I Have Been Right All Along

SARA’S POV

Josh clutches onto my hand as we stand at the side of the stage and watch Panic play their show. It’s the last show of the night. Brendon has been glancing back at me the entire time and I’m sure he’s noticed Josh’s hand clamped onto mine. Our fingers are weaved together. Holding his hand gives me a weird feeling. It doesn’t feel right, yet for Josh’s sake, I keep my hand loosely placed within his.

Over the speakers we hear Ryan announce that it’s the last song of the night. Thank God. I don’t know how much longer I can stand to be here with Josh. The looks Brendon has been giving me make me feel terrible. His smiles aren’t as happy as I know they can be. I know he’s trying to be happy but I know what he’s doing. He’s waiting for me to end things with Josh.

Brendon doesn’t even glance over at me during the intro to “Mad as Rabbits” as he strums his guitar and dances around.

Once he starts singing, “come save me,” he shoots a quick glance over at me. I drop Josh’s hand and cross my arms. I watch while Brendon makes a good time of the last song of the night. Josh mumbles something to me about getting his things from the dressing room. Something about going to the bus, I don’t know. The only person I was really paying close attention to was Brendon. His quick movements. The way he dances around. The way he connects with the crowd. The way he isn’t looking at me anymore.

All I can do is watch Brendon play and sing. I watch the entire time. Zero glances at me from Brendon. Not even half of a glance.

Once they get to the line, “we must reinvent love,” Brendon looks at me. A huge smile appears on his face. I laugh and smile back to him. The ending of the song is full of energy from Brendon. He seems ecstatic that Josh isn’t standing there holding my hand anymore.

The band hurries off stage. Spencer. Jon. Ryan. Brendon.

“Good job, guys!” I say, smiling at them. They all thank me.

“I’d give you a hug but I still remember I’m not allowed to until I shower, so I owe you one,” Brendon points at me as he walks towards the dressing room.

“First shower!” he yells at the guys in front him, running to catch up.

An hour later and I’m bored in the front of Paramore’s bus waiting for Panic to arrive to have a game night in celebration for Paramore’s platinum record. While waiting, Hayley and I were talking, well she was talking, but video games began in the back of the bus and she couldn’t resist. I resisted so this leaves me in the front of the bus, bored.

Bored until Ryan enters the bus.

“Sara! Long time no see!” he says, inviting himself inside as if it’s his own bus.

“Yeah, no kidding! How are you doing?” I ask, smiling. I bring my legs up onto the couch Indian style.

“I’m doing great. I actually wanted to talk to you real quick before the rest of the guys get here.”

I nod, “Yeah, what’s up?”

“Brendon’s been moping around and I tried to talk to him the other night to see what his problem is,” he starts, talking quickly.

“Basically he’s depressed that you two haven’t been hanging out as much. I was just wondering if, you know, you would want to hang out with him tonight,” he says just as Zack, Panic’s security guard, walks on the bus.

“I think it’d be a good idea if you went over there and kept him company so he doesn’t drink more than he has been,” Zack adds.

I pause, “Um, sure, yeah,” I say, smiling. I get up to go to the back lounge to tell everyone where I’ll be tonight.

As I walk back, the video game music gets louder. So does everyone’s chatter. Who knew that four people could be so loud?

“Hey,” I say loudly, catching the attention Josh, who pauses the game.

“I’m going to hang out with Brendon on his bus tonight while everyone else is here,” I say, leaning my hands on either side of the doorway.

“Brendon’s not coming?” Jeremy asks.

“No, I guess not,” I say, looking at him for a second before looking back to Josh.

“Is it okay if I go over there?” I ask him.

“Yeah, that’s fine,” he says, smiling.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Hayley says, looking up at me. There’s an orange glow on her face from the TV.

“Why?” I state, rather than ask, my eyebrows knitting together.

“He’s a bad influence,” she states, turning her attention back to the screen. “Un-pause it.”

The room is silent for a few moments. Zac stares at the TV, waiting for the game to be un-paused while tapping his thumbs on the controller. Jeremy looks at his hands, reluctant to say anything. Josh looks back and forth between Hayley and me. And Hayley, she just keeps staring at the TV, waiting for someone to un-pause the game, unwilling to say another word.

Josh clears his throat.

“If you need me, call me,” he says calmly, giving me a small smile.

Hayley sighs and rolls her eyes.

Without another word, I turn around and head towards the front. I can hear the game start back up, but no chatter this time.

I enter the front lounge, my eyes wide and my mouth hanging slightly ajar. Ryan and Zack are the only ones here still.

“Well that went well,” I say sarcastically.

“I’ll walk you over there,” Ryan offers, jumping out of his seat and following me out the door.

Ryan walks with his hands in his pockets, not saying a word. The only things you can hear are crickets and the sound of our footsteps in the dirt.

“Thanks for doing this,” he says once we get to the bus. He’s standing in front of me with a smile.

“Oh it’s no problem. I’ve been meaning to talk with him anyway,” I smile back, reaching for the door handle, but Ryan’s hand gets there first.

“Thanks,” I say, heading up the steps.

“Have fun,” he says genuinely before closing the door behind me.

I walk up the two steps and head into the bus lounge. The only lights that are on are the blue rope lights hung up on the ceiling. The bus is completely silent.

I walk through the front lounge, not seeing Brendon anywhere, and the door to the bunks is closed. I lightly knock on it, but there’s no reply. I slide the door open and call for Brendon. Still no answer.

I head to the back lounge and knock on the door. No reply. I slowly slide it open, revealing Brendon sitting alone on his laptop. He has headphones on. He doesn’t notice me, not even after I step into the room and close the door behind me.

I walk over to him and stand in front of him, but I still don’t catch his attention, surprisingly. I shut his laptop and he finally notices me.

“Hey!” he says, smiling wide as he takes off his headphones. He sets his laptop next to him and puts his headphones on top.

“Hello!” I laugh, being swept up into a huge hug.

“What are you doing here?” he asks before letting me go.

“I came here to hang out with you!”

“Finally!” he says, walking around me and heading out of the room. I follow him to the front lounge.

“What do you want to drink?” he asks me, his head stuck in the fridge.

“I’ll have some orange juice.”

He grabs the orange juice and a bottle of Vodka. Setting those on the counter, he grabs two blue plastic cups. He pours me the orange juice and makes himself a mixed drink with the Vodka and the orange juice.

“So where did you get those cute glasses? I’ve never seen you wear those before,” I say, referring to the black rimmed, square cut glasses he’s wearing.

He grabs the drinks and returns them to the fridge, all the while laughing at me.

“Cute glasses?” he smiles, the fridge door shutting behind him.

“Well I think they’re cute.”

“I’ve had them for a while. I just haven’t actually worn them around that much. Just around the bus,” he says, crossing his arms and leaning his back on the kitchen counter.

“You look good in them,” I say, still smiling.

“Why thank you. You look cute in your glasses, too,” he points at my face.

“Too bad I’m not wearing any glasses, but thank you!”

For a few seconds we stare at each other before he says something.

“I owe you a hug,” he says right before he grabs me and holds me tight. I wrap my arms around his waist and I can smell his cologne on his shirt. I wish I wasn’t dating Josh.

“Thank you for hanging out with me tonight,” he says as he lets go of me. I leave my hands on his waist. I get the urge to kiss him, but I hold myself back.

BRENDON’S POV

“What would you like to do tonight?”

Her eyes wander around the room. The blue lights casting a cool tone on her face, making her look more beautiful than I already thought she was, if that’s even possible.

Her bright, blue-green eyes land on me.

“I’m not really good at thinking of things to do,” she says, her nose scrunching up a little bit. Why does she have to be dating Josh?

“I can tell you one thing that I don’t want to do and that’s play video games,” she says, waving a finger in the air. Her lips are pursed for a second before she laughs, dropping her hand back down to her waist.

“Well, shit, I was kind of hoping you’d want to play video games.”

I pout, trying to make the saddest face I can.

“The pouty face still isn’t going to work on me,” she says, reaching behind me and grabbing one of the cups, gulping the drink as if she hasn’t had a drink for days.

Coughing, she says, “I’m not one-hundred percent positive, but I think that was your drink.”

“Uh-oh,” I say, reaching to grab the cup from her hands just as she raises it to take another drink.

“What are you doing?” I ask, my eyes wide. If I can remember correctly, I’m pretty sure she told me she wasn’t into drinking and here she is, taking another drink from the mixed drink I just made for myself.

“Yep. Definitely your drink.” she says loudly, placing the cup back on the counter.

I scratch my head and laugh, not knowing what to say.

"What else you got, that was kind of good."

"I have my famous apple cider. Everyone always loves it. Want some?" I ask, heading to the refrigerator.

"What's in it?"

"That, my friend, is a secret."

"Okay, fine. I'll try it."

I mix it up and drop some ice cubes in it before handing it to her to taste.

Taste she does. After her first sip, she downs the whole thing.

"Wow. Sara," I laugh.

“Hayley and Josh are going to be so mad at me,” she laughs, not acting worried about it at all.

“Not if you don’t tell them.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal to me,” she says, pausing.

"I guess not. You just drank that whole thing, and my drink!"

She doesn’t say anything as she stares into my eyes. She reaches her hands up and places them on my shoulders.

“It’s fine. I’ll be fine,” she slurs, grinning.

I can’t speak as she lightly runs her hands down my arms down to my hands. She lightly pulls on my hands and places them on her waist, bringing herself closer to my body. She reaches one hand behind my head, resting it on the back of my neck.

Her face comes closer and I can feel the heat radiating from her body. I don’t know what to do. My body doesn’t react; it just falls into whatever she wants me to do. The next thing I know, her lips are on mine and we’re kissing. Then her tongue licks at my lips and without hesitation, I part my lips, letting her tongue explore my mouth.

Our breathing picks up as we make out and she gently nudges my whole body backwards. I take the few steps back, breaking free of the kiss.

"What are you doing?" I ask.

“Let’s go to your bunk,” she whispers, her hand on my chest pushing me lightly.

“What about Josh?” I ask only for her sake.

“What about him? I don’t care,” she whispers, pushing me a bit more forcefully to the bunks.

“Well I care, I don’t want him to get mad at you and me," I say, tripping a little as I'm forced to walk backwards.

She doesn’t reply, just keeps pushing me back. We get to the bunks and I lie down in mine, scooting over towards the wall so there’s enough room for her to get in. Good thing my bunk is on the bottom, I guess.

She quickly climbs into my bunk and, without faltering, is quick to attach her lips back to mine. I soon forget about what Josh would think and give all of my attention to Sara.

Her warm hands slip under my shirt causing it to ride up past my belly button. She is hovering over me, her hair cascading off her shoulder to the pillow below my head. I run my hands up and down her back before slipping my hands underneath her shirt. She lets out a soft moan before breaking our connection to lie down beside me.

I can’t take the feeling of her lips not being on mine. I lean up on my side and attach my lips to hers. I keep one hand weaved in her hair, gently massaging her head, and the other placed on her stomach.

Her hands go under my shirt, rubbing my back, the warmness of her hands quickly heating my entire body. I urge my tongue inside her mouth and she moans again. One of her hands slips out from under my shirt and goes straight to my head. She runs her fingers through my hair, gently pulling it every now and then.

Our kissing becomes more passionate and I feel my jeans tighten, if you know what I mean. Although I want to keep going, I know I can’t. I break apart our lips and look into her eyes. I can tell she wants more, but I hold back. I give her a few more light pecks before returning to my side of the bed.

“What are you doing?” she asks breathlessly, turning her head to look at me in the dark bunk. I can barely make out her features in the blue light that spills in from the lounge.

“We can’t do this, you know that,” I say calmly, looking back at her. She looks confused.

“Why?”

“You're dating someone else.”

“Oh," she whispers.

We both stay silent for a minute. I use the silence to catch my breath.

Sara's breathing, on the other hand, picks up.

I look over at her to see her hands placed over her eyes as she begins to cry.

"Sara-"

"Look, I'm sorry Brendon," she slurs, looking over at me before slipping out of my bunk.

I continue to stare at where she was laying, unsure of what just happened.

I hear her up front talking, "I should have figured. You probably don't even like me anymore, anyway."

Shit. She's definitely on the more drunk side.

I quickly head out to the front of the bus where she sits sobbing on the couch.

Note to self: she gets her way when she's had a drink or two.

"Sara, what happened? I'm a little confused."

"I feel stupid. I shouldn't have kissed you. I thought you liked me."

I throw my hands up and laugh a little, "I do like you. I just can't..."

She stands up and holds her hand up at me, "Brendon, no problem. Okay? No problem."

I laugh again, placing my hands on either side of her face, "Sara. You're drunk. You're not making any sense."

"Yes I am!" she says, more tears flowing.

"I thought it was okay to kiss you! You're just being a butt!" she says through tears.

I smile at her before placing my lips on hers. I hold the kiss for a few moments before pulling away. I take my hands off her face and shove them in my pockets.

"Why are you kissing on me?" she slurs.

"What else am I supposed to do? You're crying and you're not making any sense when you talk."

"I want you to kiss me again," she smiles.

"I'm not going to," I shake my head.

She pouts, "Why? I want you to."

"I can't do that. You're with Josh."

"Fine, I'll just kiss you, then," she grabs my face and attempts to kiss me.

I pull away in time and laugh when she whines, "Brendon, come on!"

She reaches up again, but I grab her wrists and direct her to hug me, wrapping my arms around her tightly.

"You smell good, Brendon."

"Thanks."

"Can we lay down, I feel tired," she slurs.

Her arms loosen on my waist and her head begins to slide from the middle of my chest towards my armpit.

"Yeah, I'll carry you to my bunk."

"Sounds great, buddy. Let's do it," she says quietly, patting my back.

I carry her to my bunk and let her crawl in. I get in next to her and she immediately rests her head on my chest, falling asleep almost instantaneously.