I´m trying

After Christmas we had a show in the UK . I didn’t want to go, because it remained me the time me and Gerard spent there.
Jamie was excited; it was his home after all.
We had our presentation and went to rest to a Hotel. Yeah, the same shitty hotel that we stayed last time!
Fuck. Is destiny against me?!? All those memories. DAMN!!!
Jamie and I went to his room, we drank a couple of beers, but he didn’t let me get drunk.
We were talking about music and life as always. He was wearing a pair of tight black pants and a My Chemical Romance t-shirt from the Project Rev tour. He actually looked very sexy.
We talked for hours.
“Cheers, for us and The Queen!” He said mockingly, raising his beer.
We both laughed. “So truth or dare?” He asked me
“Truth.” I said.
“Your real feelings for Gerard” He finished his beer. “ I don’t believe that shit that you're over him.”
“I am!” I was laying to myself, I came to believe that.
“You’re such a bad liar.”
“It’s true...”
“Then why you don’t date someone else?”
“Because I haven’t had the time?” I put on an innocent face.
“Bullshit.” I kept my angel face, hoping he would believe me..
“Hey, my mom told me not to lie!”
He laughed .
“The day I believe that, will be the day that I see you kissing another guy.” I didn’t notice how close we were.
“Okay.” I said moving even closer to him.
“What are you doing?” He said, we were inches apart. He was a bit nervous.
“Proving my point.” I push a piece of his hair behind his ear.
“You’re drunk...”
“You know I’m not.” My hand was on his cheek.
“I…”
I shut him up with my lips.
As we kissed I moved my hand along his neck deepening the kiss.
His lips were so soft and sweet. He was so gentle. He gave me access to his mouth which I explored with my tongue. A moan left his mouth. I started to kiss his neck.
“Frank.” He said between moans.
I continued sucking and kissing his neck.
“Are you sure?”
I stopped and looked at him.
“Yeah.” I said quickly, trying to erase any doubt I had, I didn’t want to think about consequences.
We kissed again. His hands were on my waist. I couldn’t help compare his every move with Gerard.
Damn. I tried to lose myself in Jamie but Gerard's presence was so strong.
I removed his t-shirt and threw it into the air. His perfect body made me forget those thoughts. He removed my shirt too. I laid him on the bed. I was on top and I started to kiss his well formed chest.
He reclaimed my lips one more time. As we kissed he turned me over my back and attacked neck.
After that, everything happened so fast.
A knock on the door following by someone entering the room.
“Hey Jamie, here's the disk you lent me.”
Jamie got up from the bed quickly as I sat up. I knew that voice.
“Oh, sorry.”
“It’s okay, Gerard.” Jamie said calmly.
“Sorry I …” He scratched his head and stepped back.
He looked at me and I looked down. I couldn’t stand his eyes, that look. Jamie went to the door, to accept the disk.
“Sorry.” Was the last thing I heard. Then the door being closed.
Jamie returned to me and kissed me. He laid me back on the bed.
I didn’t feel anything. I just had Gerard’s eyes in my mind. He had left me like a piece of shit and now the only thing I could think about was what he was thinking about.
I stopped Jamie.
“Wait. I..” I put my hands on his chest
“I know…” He sat on the bed.
“It was too good to be true.”
I sat next to him, I was going to say something but he spoke first.
“You obviously still love him”
“I’m not…” I tried to tell him, unconvincingly.
“Frank.” He looked at me directly in the eyes. “You can't lie to me” He put his t-shirt on.
“Sorry. I’m really sorry.” I really meant that.
“It’s okay, I guess...”
“I better go.” I put my t-shirt on, stood up walked towards the door.
“Can I tell you one last thing?” I heard his voice behind my back. He was hurt. I could sense it.
“Sure.” I turned around.
“I think there is something else there. I don’t really think Gerard would do something like that to you. He has to be hiding something.”
I just nodded and left.
Hiding something my ass. He was a heartless asshole.
Then I remembered the look he just have gave me, that pained look... Maybe Jamie was right?
No. Gerard doesn’t love me, he never did.
I went to my room, thinking how much crap there was in my life, I just wanted something to drink, whiskey maybe.
I went to my room and started to drink, until I passed out, crying.