailed off.
“If I hadn’t what Alice?”
“If you hadn’t fucking cheated on him!”
I opened one now wet eye, not enough that they could tell it was open, just enough to see Aiden standing there, a look of total shock in his face.
“Wha…what?”
“Last night. When you were fucking DRUNK!”
Aiden face drained of color and he gripped onto the wall for balance.
“I…I…I…didn’t…no…didn’t…cheat…I…I…I…love him.”
Alice rolled her eyes, “of course you don’t remember, you were drunk out of your mind, but Ronan does.”
Alice stalked out of the room.
Aiden hit the floor with a thump.
“Baby!”
My eyes shot open as I struggled to pull myself out of the bed. I managed to pull my feet out of bed, but upon hitting the ground, they collapsed beneath me. I chocked on my tears as I pulled myself weakly over to him, clinging onto whatever grip I had of reality. Cradling his head in my lap, I tried to hold back my tears, operative word being tried.
Needless to say, with Alice gone, when some nurse passed by, she called for the Syringe Nurse. So Syringe Nurse hurried to the room, and started trying to pry me off of Aiden, which made me cry harder.
Rolling her eyes, Syringe Nurse pulled out one of the needles and brought it up to my arm, causing me to shake uncontrollably. Did I mention my fear of needles? I know, ironic for a cutter. She pushed it into my arm and tapped her toe for a second before I felt like I was losing control. Though I tried desperately to cling onto Aiden for my life, the medication kicked in and my arms fell off him as I slipped out of consciousness.
~ *** ~
I blinked my eyes open, hating Syringe Nurse. I glanced around the room to see Aiden in the empty bed across the room.
He was talking to himself, “shouldn’t of…couldn’t of…doesn’t deserve me…” was all I could make out.
“Aiden?”
“Ronan!” He jumped out of the bed and rushed over to mine.
“Baby, I’m so sorry!”
“Aiden, its fine-” he cut me off.
“Its not fine. I was horrible. I hurt you. This…this is all my fault.”
“NO! No its not! Aiden, you didn’t cut me, and you didn’t make me cut myself. It was my choice and my fault.”
“But Ronan-”
“No buts. Its my fault. Not yours. Now come here,” I motioned towards my face.
He leaned down towards my face like I had said so I could kiss him…but he didn’t kiss back.
“Aiden, baby, please, its not your fault.”
He didn’t say anything.
“HOLY CRAP!” I hadn’t noticed Tom had been in the room, Alice beside him.
Aiden turned and walked out of the room; Tom got up to follow him; Alice walked over to my bed as another tear rolled down my cheek. Damn teenage emotions, I’m sick of crying so much.
“Why?” I asked Alice.
“Because he’s sure you don’t deserve him, which honestly, I can’t say I disagree with.”
“Alice! I really do love him!”
“Emhm, I understand.”
“But you don’t! You don’t know what its like to feel this way!”
“Ronan, sweetie, its ok,” she was the only one who could call me sweetie and I didn’t mind.
“I don‘t know what to do…what if he doesn‘t like me because I did this?”
Alice laughed, “he will always like you, that much is clear.”
“But what if-” I stopped, clenching my teeth to the extreme pain that hit me.
Great, now not only was I in inner, emotional pain, I was in outer, pain, pain.
“Ronan? Are you ok?”
I shook my head yes. Alice rolled her eyes and left the room. I don’t know why everyone’s rolling there eyes so much. Its like some kind of weird eye rolling disease going around. How would you catch that? Do you have to poke someone’s eye or something?
Alice returned with Syringe Nurse. I cringed as she looked around her cart for some medication, then let out a little yelp as she poked a needle into my arm unnecessarily hard. She pulled it out roughly and left.
It didn’t take long for the medicine to kick in, just a few minutes. I let out a sigh of relief and Alice smiled.
“I hate her.”
“What? Why?”
“She poked my wayyy to hard!”
“Don’t be a baby!”
“Why does he hate me?” It didn’t take long for my mind to wander back to Aiden.
“He doesn’t hate you? Don’t you get it? He likes you, he blames himself for hurting you.”
“But its not his fault!”
“Oh, get real, Ronan, you forget that I was there, I saw how much it tore you up inside when that other guy kissed him. You know that if you‘d never seen that, you would‘ve been at home right now.”
“But, he didn’t mean it! It was the alcohol!”
“Why are you still defending him?”
“Its true!”
Alice shook her head slowly.
~ Aiden’s Point Of View ~
“Man, its ok,” Tom said, hand on my shoulder.
“No, its not, I hurt him, this is all my fault!”
“No its not.”
I hated myself for everything I had put Ronan through. He loved me and I was busy making out with some other guy? Ya, I was a great boyfriend. Just fucking great. I didn’t deserve Ronan, he was wonderful. He should get the best of the best of the best and instead he got a cheating, drinking, bastard.
“Listen, Tom, Alice was right! I shouldn’t have him.”
“Oh. My. God. You know how Alice gets! She was just on one of her rants! You can’t believe a thing that she says when she’s mad like that!”
Though he was partially right. Alice did get like that a lot. When she was mad, she would rant and say mean things and hurt you. She knew exactly what got to all of us. But he was also wrong, because in this case, Alice was right. Which is exactly what I told him.
“Come’on.”
“I’ve got to give him a chance.” I muttered.
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve got to give him a chance to find someone better.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ve got to let Ronan find someone else. Someone better. A good boyfriend. He can fall in love and be happy.”
“He’s in love and he’s happy!”
“A happy person would not do that to them self! I’ve got to breakup with him…for his sake.”
“Aiden! No! You can’t! Do you have any clue what that would do to him? He cut himself when you kissed someone else! If you left him…” he stopped.
“I’ve got to, it’ll be good for him.”
“Aiden! This will not be good! Bad!”
I walked back into the room where Ronan was laying, shooting Alice a look that said I needed to talk to him alone. Alice walked out of the room, Tom leading her, whispering things as they walked.
“Ronan…we need to talk.”
“What’s wrong, Aidy?”
“Ronan….I think we should, ah, you know…”
I couldn’t say it, it hurt to much. I just kept telling myself it was for Ronan. I had to do it for him. He’s be better off in the long run.
I saw tears forming in the back of his eyes.
“What?” His voice cracked.
“I’m breaking up with you.”
Tears spilled all down his face as he shook his head slightly.
“Yo-you said you loved me.”
“I’m sorry.”
I walked out of the room.