Moving On

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

How do you start something that has no beginning, or at least the beginning can’t be pinpointed. Memory works in mysterious ways, at least mine does. I can’t remember the moment I was resurrected, the moment I felt alive again, like I had a chance to live and be happy.

Most would say I died but I’m here, now I am aware of the things around me. I looked in the mirror for the first time today in a long time. My lips still tingled from the kiss and well I couldn’t really think about what had happened without my heart jumping out of my chest.

So I looked closely and noticed the scars that I can see while others don’t. I noticed my lopsided smile from the amount of pain killers I had taken as a teenager in a futile attempt to end my life. When people look at my smile, they don’t know it’s lopsided, they don’t notice that because they find it quirky and cute.

That’s it I remember the moment I died, it was when the phone rang. The words that entered my brain we’re like a 9 mm bullet that is meant to make your brain to mush. Those words ruined me for the next 5 years of my life.

But I’m back I’m alive. And I’m thinking it’s time to move on. So this is me moving on I’ve taken this diary and I’m writing it, I’m getting these words out of my head by putting them on paper, just so I can rip them apart when they threaten my life, but they won’t not again. I’m ready.