Never Cover up What We Did With a Dress

The ride to the hospital was confronting.

I suddenly realised that within a matter of hours, Manson and I would be having a baby together, and I wasn't sure I was completely ready.

Manson sat next to me on the back seat, stroking my back supportively, telling me in an anxious voice that everything was going to work out fine.

His voice shook whenever he said something, and it dawned on me that he was going to be a father. Did he want to be? What was going to happen to him and Dita? Would he... leave me? Could he, when I had his own flesh and blood?

I was about to find the strength in my voice so ask the questions, but another pain rippled through me and I screamed. Tony was in the passenger seat, next to Demi who was driving. She turned to me, and said in a panicked voice,

"Just remember to breathe properly."

"Watch the road, Demi!" Tony cried as she veered back to the right lane.

"Look, Demi, just don't worry about anything okay? I'm telling her that." Manson said, obviously scared out of his mind. I screamed again and he jumped. This time he moved closer to me still, holding me, telling me to focus on my breathing.

Demi and Tony had bought me a book explaining what to do when the contractions first started. They were pretty spaced out at the moment, so I acted like normal in between. Sweat coated my forehead lightly, and I looked up through my fringe at Manson.

"Will you leave her for us?" I asked him quietly. Tony and Demi acted as though they didn't hear.

"Chesney..." Manson groaned, "I can't give you a proper answer right now, okay? I'm sorry but I can't. This is all so... unexpected."

"But you love me, don't you? And surely you'll love your own child."

"Yes, yes, of course. But Dita is a large part of this, too. Can we please not talk about this now? You need to focus on the... on the birth."

"Will you be there with me?" I asked suddenly.

"Where?" Manson looked at me was total concentration, like I was some question on an exam.

"In the delivery room. There. With me, and your baby."

"Do you want me there?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

We arrived at the hospital, and I heard Manson draw in a shaky, big breath. I suddenly realised that he was a celebrity. If he was seen here, with me, the girl from that article, he'd be screwed. I looked at him with pleading eyes. I wanted him in there with me so badly. I wanted him to experience this with me.

"If anyone asks, I am Chesney's cousin, okay?" He told Demi and Tony, and then he looked at me. I barely nodded in response.

"Of course," Demi said. Tony just nodded strongly. Demi turned off the car and stepped out. Manson was already at my door, helping me out.

"Wait," I said quietly.

"What for?"

"Another contraction. I can't possibly walk, and one will come soon."

"Chesney, that's not a good idea..." Demi said, but just as the words escaped her lips, I cried out in pain. It was just after the contractions that Tony and Manson gripped me tightly, guiding me into the hospital.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Marilyn Manson.

There she was.

In my arms, she cried, her beautiful red face scrunching in frustration as the bright fluorescent hospital lights shone in her newly exposed face. She was so beautiful.

I had never loved anything more in my life.

It was at that moment that I knew I had to do something that would break my heart. It made me almost sick to think about it. But it was unavoidable. My life was with my child, and that's it.

"She's so beautiful," Chesney said from the bed. I looked at her in pure admiration. The amount of utter pain and suffering she'd just been though was unbelievable. She suddenly became the strongest person I knew. Without realising what I was doing, I kissed her softly on the head and placed our child in her now limp arms.

"How are you feeling?" I asked her softly. I could tell she was still radiating pain.

"I'm really cramped, but okay. Thank God it's all over."

I just smiled and observed Chesney looking after our new child. It's eyes were still closed. It looked so innocent, so vulnerable, laying in it's mother's arms. I watched Chesney bond with the baby and smiled. They were perfect for each other.

"What can we call her?" Chesney asked me, reaching carefully for my arm to pull me onto the bed, next to her and the baby.

"Well..." I said timidly, "I've always liked Lily."

"Aww Lily's a beautiful name." Chesney said happily. "I've liked the name Anielle for a long time too."

"That's gorgeous, too." I said truthfully. "One of them has to be the middle name, though."

"I think Lily suits her very well." Chesney said, smiling up at me.

"Lily Anielle Warner?"

"It sounds a bit jumbled."

"Like us," I stated.

"Yes, like us. But I love it,"

"Which one? Us or the name?"

"The name."

I was surprised Chesney didn't get annoyed at me assuming Lily's last name should be mine. She must really love me. I knew she did before, but now... It made sense to be with her and Lily, if not for my sake and Chesney's, but for Lily's. I couldn't be separated from my own child. Dita had to be let go, and it made me feel sick just picturing her pretty face...