The Webs We Weave

I stood there watching his car drive away. I had read the note, I had not mentioned it to Monte or Shauna they would only be angry at him, and I did not want that. At first I was not sure if it was him, and then Monte started to talk to him and I knew immediately it was. My heart broke as he drove away, I was not really sure how to handle all of this, two years he had been gone, and he did not regret it. Not one bit, and then he shows up in my life again and leaves me this damn note? I groaned and looked around the apartment, I was alone. Curtis had called Shauna home, their marriage seemed to be picture perfect, and Monte had left to go and see Beth. I had not seen her in such a long time, such a sweet girl I made a mental note to get in touch with her. I sat on the couch and stared at my cell phone. I knew it was him that had called me. He was probably on his way home to his perky little fiancee, he was probably going to sweep her off her feet and never give another thought about it. That should be me, I was his love, I was his world, and how could he just move on and leave me in the dust? I picked up my phone and dialed his number. I knew he would not answer, he never did.

"Hello? Clover." His voice was rough and suprised. I was silent, I was not sure what to say. I hung up quickly and sat back. The way he said my name made me weak and a tear trickled down my cheek. I had spent more time crying than smiling after he left for sure. My phone began to ring and I glanced at the screen, and there was that picture that tore my heart apart. "Hello?" I answered it, swallowing my fear. "You called?" "Um, yeah I uh...read your note. Thank you. That is all." He was quiet for a moment and then slowly said "Is that all?" I shook my head and the tears ran faster. "No, no that is not it at all Ronnie." I chocked out, I tried to hide the fact that I was crying, but he knew me better than that. "Please Clover, don't cry. Not over me." I smiled, his ego was obviously still intact. "Are you busy right now?" I waited for the answer although, I was pretty sure I already knew it. "Um, yeah I am kinda. Why?" "No reason, I just...nevermind Ronnie, forget I called. Congrats on the proposal by the way, she is obviously meant for you." I hung up the phone and threw it across the room. It did not break or anything but I wish it had. I wish that I could have gone back five minutes before and stopped myself from calling him. I had an actual conversation with him for the first time in a long time and instead of feeling relieved I felt more abandoned than I ever had in my life. I just wanted him back. I wanted him to kiss me and tell me it was all okay. I wanted to feel his arms around me, feel his breath against my shoulder again, and it hurt worse now that I knew it was not possible.

The Weeks Feel Like Months When Your Gone

I heard the door open that afternoon, exactly two weeks had passed and Matt was back for me. Matt was an amazing guy he really was but sometimes I would catch myself comparing him to Ronnie. There was a goodness about him, a gentle spirit that was the utter opposite of Ronnie, and that was made him appealing to me, becasue I knew once we said 'I Do' it was forever. He would never leave me like Ronnie did. But that was the thing, I needed the space from him, I always felt suffocated when he was around. I would get butterflies sure, but never like I used to. "Hey Babe, are you almost ready to go?" I looked at him, his hair was messy and his eyes were lightly traced with eyeliner. He was certainly a looker that is for sure. "Yeah, almost I am nervous about this though. I am not sure how they will treat you now that you guys have ditched epitaph." He nodded and I straightened my now pink and black hair. After I had seen Ronnie I went back into that phase were everytime I got upset I dyed my hair again. It looked exactly the same except that it was now pink instead of baby blue, I liked it.

We walked into the party and I immediately grabbed a beer. Matt was staying at his place tonight so it was no big deal if I drank, he would just call me a cab and then go home. He was leaving for California in the morning anyway, he was going to record his new album, he would only be home on the weekends, which oddly enough made me restless. I made my way further and further into the party before crashing into someone and falling on the ground. She was very pretty and looked down at me with apologetic eyes. "I am sorry, here let me help you up." "It's fine. Have you seen Oliver Sykes around here?" She nodded. "You know Oli?" "Yeah he is one of my best friends, I am sorry what is your name?" She smiled at me with her perfect teeth and laughed. "I am Caitlyn." My smile fell and I looked away. "What about yours?" I looked at her and flashed a smile. I doubted he ever talked about me, no big deal if I told her who I was. "Clover. I am Clover, head photographer for Epitaph, can you show me where Oli Sykes is?" Her smile went away and she pointed toward a group of guys. I got my camera ready and went over to them. "Oli! Smile you fag!" He turned and smiled before wrapping me in a hug. I snapped the picture and looked over. I groaned and detached myself from Oli's arms and made my way over to Nicky and Rider. "Hey!" Rider smiled at me and then glared. I turned around and ran into a mans chest. I did not need to look up, I knew who it was, he was wearing my damn pants. "I want those back Max." I heard laughter from beside him and I looked up. There was Caitlyn and standing next to her was the one person I did not want to see here. "Smile Ronnie, Max, I need pictures." They scooted together and I snapped the picture and ran out into the alleyway.

"Clover wait!" I stopped in my tracks about three blocks away from the party. "Please, just look at me, please." I turned and looked at him. "What do you want Ronnie, go back to your fiancee." He looked at me and his smile went away. "I missed you so damn much" he said. "I loved you Ronnie, and you left me, I was going to get clean, I wanted to be clean, because that meant that I had you, and I never got that chance, so do not tell me that you missed me, do not Ronnie. Just go back into that party and join your fiancee. And take this stupid ass ring with you, because I cannot wear it and remind myself how I lost you." I cried. "Please, say it again." "What?" He looked at me and took a step forward. "You love me." "I love you, always have and always will." He stepped closer to me and pressed his lips against mine. I was there in that happy place again. The one that only Ronnie could take me too, and then it was over. "I am sorry, I have to go." He ran away and I was left there, no longer in a happy place, but alone in a Vegas alleyway.