Hate, Love, and Sex Appeal

“Ow.”
“I groaned as I opened my stubborn eyes slightly. It took me a minute or two to remember that I wasn’t in a bed.
“Not to self; never fall asleep on couch again,” said Gerard as he started to stretch.
“Time?” I yawned and started to move a bit.
“Uhm…five-forty…uh...two-ish.”
“Bleh,” I whined.
“I’m going up to bed. Come here, I’ll carry you.”
“No, I can…I can…” I mumbled as I tried to stifle my obnoxious yawn.
I shot up and started to walk. However, I was all wobbly and had realized that I’d gotten up way too fast.

“Stubborn little brat,” whispered Gerard, shaking his head as he scooped me up in his arms.
“Don’t drop and am not.”
“Are too. Don’t worry, I won’t whoa--”
He let go of me and re-caught me before I had moved. I clutched onto him in sheer panic.
“Jerk.”
I saw him grin.

We made it all the way up both sets of stairs and into the cold room without making a sound. He gently placed me on my side of the bed. I really wasn’t all too tired anymore. Usually once I’m up, I’m able to stay up. Which could be either a good thing or bad thing, depending on the way you look at it.
“Wanna know something?”
“Sure.”
“I’m not really tired anymore.” I said as I let out a chuckle.
“Good. Me neither,” replied Gerard as he joined in with my laughter. He tenderly grabbed Ink, from where she was laying on the bed.
“Would you mind if I played her?”
“Only if I’m allowed to see what you were drawing.” I bargained.
“Fine. I’m only done with one though so you’ll have to deal,” answered Gerard as he rolled off the bed, laying Ink by my side before he did so, and flipped through his art sketches.
“Ah, here.”

He handed me a picture of the sunrise and I was in it. My jaw dropped a tad bit as I noticed that slight detail.
“You…how…did you imagine this?”
“No. You left the door open one day and I had gotten up and saw you and just so happened to have been in a drawing mood.” He replied as he rested on his side and an elbow, picking at the floor.

In all honesty, I was jealous of how well he could draw. I could tell it was me in the picture but it didn’t look real. It had a cartoon feel to it. He used water colors for the sunrise. He used the best combinations that I’ve ever seen. I was amazed at how freakin’ good it was. It was just like a real sunrise. It was the sunrise I could never draw.

“Wow, hate to admit it, but that’s really good Gerard.” I said as I handed him his artwork back.
He grinned shyly. I never knew how shy that kid could be, especially around me. It was like he was almost nervous at what I’d say. He started eyeing up the guitar.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead.”
He flashed me a toothy grin as he reached up and grabbed it. He started plucking at random chords. His eyes looked dazed as he player and I found myself starting to wonder.

I was used to him being around now. I didn’t mind it, either. It’s the strangest thing, really. I’ve seen him so differently ever since he kissed me. Part of me wanted to play spin-the-bottle when Frank had suggested it. That way, I’d have an excuse to kiss him again. Yet, confusion was tearing away with feelings that I thought would never surface. Another part of me didn’t want to show him how I felt or enjoy the warmth from his touch or notice the tingles that bolted up and down my spine when he looked at me a certain way. That part of me wanted him to hate me and to hurt me so that I could hate him back. That part of me didn’t want him to do anything to me because then I would have allowed myself to let him see me at such a vulnerable stage. He would know exactly how to destroy me and that would hurt the most. I have issues with trust and such a history with him.
Besides that, I’d have to live with my family tormenting me, along with Gerard’s family, maybe not so much Mikey or Frankie, though. I hate admitting to those types of things. I wasn’t used to it, it was like a foreign language to me.
Still, the thought of letting someone in and letting them make me feel something was terrifying. But I was starting to like him more and more. I started to notice the way he looked at me a certain way and how my insides exploded with feathers and butterflies each time he’d touch me. I still haven’t forgotten how soft his lips were. How was this going to work? I mean, I still kind of had something for Logan but Gerard…

He slowly stopped playing and placed Ink back inside her case as I spaced out.
“Whatcha looking at ?”
I instantly snapped back into reality.
“What? Oh, nothing. Turn around. I wanna change.”
“What would you do if I said that I wasn’t going to turn around?”

I had gotten up, grabbed a pair of boxers and a new tank top when he had finished his question.
“Yeah, right, cause you would really wanna see me change anyway.”
“No, I wouldn’t.”
“Then why can’t you turn around?”
“Because you don’t have to worry about me.”
“If I find out you--”
“Oh, quit being a baby, just change.”

I glanced at him one last time as he re-adjusted himself on the floor and shut his eyes. I spun around and slid of the jeans I had put on hours and hours ago. I threw off the shirt and the old tank top that I had been wearing, to the ground.
“So have you ever stripped for Frankie?”
“What?”
I spun around in shock of what he had asked me.
“Just a question,” he added quickly, as he shut his eyes tighter..
“What’s that suppose to mean?”
“Jesus Christ, why do you get so defensive with me?”
“Well, how do you know what I’m in right now, huh?”
“Cause I…I heard you undo your pants and I heard your shirt hit the ground so I’m just assuming that you’re in just a bra and panties.”

I didn’t buy it.

I pulled up my boxers and started to tug the tank top over my head when I heard a rough cough escape from him.
“What--are you--”
“No.”
“What was I going to ask you?”
“Um, well, I--”
“Because you answered that before I finished.”
“But I--”
“And you answered it quite quickly.”
“Yean and--”
“So why do you sound so nervous?”
“I’m just--”
“And why are your eyes open?”
“Um--”
“And why do you look oh so guilty?”
“Fine! Fine! Cause I am. There, I looked, I’m sorry. You were there and I dunno, it just--”
“It’s okay.”

He blinked a few times and uncertainty tore away at his face.
“Huh?”
“I said it’s okay.”
Whatever color he had rushed back into his pale face as relief took over his body.

“You know…you’ve got sex appeal.”
“What’s that?” I asked, half amused.
“You heard me.”
“I want you to say it again, just to hear it.”
“You’re gunna--”
“Yep.”
“Well, you do. You’ve got sex appeal. You’re really attractive, I admit it,” replied Gerard as a shy smile appeared.
That’s the second time I’ve seen him wear that shy little grin. I smiled. I didn’t think I was all too pretty. I wasn’t ugly, I’m not that harsh on myself, but I didn’t think I was that pretty. I mean, I was a C-cup and had a pretty well toned body because I was a soccer player. Hearing him say that made me…feel pretty damn good.
“You know, you’re not so bad yourself.”

He glanced up and a devilish smile swooped down and took hold of his face. I bent down and retrieved my clothes and when I came back up he was standing right in front of me. He gently wrapped his hands around my frozen waist, walked me backwards, and pushed me up against the wall, his hips roughly pushed into mine.
“You close enough to the wall now?”
I grinned and replied,” Maybe.”
He pushed harder and pressed himself against me. The nervous butterflies screamed in anticipation all around my tummy.
“I’m gunna give you a choice this time, sound fair? I won‘t hold your hands or anything”
I nodded my head as I leaned up.
“Oh no way are you getting it that easily, Doll face.”
I cocked my head to the side.
His head lunged in and he whispered, “Oh you don’t remember? I told you I was gunna make you beg.”
I shivered from his hot breath teasing my ear.
“Oh you’re not gunna--”
“I was thinking about it.”
“Oh just shut up and kiss me already.”
He smiled as his soft lips touched mine.
“Well, look forward to that next time then,” he said as his hands ran up my sides.
“I like it when you hold my hands.”
His hands tightly gripped mine as he kissed me again.

I kissed him back not because I was forced to…but because I wanted to.