Bend Me Over Backwards

I stayed next Gerard my sobs silent now. I watched his sleeping form through blurred vision. My heart was shredding bit by bit inside of me. I wanted Gerard to wake up, to feel alive not comatose. We could be running through a field of flowers or sitting on the beach together. He would be doing something. He wouldn’t just be lying in a bed completely oblivious to the world around him.

I felt a hand on my left shoulder and I looked back. Mikey was standing behind me. I turned around and fell into him. I started hitting his chest with my fist in frustration and he just took it. My hits were sloppy but full of pain. I stopped due to exhaustion.

“Frank, what’s wrong with him? What’s wrong with my brother?” he asked worried.

“He’s comatose Mikey! He’s in a fucking coma! They don’t know when he’ll wake up! I want him to wake up now! Wake him up!” I was getting angrier by the minute. Why couldn’t the damn doctors do something about it? Why couldn’t they make my angel wake up? Why couldn’t they?

Mikey enveloped me in a tight hug. “Calm down Frankie, calm down. It’s going to be okay,” he whispered to me.

My sobs came out as screams and soon Ray and Bob were in the room with us. I wouldn’t stop thrashing in Mikey’s arms. Mikey kept hold of me tightly. Ray and Bob just looked at us confused. Bob rushed to Mikey’s side and took me from his arms. Ray picked up Gerard’s chart and read it.

“Bob, he’s in a coma,” Ray said in a low voice.

Bob had me in his arms bridal style. I had my head buried deep in his chest. I was soaking his shirt, but I guess he didn’t care at all. “Shh Frankie, he’ll wake up one day. He will wake up Frank.”

“I want him to wake up now,” I cried into his shirt. I could feel that Bob had sat down. I looked up from his chest and saw that Mikey was kneeling next to his brother’s bed. Tears were streaming from his eyes at an alarming rate. He was quiet though.

I saw him take Gerard’s hand in his. “I’m sorry I didn’t find you fast enough Gee! If I did you could have seen mommy before she passed. Look at what I did now. I caused you to fall into this…this thing and I’ve hurt Frankie along the way. He really cares for you Gee. I know you may not know everything, but you should know love.” He kept crying. The beep from the heart monitor acted like a metronome for his words. They were paced and on tempo with the sound.

Ray stood behind Mikey, his hand on Mikey’s shoulder. Ray had seen what Mikey was like when his mother died. He kept close watch of him during that time and I expected this time to be no different. Ray helped Mikey up and sat him in a chair.

“They said we could take him home,” I said so everyone could hear.

“Define take him home,” Mikey uttered.

“We can bring him home in his state. I guess as long as we keep him hooked to the whole heart monitor thing we’ll be fine,” I said not sure about how it would work out. Then the doctor came inside the room.

“My my, this is quite the gathering,” he said looking at us. “Mr. Iero as you know you’re allowed to take home Mr. Way here, but you must keep him hooked up to the heart monitor and IV.”

I nodded and the doctor left the room. He was mumbling about rich kids. I shrugged everything off and I sat myself upright in Bob’s lap. “Let’s get home.”

╪♥╪

We finally had Gerard settled in the brightest room in my home. I never really used the room due to the light, but I wanted my angel to at least feel the warmth of life. Maybe it would coax him to wake up. I stood beside him and pushed his hair back. It was so soft under my fingers. “Oh Gee,” I sighed out looking at his face.

“I really want you to wake up Gerard. You have no idea how much I want that. I want to be able to see you smile again, to hear your voice, to watch your eyes sparkle, to kiss you. I want to hold you and whisper sweet things to you. I want to make you mine. Yet, you can’t do that if you’re like this.” I laced my fingers with Gerard’s. “Wake up my sleeping beauty, wake up,” I whispered. I leaned over and softly kissed his forehead.

I separated myself from Gerard and went back to my own room. Tiredly I pulled off my clothes and put on my pajamas. I crawled into bed and pulled the covers up to my chin. I was so cold. In only two short days I had become accustomed to be bed with someone else. I kicked my legs in frustration.

Sitting up in my bed, I bunched my blankets together and grabbed my pillow. I slipped off my bed and onto my feet. I made my way to Gerard’s room and set my blankets and pillow on the window near his bed. I climbed in and snuggled in on his left side. I tugged on my blankets and laid them over me and my darling. I then tucked my pillow underneath Gerard’s head and mine. Gerard may have not been holding me, but it was better than sleeping alone.

I turned in my small gap of space and draped an arm over Gerard’s waist. I cuddled into him. If things had to be this way I was going to make sure that when Gerard woke up I would be right there.