I´m trying

I never thought my body could hold so much, it was three in the morning and we were gasping our hearts out from the last love making session. When I arrived at Gerard’s room, it was 10 pm more or less, and I had already lost the count of how many times we have done it.
I was lying on his chest hearing his heart, beating fast. He was wrapping me in his arms tightly; I felt a kiss on my head and had to smile at the feeling.
“Where's she, by the way?”
“Visiting some relatives, I’ll talk to her, when she comes back in two days.”
Finally it was over, I felt so relieved that he was breaking up with her.
“I think I should take a shower. I’m stinky.”
“Yeah, I like it” Gerard said in a sexy voice.
“You’re stinky too...” I said smelling his chest.
“Maybe I should take a shower too...”
I stood up and walked, naked, to the bathroom. He was staring me.
I stopped at the door.
“Are you coming?” I asked in a very seductive voice.
He got up to come me; I was already in the shower.
He entered naked and hugged me by the waist.
“It’s hot.” I said.
“You’re hot” He said kissing my neck.
“Yeah I know.” I giggle. “But I meant the water.”
I laugh as we kiss.

I got out first with a towel wrapped on my waist.
And started to collect my clothes.
When Gerard came out, he looked disappointment at the fact that I was fully dressed.
“Don’t be a junkie!” I said, when I saw the deception on his face.
He sat next to me as I was putting my shoe on and gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek.
“So, you’ll talk to her…”
“When she comes back”. He finished my phrase. “I’ve already told you. Don’t worry babe.”
I smiled at him.
“You’re so cute, when you smile like that.”
I kissed him on the lips; he grabbed my neck and deepened the kiss. My hands were going south when I stopped.
“What?”
“Is it late or early?”
“Who cares?” He tried to kiss me again.
“C’mon... Gee, We have half a life to do all of this.”
He just smiled and let me go.

I woke up a couple of hours later on my bed, in my room. I could hear Bob's snores. I smiled at the memory of Gerard.
Suddenly I heard a voice.
“That was a difficult song, ah?” It was Bob.
“Yeah.”
“How did it get?”
“Perfect.”

..

The next day it was pretty much the same. I was so happy to have Gerard only for me. We made love and stayed in bed for hours talking, eating and just laughing.
Now, Gerard was sleeping, and I was staring at him. Damn. He was so fucking beautiful, his chest, his shoulders, his choppy pale face, his mouth, everything about him was perfect. I couldn’t help it, and started to stroke his chest gently.
I shouldn’t. He’s sleeping so peacefully.
My hand started to wandered lower, until it reach his also sleeping member. I stroked it very softly. Gerard made a little noise. I kept stroking him gently with my fingers.
“What?” He started to wake up. I took the opportunity and took his whole member in my hand and started to rub it fast. Gerard opened his eyes wide, now. I started to kiss him furiously and he immediately responded. I kept stroking him until he screamed out my name in satisfaction. I stood there looking at him while he caught his breath again.
“What a way of waking up someone, Frankie." He said with his eyes still closed.
I laughed.
“You can go back to sleep now.”
He opened his eyes and kissed me one more time.
We held each other in our arms until we fall sleep.

The show was amazing the next night, the crow was amazing, the band was amazing, everything was perfect. You could tell, things were right. After the show, we signed a couple of autographs, and went to talk to the kids. It was always nice hearing things like, 'Your music saved my life.' or 'I love you Frankie!' or 'you’re so hot.' It always made me happy.
Gerard disappeared from view, I knew he was probably talking to Lind-Z, that was going to be hard. I went to my bunk, not the hotel room that night. I spent hours there, it was late and there was nobody inside. I stared to wonder were they were

As I waited for the guys to come back to the bus, I fell sleep, I dreamt about me and Gerard being together, we were getting to the sex part when I heard someone enter the bus.
“Sorry, did I wake you?”
“It’s okay.” I rubbed my eyes with the hands, trying to wake up.
He sat next to me and kissed me full on the lips.
I could feel something different in his kiss, like a need to fulfill something. I gently broke the kiss,
“So, did you…”
He put his finger over my lips and didn’t let me finish the sentence; he kissed me again.
“Gerard, what’s wrong?” I could smell something strange.
“Nothing.” His eyes were different; I didn't know what to make of it.
He kissed me again, and laid on top of me.
“Hey, what if someone comes?”
He didn’t listen to me. He moved his mouth to a spot on my neck and started kissing it. I didn’t care anymore if someone came.
“Gerard...” I managed to say. He took off both of our shirts. “I love you.” I said between kisses.
He stopped. “I love you so much.” I said again. He looked at me, into my eyes, again I saw that strange look in his eyes confused me. He closed his eyes and kept kissing me.
I grabbed his face with my hands and pushed him away.
“Say it.” I needed to hear it. I felt the growing desire of listening to those three words come out of his mouth.
He tried to ignore me.
“Gee?” I asked him like a child.
“I love you Frankie, more than your imagine.”
I smiled at him. Everything was perfect now.
We made love, it was beautiful, not even sexy or hot. It was the most beautiful feeling in the world. As we reached an orgasm together, he collapsed upon me, breathing heavenly. I could hear his sobs.
“Gee? Are you crying?”
“No.” He said laying next to me, rubbing his eyes.
“You’re crying!” Why was he crying? “What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing, I’m very happy.” I kissed him slightly on the lips and fell asleep.
----
“Frank? Frank!?!”
“What?” I woke up slowly and looked around. “Where is…?”
I suddenly realized that Ray was in front of me.
“Men, did you had sex on the bus?” He asked with a horrified face.
I looked down at me, I was naked and cover only by a blanket.
“Man, first rule! No chicks on the bus, remember?”
“Ah. Yeah, sorry” I said not paying any real attention. Where was Gerard? He was the only thing on my mind.
“Now I know where were you were during the ceremony. We missed you.” He sat on the front of the bunk.
“What? What ceremony?” I said not totally awake yet.
“The wedding!” Ray said, excitedly.
“Mikey’s wedding?” I asked, completely confused. Ray laughed at me.
“Gerard’s wedding with Lin-Z!”
I froze.
I couldn’t speak a word.
I could fell the color drain from my face as I started to feel dizzy.
I repeated the words slowly in my mind
Gerard’s… Wedding... It didn’t make sense.
“Frank? Are you okay?” I heard Ray’s voice.
“Yes.” I managed to say.
The air was missing from my lungs. I could felt my chest tigtening.
I started to put my clothes on.
It can’t be.
“Man!” Ray turned around quickly. “You’re fucking naked!”
No this couldn’t be, it had to have an explanation, it had to be a mistake.
“Can you repeat that?” I had to hear it again.
“You’re naked!?!”
“No!” I was putting my t shirt on now. “The thing about Gerard.”
“Oh. Gerard’s Wedding. A couple of hours ago.”
No, It was a nightmare, yeah that what it was. It had to be.
“Anyway there is a little party. Are you coming? Even though Gee disappeared for an hour or so after the ceremony.” He scratched his head.
I didn’t say anything, I was still in shock. The pieces stared to make sense in my head. 'He disappeared an hour ago' Was that when he came to me? Those eyes, was that guilt, sadness?
I keep repeating myself, that this wasn’t happening. This was a bad dream and I was going to wake up at any moment.
But another voice, told that it was clear. He had married her. He had used me. The whole time he had used me! NO! The other voice. He loves me! He told me he loves me!
“Frank?” Ray’s voice woke me from my internal fight.
“What?”
“Are you coming?”
“Where?”
He laughed at me. “That girl left you stupid, dude.”
”Later.” I said very seriously.
“Okay.” Ray left the bus.
I laid in the bunk.
It can’t be.
I tried to call Gerard, but his cell phone was off. I tried to call Jamie, but he didn’t answer either.
After a couple of times more, I through the phone into the air furiously, 'what the hell was happening?!'
This was a nightmare.
I heard steps. Someone was coming onto the bus again. The door opened. It was Gerard.