Cricket On Tour

My best friend is an idiot. I love her, but she is an idiot. Also, I might be an idiot because I should have never let her leave the damn hotel room when she was that worked up. Cricket is a freaking drama queen. And now, she’s an idiot drama queen who just broke up with the love of her life and is currently puking all over my bathroom. She better not expect me to cuddle with her after she’s done either.

I was contemplating cutting all of her hair off so I wouldn’t have to clean the vomit out of it or hold it back for her when my phone rang. It was Jack. Surprise, surprise. He gossips like a fifteen-year-old cheerleader. Although, I feel as though we should try and piece this mess together so we can figure out how to fix it because my best friend is an idiot and so is her boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend, but referring to him as that would not help the situation in the slightest.) and together they are even bigger idiots who would probably get sucked into some sort of bullshit game where they pretend they hate each other, try and make each other more jealous, get more mad at each other, and never make-up. And they have to make-up for my sanity. I am not going to listen to Cricket bitch about this for the next ten years. I might actually kill her.

“What’s up?” I sighed into the phone.

“What the fuck is going on?” Jack demanded. “Alex just punched the bus. And I’m pretty sure he broke his hand, but he’s not talking and just sitting in his bunk staring at the ceiling.”

“Cricket and tequila is what happened.” I said hotly. “Oh, and that dumbfuck from The Maine.”

“Cricket screwed John?” Jack yelped. “How is that possible?”

“No, nothing happened actually. Cricket puked and,”

“She wanted to cuddle.” Jack finished for me with a sigh. “Stupid, cuddly Cricket.”

“Yup.” I replied. “So, how are we going to fix this?”

“Wait, why do we have to fix it?” Jack whined.

“Do you want to listen to them bitch about each other for, like, ever?” I snapped.

“No,” Jack conceded.

“Alright then. First, we need to make Alex realize that he doesn’t need to be mad at Crick, BUT do not under any circumstances tell him that. If you do, it will just piss him off and make him want to forgive her even less. Do you hear me?” I warned.

“Okay, okay,” Jack pouted.

“Let him be mad. But don’t tell him to be mad, that will also set us back. And I’m thinking after a week or two of cooling off we can throw them together in some situation where they will be stuck with each other and forced to make up.”

“Oh! Like in Failure to Launch!” Jack exclaimed.

“Good Lord you are such a girl.”

“Am not! But do you not agree that tying Alex to a chair would be a good idea?” Jack huffed.

“I will admit, that maybe, that is a good idea.” I admitted unhappily. “It stays on the board. Oh, I gotta go. Cricket is trying to take a shower and she will probably crack her head open. Love you, bye.”

“Bye babyyy,” Jack said making gross kissing sounds.

He is such a child. But, he made me laugh and we didn’t have any drama like the star-crossed lovers over there. This plan really has to work, or it will be hell for everyone.