Never Cover up What We Did With a Dress

The apartment no longer felt like my home as I entered and placed the substance on the table. I walked over to Lily’s bedroom and closed the door, as if not to remind myself about what I had promised Chesney about the drugs.

Chesney. I thought as I opened the bag and opened my wallet to get a credit card in which to cut lines with and a bill to snort it with. I wonder if she’s any better.

I cut up the lines, rolled up the 20 dollar bill and began to snort the white powder, line by line, leaning back and exhaling as the familiar feeling of the 15 minute rush coursed through my veins. Fuck I missed this. I thought. I suddenly found myself wondering why I had ever stopped in the first place.

I sat back up and snorted another two lines before walking over to the cabinet and taking out a bottle of vodka. After two swings I returned to the table and did another line, followed by another swing of vodka.

The energy pumped through my body, I found myself forgetting Chesney and feeling confident, free and amazing. The alcohol made me feel weak. I sat there for what seemed like ages, feeling pumped and sedated at the same time. Slowly I stood again, the bottle in my hand as I neared the kitchen. Taking another swing of the toxic liquid I opened the kitchen drawer, taking out a bread knife.

I returned to the table, my mind racing like my pulse. I rolled up the sleeve of my shirt and placed the blade of the knife against the soft skin of my wrist. Carefully, slowly, I pulled the blade across the skin, moaning at the familiar sting and smiling at the blood that immediately leaked from the cut. I did it again and again, up, across, and all over my arm.

Slowly I lost contact with reality, passing out on the floor, coke on the table and the bottle of vodka in my hand, the knife dropped next to me on the floor, and blood leaking from my arm.

__________________________________________________

“Chesney, I would like to tell you how much positive progress you’re making.” The doctor told me as he sat in my room. “I know how hard this all is for you, but you’re doing fantastically, and I can honestly tell you that if you continue to improve like this… well you may be able to leave soon.”

I smiled and nodded enthusiastically, hoping for just that. I didn’t want anything more than to be free, to continue my life with Manson and my baby.

“And the baby?” I asked, patting my stomach.

“Everything seems well, let’s just hope the medication hasn’t affected it too much.”

I swallowed and looked away, pretending not to ingest that information.

“Have you spoken to Manson recently?” I asked the doctor.

“No, no, not yet. It seems he’s been away for a few days, but we’ll continue to try and get onto him. I’m sure he’ll be thrilled with the news. I’m proud of you, Chesney.”

_______________________________________________________

“He’s not answering Tony.” I said to him, jiggling Lily on my hip. “It’s been six days and we haven’t heard a thing, surely he’s back by now. Why would he leave Lily with us for so long and not pick up the fucking phone?”

“I don’t fucking know Demi, don’t look at me.”

“He’s your friend, can’t you go and see him?”

“You know I’m going down to L.A. today baby.” Tony came over and kissed me on the forehead. “Look, you know he likes to deal with things by himself, he’s probably just thinking everything out. I told you when he came back from tour he was going to propose to her, I’m sure he’s heartbroken that this happened. She’ll get better, and then she’ll come out, have their second baby, and they’ll be married. It’s going to work out, I’m sure. Don’t worry too much. I have to go now baby, I’m already late. Just keep trying him. I’ll be back in a few days. Will you be okay here on your own?”

“Yeah, sure,” I said. I smiled down at Lily in my arms. “I have this one to keep me busy for a while at least.”

“Okay, bye baby, I love you. If you need me you can always call me, yeah?” Tony said, walking over to me and wrapping me up in his arms, kissing me as we pulled away from one another. “I’ll see you soon.”

He left the apartment and I got a bag ready for Lily, knowing what I had to do. I checked and waited for half an hour to make sure Tony was completely gone and went down to the basement, placing Lily in my car and backing out of the apartment complex. I had to see Manson, deep down I knew something wasn’t right.

I pulled up out the front of Chesney’s apartment, swallowing deeply at the familiar sight of it. So much has changed. I thought, nearing the entrance. I had a key, thankfully, so when I got out of the lift, I opened the door, holding Lily against me tightly.

I gasped, placing Lily on the floor and running over to Manson’s passed out figure. Tears sprung to my eyes as I touched his body. It was cold, he wasn’t breathing.

“Manson!” I screamed at him. “Wake up, please wake up!”

I was met with nothing, and it became aware to me how marbled and purple his skin was. I noticed how he wasn’t breathing in the slightest. I took into consideration the coke on the coffee table in front of him, the cuts on his arm that were caked in dry blood that had spilled onto the floor around him.

I cried hysterically, reaching for my mobile and calling the ambulance.

“Come quickly, please,” I gasped through sobs. “He’s dead.”