Dear Gravity, You Held Me Down in This Starless City

The week went by really fast as I kept myself busy with Brian’s clothing line, instead of helping with Zacky’s clothing line. I just couldn’t be around him. I had been texting Rob all week too. He said he missed me, which I thought was completely cute.

“So, are you and Rob dating yet?” Brandi asked.

“No…” I trailed off.

“You should date him,” Cassi said.

I shrugged, “I would like to date him, but he isn’t here now. I don’t even know if he likes me…” I trailed off.

“May, have you seen the way he looks at you? He has to have some type of affection for you. He looks at you the same way Zacky looks at you,” Cassi replied.

I narrowed my eyes, “And how exactly does Zack look at me?”

“Like he’s in love with you,” Cassi replied, and bit her lip.

“You know what; I’m going to go find out.”

I got up from the kitchen table and stomped up to Zacky’s room. I didn’t even bother knocking and just threw the door open.

“Zack?” I called

“Yeah?”

“We need to have a little chat.”

He raised an eyebrow, “Okay….”

“Are you still in love with me? Is that why you kissed me?”

Zacky sighed, but stayed silent. I bit my lip as he walked over to me. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me to him. My arms instinctively wrapped themselves around his neck. My breath started to hitch as I realized how close our faces were at this point.

“Zack?”

“Maylene, the truth is, I’m still in love you. I’m so jealous of Rob. I was pissed when you fucked Padge, drunken sex I could understand, but you guys fucked sober….and that killed me. I knew I had to get rid of Lexi. It was a long time coming though. You and I, we belong together.”

I stayed silent, taking in his words and then kissed him. I shouldn’t have kissed him because it started a domino effect. I had sex that night…..and then pretty much every other night for a week straight. Yes, a week straight. I’m so confused. I really need to quit giving into my body’s desires because my mind is all fucked up at the moment.

It’s now Friday, exactly a week later and what are we doing? We’re lying on Zacky’s bed, making out. Truly, my mind wasn’t even on how Zacky’s lips felt against mine or how I didn’t care for him running his hands up my sides. My mind was on how Rob’s lips would feel against mine and how he would be with me. Right then, I knew this had to stop.

“Zacky, stop,” I said, pulling away from him.

“What’s wrong?” He asked.

“I can’t do this anymore. It isn’t right and I don’t have the same feelings for you anymore Zack. I can’t help it.”

“So this is it, huh? No getting back together, ever?”

“Right, I’m sorry…”

“It’s okay. I mean, if you don’t feel it’s there then what can I do about it?”

I shrugged and then climbed off his bed. I hugged him and then walked out of his room and back into mine.

I knew it was more than a crush on Rob. Something about him was pulling me in and I couldn’t wait to be able to see him again.