The Webs We Weave

White.
White.
White.

Every where I turned there was something white. Something cold, somethng completely sterile. I hated Ronnie for doing this to me. I messed up once, he had no right. The moment I got out of here me and my two children were getting out of here and away from that jerk. Who was he to think he could control me? "Come on Ronnie, Katie needs me at home." He shook his head and I groaned, there was no way I was getting out of this. "I didn't put you in rehab when you messed up, and you mess up alot Ronnie." I yelled at him. "Well maybe you should have because then I would not be in this situation." He yelled back before walking out. I rushed after him and latched on to his arm. He turned to me quickly. "What?" I looked at him and tried to make it believable. "I hate you." He laughed and left. "I think I am okay with that."

I laid back down on the bed in the stupid white room and pulled out my cell phone. I dialed every one I knew of and they all ignored me. Finally when I had no other option I called Max. "Hello?" "Max, hey Ronnie put me in rehab, do you think you can come and get me?" There was silence before he finally drew in a breath. "No I can't. I dont think you understand Clover, I just cant leaving Ronnie for you. I lie to you and I stab you in the back and you still want me and dammit, I still want you which is why I will not come and get you. Unless of course you want to marry me." I scoffed and hung up and I could practically see Max smirking at his house. He had nothing to lose on something like that, absolutely nothing. I had two children I had to think about. Maybe. From what I had heard Katie's mom was actually taking a turn for the better and they believed she may in fact survive. I was happy for her, but I was not sure how Ronnie was going to take the news. Ronnie had no idea the pressure I had been under lately, nobody did, they were problems I was not willing to divulge.

I laid there staring at the ceiling for awhile and finally I had enough, I had to get out of here. I had thought about it, I needed danger and excitment, I was still young, I was only twenty-four and I needed to have some fun before deciding to be laid back and I knew Ronnie was going to hate me for my decision, but he deserved someone who was going to give it their all and I was not that person. I dialed Max again and he answered after the first ring. "Change your mind?" I wiped away a tear and for a moment the fact that I was not sober flashed across my mind before I pushed it away and nodded. I thought I was doing the right thing. "Yeah, I will marry you, come and get me."

I scribbled a note onto a piece of paper and read it over to myself, I had to let him know why I was doing this. I had put him through so much and he deserved to know why.

Ronnie,
I apologize for doing this, I do not mean to hurt you once again. I need to live my life right now, I cant just settle down and be a parent just yet, it is scary and I am not ready for it yet. You deserve some one so much greater than me and I think you should call Rider again. She really has changed and I think you two would do well together. By the time you will have read this I will have already married some one else and I just wanted to tell you this: I love you. You are my heart and my soul, which is why I have to let you go. I am not going to keep putting you through this, I love you enough to release you. Katie's mom is getting better Ronnie and I have so much stress and well, I dont think we would make it much longer. I need to be who I am and with you, I am not sure who that is. Soon enough you will be releived of all of this and marry some one great. I know this is a sorry excuse for a letter but this is the best that I can do for you without telling you the truth of it all, and that my love, is something I couldn't do to you.

I love always and forever,
Clover.

My cell phone rang alerting me of a text and I flipped it open, there was two there and I clicked the button. Two New Texts: Text 1. Sender: Max, Message: I am outisde, see you in a minute. I smiled and gathered my things. Text 2. Sender:Ronnie, Message: Hey, I am sorry about this Clover, I only did it because I love you. I will be there every day for you, I hope you know that. I will always be there. I stood there in my room the letter in hand and my stuff in the other and I allowed the tears to fall down my face. I turned my attention from the letter to the phone and dropped them both. I had a desicion to make and for once I had to run from the fact that I was running, and this one time, I was no longer sure of what to do or who to turn to.