I´m trying

I stood up.
“What’s that crap about you getting married?” I wasn’t yelling, I just wanted to be told the Ray made a mistake. That the whole marriage thing was a mistake.
“Calm down.” He told me in a very calm tone.
“Calm down!?!” I started to panic. “So it’s true. It can’t be true.” I was trembling. “Gee tell me this isn't true!” I almost begged him
“C’mon Frank, Lind-z and I, we... We make sense.” He explained to me, his expression was hard. “We don’t.” He crossed his arms.
“What?” My whole world started to fall to pieces. We were...?
“It’s not right.” He said, he looked horrified. Like the idea of me and him together was disgusting.
“But…I don’t understand.” I sat on the bunk, the floor had begun to spin.
Gerard stood there in front of me, his face was so cold, not a single emotion.
“You…We just had sex…”
“Is just that, Frank, sex.” He was mocking me.
I felt the tears coming to my eyes.
“No. It has to be something wrong. You know it wasn’t just sex.” I was full of despair. “You cried that day, you begged me not to leave you.” I pointed at him with my finger. His expression changed a little, slightly surprised, but then those cold eyes came back.
“There is nothing wrong. The only thing wrong and out of place thing in my life is you.”
That hurt so much, I could feel my heat being ripped apart.
“I don’t… I don’t know you.” It was like a surreal dream, a nightmare that you couldn't wake up from.
“You said you loved me!”
He laughed. I couldn’t believe he was laughing at me.
“I needed one more night with you, honey.” He put his arms behind his head and rested on the wall. “So I had to say what you wanted to hear.” He looked so calm, and it was like this whole time didn’t mean a damn thing to him.
“I meant the sex was good, I don’t deny that.” He closed his eyes. “I’m going to miss you, your sweet little ass.” He opened again and looked at me straight in the eyes.
“But I don’t love you.”
My heart broke in a million of pieces. I started to cry openly and burried my head in my hands.
“You bastard!” I punched him on the chest. “You make me believe you…..You make me love you! And all this time you were using me!” It felt like all the air was missing from my lungs.
“You’re the most repulsive human being I've ever met! I hate you!” That was a lie, I loved him so much, and I hated myself for loving him, for believing in him all this time.
“You enjoy the sex too.” He grabbed me by my wrists. “Remember all the times you screamed my name and asked for more!” He laughed again. “Stop acting like a girl.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. Who was this person? Where was my sweet Gerard? That man that told me he loved me, who caressed me gently and showed me compassion. The tears were running down my face.
“AWW! C’mon Frankie, don’t cry” He cooed in a mocking tone. I felt sick. I just turned around and left the bus.
I heard him calling me an angry bicth.
The moment I stepped out of the bus. I felt dizzy. I felt a hand in my shoulder.
“Frank? Are you okay?”
Then everything went black

----

I woke up in a bed.
“Gerard?” I asked.
“Are you okay?” I heard a familiar voice, but it wasn’t Gerard. I tried to open my eyes.
It was Jamie.
I sat on the bed and rubbed my eyes with my hands, trying to wake up.
“What happened?" I asked, confused.
“You passed out outside the bus after fighting with Gerard I believe.” He told me calmly.
“Where is he?” I still didn’t get it
“There is a party in one of the other rooms for his…”
“Wedding.” I completed his sentence. For a second I thought this whole thing could be a nightmare, but it wasn’t. I felt like I had fallen from a building and crashed on the pavement. Reality rushed back to me.
Gerard had left me. Gerard had used me. Gerard had used me like his sex toy. He never loved me. I felt like a piece of crap.
“Frankie?”
Tears appeared again.
“I’m so sorry.” He had the sweetest and tenderest face in the world.
“He used me, Jamie.” I broke down. He held me close and rubbed my back gently. “He never loved me.” I was sobbing so much, it was hard for me to talk. “He said it. It was only sex. He only used me!!!” I exploded into tears. Jamie held me even tighter.
“Shhh. It’s okay. C’mon cry...”
I cried like a child for the next 30 minutes on his shoulder. He held me the whole time. When my eyes had no more tears left, he took my face in his hands.
“Are you better now?”
“No.” I said softly. He wiped my tears away and kiss me on the cheek.
“I wish I could help you, but I can mend your heart sweetie.” He gave a little smile.
“Thanks.”
“You should sleep, you have a show tomorrow.”
“I can’t!” I started to panic. ”I can’t face him.” My body started shaking. “I can’t!”
“It’s okay. We’ll figure it out something.” He put his hand on my shoulder.
“No, It’s not okay. Jamie,” I stood up. “I want to die.” I looked straight into his eyes.
“Listen to me Frank,” He also stood up and faced me. “You’re not the first person whose heart has been ripped apart by a guy!” He grabbed me by the shoulder and shook me a little. “You have to be strong, and survive this.”
“I’m not strong.” I said looking at the floor and crying again.
“Yes you are!” He made looked at him again. “I believe in you. You can do this.”
He caressed my cheek. I felt safe with him. We held each other one more time as I cried again.
“Why, Jamie? Why me?” I whisper in his ear. “I’m such a jerk. This is entirely my fault.”
“It’s not your fault!” He broke the embrace and looked at me again. “He is the jerk. He is the asshole, not you!”
“But I believed him!” I was about to break down again.
“He fools us all.” He held my hands and squeezed. “C’mon you have to sleep.”
He gave me a pill. “It’ll help...”
“I don’t want any pills.”
“Nothing illegal. It’ll help you relax.” He gave the pill and brought a glass of water. “C’mon take it.” I didn’t have much of a choice, so I took the fucking pill and laid on the bed.
Jamie lay next to me and wrapped his arms around me. I was still crying.
My head was a mess. The words keep repeating in my head, mixed with the memories of us having sex and kissing, the past few days enjoying ourselves. It didn’t make sense. I knew Gerard from a long time. How could he trick me so much? I felt dizzy again. But the pills started to take effect, in a moment I was sleep.