It's Not Over

“Hey,” Jo said as he sat down and pulled the chair closer.

“What’s up?” Matt asked casually.

“I need to talk to all of you, so I thought I should start with you,” Jo took a sip of her coffee.

“Ok,” Matt didn’t really know what else to say.

“How should I start?” Jo said barely a whisper but he heard it.

“What?” He asked.

“Um, I need you to help me prepare a funeral,” Jo bit her lip and looked at him.

“What for who?” Matt almost jumped out of his chair.

“For me,” Jo said simply closing her eyes waiting for him to explode but he didn’t she peeked at him.

“Jo you’re not going to die,” Matt said shaking his head.

“Actually, I am,” his eyes buldged out of his head.

“You’re lying,” Matt said in a whisper.

“I wish I was,” Jo said without flinching.

“Jo there must be something we can do,” Matt’s eyes were filled with tears.

“There isn’t. I’m going through organ failiure as we speak,” Jo said her voice showing a little emotion. A tear escaped down Matt’s cheek.

“But there are donors that can help,” Matt was grasping at straws he was grasping at anything.

“I’m too far along, I would need a lot of surgery and my body wouldn’t survive it,”Jo said.

“How much do you have?” He was accepting it now.

“About a week, a month, a day, they don’t know,” Jo let out a sigh.

“Ok what do you need me to do?” Matt asked. Jo took his big hand in hers, it was hard for him to accept it. But somehow he did.

“I saw my lawyer today, he gave me this list of things I have gone over with him, apparently I had prepared for this ahead of time.” Jo took the list from the drawer, she handed it to him. “If this is too much I could get the lawyer to do it,” Jo didn’t let go of the paper as she spoke.

“No I’ll do it.” Matt’s jaw was set in a tight grip his dimples gone. He read the list, “No viewing?”

“Yes, I don’t want people to remember me as a dead person in a coffin; I want them to remember me alive. I always hated seeing dead people; it made me remember them like that.” Jo wiped away a tear.

“Ok,” Matt kept reading the list and nodded.

“I need to talk to Jimmy and Johnny, can you send them in?” Jo asked. Matt stood up and kissed Jo’s cheek, another tear escaped his eyes. “Don’t tell them I want them to hear it from me.”

“I want to say something; this might be the only chance we will get alone.” Jo nodded as Matt spoke. “I made a lot of mistakes, you might not remember them but I do. I’m asking you to forgive me, I never meant to hurt you. I do love you, just not the way you deserve to be loved. You’re the best person I’ve ever met; you forgave me and accepted me as your friend after everything. I owe you a lot Jo, I’m just sorry I didn’t realize that sooner.”

Jo took a deep breath and looked at him, “I don’t know what you’ve done but you are forgiven I have no ill feelings toward you even without a memory,” Jo said, her mind speaking back to her I forgive everything you’ve done to me, because I do love you, I always will Those were the words she couldn’t speak out loud.