I´m trying

“Frank where were you last night?” It was Bob. It was about 3 pm. And the band was getting ready for a concert.
“Nowhere” I just enter the bus to find Mikey and Brian.
“Hey dude” Said Brian. “You look like crap”
“Yeah” There was no joy in my tone of voice.
Mikey didn’t looked at me. He just looked at the floor. I didn’t stop to talk; I just changed my clothes and went out. I found some friends drinking some beer, and started to drink a little, then more and more. I was a getting drunk. But it was good I wasn’t thinking of Gerard anymore.
“Frank it's time for the show.” It was Jamie.
“In a minute” I replied without turning to face him.
“Frank?! Are you drunk?”
“Noooo...” I turned to see that he was mad. I don’t remember Jamie ever being mad before.
He gave a serious look. “C’mon.”
“Bye guys” I said as he took me by the arm and guided me to the stage.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I’m perfect, baby. Everything is forgotten.” I said in an unconvincing tone.
“Yeah, sure. And I’m straight”
I giggled. But not my usual giggle, it was a sarcastic giggle.
“Frank you are right in being mad, angry and even depressed.” He handed me my guitar.
“I’m fine! You worry too much!” I kissed him on the nose and got up to stage with my guitar.
Through the concert I missed a couple of cords, but nobody noticed; only Ray gave a couple of worried looks, but I ignored him.
Gerard was like always. But he didn’t come near to me. I didn’t want him near either. He was dead to me, but even if I felt like he was dead, I still loved him like crazy. I still feel that burning sensation when I saw him. When I even thought of him. I hated myself for being such an idiot.
After the show I went to a party, like the ones me and Gerard went to when he was an alcoholic. I drank a lot of whisky.
My cell phone rang.
“Hey...” I slurred.
“Frank?” A worried tone answered in the other side of the line.
“Yeahh. Man. What’s up?”
It was Jamie. “Where are you?”
“At a party, man! You want to come?!”
“No. Where are you? I’m coming for you.” I gave him the address. In my drunken head he was coming to join the party.
He took me out of the party the moment he arrived.
Inside the car I started to tell him that took me back to the party.
“You’re drunk. “
“Nooooooooo.” I was drunk
“If this is your way of curing things, you’re so wrong Frank.”
I didn’t answer. “Just drive.”
He didn’t say anything else.
I passed out in the back of the car a moment later.