The Letters of an Autophobic

His presense soon left my skin colder and vulnerable. I promised Gerard that I would keep out any bad thoughts and focus on the faith and trust of our relationship. I ran to catch up with Frank and Mikey. We were only a few blocks away from our school. I caught my breath as I was only a few inches from their walking bodies.

"Frank, Mike; wait up!" I called out gasping for air as I stumbled the last inches between us.

"Wow, you run fast," Mikey commented.

"Practice," I huffed.

"Yeah, but she's outta shape while doing so," Frank noted my heavy breathing.

"It's not as bad as Gerard after he's smoked a pack."

"Very true," Frankie nodded, "Gerard would've been down two blocks in."

"Great to know I can out run my boyfriend," I laughed as I finally could walk and talk without having to engulf a lungful of air.

"You recover fast too," Mikey noticed.

"Just point out everything, why don't you," I snapped.

"She has a short temper," he glanced at Frankie.

"You do point out everything... and it does get annoying sometimes," Frank responded looking ahead.

"I feel like I've been disowned," Mikes muttered sadly.

"Where'd you get that notion?" I said.

"Why're you two picking on me?" he stuck his tongue out and laughed.

"Us? Picking on you? States Mister Picker-outer!" Frankie laughed.

We talked complete nonsense until we reached the building. Nathan was already there since he took the car and was sitting outside with his friend Jake. Nathan told me at the beginning of freshman year that Jake has had a secret liking to me, but he's never expressed it before. I wonder if he's told Jake about Gerard yet. I couldn't tell because the only sign of acknowledgement that I ever get from Jake was a head nod and a "Sup Ellie." Then he walks off into a classroom or if we're in a class together, he just sits at his seat and glances at me a numerous amount of time during the period. As soon as the three of us reached the front gate, Jake and Nate greeted us.

"How was your walk? Did you get a lot of exercise?" Nate smiled at me.

"The walk was good actually, lots of fun." I grinned.

"Hi Ellie," Jake said, "How are you today?"

I tried really hard from gawking at him, "I'm good... thanks for asking Jake.."

"Well, I better get to my first period. See you at 7th," he waved at all of us and turned to head inside.

"What was that about, Nate?" I turned to face him, demanding an answer.

"Honestly, I think that's his way of showing that he was rejected..." Nathan looked off at where Jake was walking, "He's a funny kid when it comes down to emotions."

"I'm confused. Mikey, are you confused? I'm confused," Frank stated looking at me and Nate for an explanation.

"Oh," the light bulb shattered in my brain from a high electric pulse when I understood, "You don't know Jake."

"I don't know jack," Mikey answered.

"Jake has had this affection towards Elyssa since we started going to high school together," Nathan explained as we entered the school and walked the halls, "Since he's liked her, Jake has no idea how to express that feeling. He gives her a usual hello and then walks off. Ellie's suprised that he said more than two words. I swear, I didn't know he'd get this reaction from my news about Gerard and you, El."

I shrugged, "As long as he's not chasing me."

"Well, I'm off. I'll see you when you get home El."

Nate ran up the flights of stairs to get to the third floor. I turned to the guys and smiled.

"This feels like a whole new day; a whole new outlook."

"We're here as your friends and support Ellie," Mikey patted my shoulder, "If there is anything you need or want to talk about, just find one of us. I'll see you at Math."

"And I'll see you at lunch," Frank hugged me and pranced towards what I think to be gym.

"Bye Mikey," I saluted.

"Later, El," he saluted back.

I ran off to my first class and took a deep breath. Everyday is a new day; never the same. I can change this. I have people around me to look out for the trouble; to give me a fair warning. I can embrace hate and the love at the same time. I will laugh at my pain and show no fear. I will break my phobia. I am not alone. I am not alone.