Fear and Love

Turns out Analisa, (she refused to let me call her Ms. Cox - she only makes Mr. Dick call her that because she despises him so much), is quite the firecracker. After Rick Dick was out the door, she was making jokes, cussing, gossiping, and basically acting the complete opposite of that I had expected. After she went over some of the dormitory ground rules and everything else I missed, she led me to my room. It was on the second floor, on the backside of the building and happened to be the most marvelously furnished room I had ever had the privilege to call mine.

Walking in, I scanned the room quickly from left to right, top to bottom and was absolutely enthralled with the details of everything. It was very Victorian, with a huge standing dresser, a four post bed that was roughly the size of an American double, a makeup table with a large ornate mirror, and even a big fluffy chair with a sitting table. I slowly walked around letting my fingers caress the details in everything: the curved golden handles on the dresser doors and drawers, the filigree of the mirror, and each of the little buttons that held the upholstery of the fluffy chair in place. Walking over to the bed, and running my hand over the comforter, the sick realization hit me. Of course, this was too good to be true. With little enthusiasm, I stepped away from the bed looking over to Analisa, who was watching me with a curious smile.

"There must be some mistake," I started, looking down at the carpet, "I was supposed to be in a double. I can't afford a single, so I guess I will have to be in a different room."

She laughed, which I initially thought was quite mean, since I was clearly let down about the whole thing, but then she explained.

"You roommate had to cancel her trip last minute -- something about a bad perm? Anyway, I had Rick take the extra bed and dresser out, I hope you don't mind too terribly much," she finished with a wink.

I giggled, unbelieving of my luck.

"Wow, this is fantastic! Thank you soo much."

"Just wait until you see the view!" Analisa beckoned me over to the two long windows on the side of the room opposite the door. As we neared, I noticed that they weren't windows, but rather french doors. She opened them with a flourish and walked out onto a small balcony, and I followed. My breath caught in my chest as I took in the quaintest, picture perfect garden that was laid out before me.

"This is out shared courtyard," she explained, eyeing me to see my reaction, "We share it with athree private residences and an upscale care home for the elderly."

I could not speak. In fact, I was close to tears. This was all I had imagined my life in England would be, my fantasy of a modern version of Austen's novels (I did that a lot)... Pretty gardens, little benches surrounded by delicate flowers, all in the heart of beautiful Kensington. Realistically, I had not thought it was at all possible, yet here I was standing on my little balcony, looking over an honest to goodness real English garden.

"Well I will leave you to get settled. Remember we're meeting down in the west wing foyer at 6:00 to walk over to Beecher Hall. It is where we have all of our special events... make sure you bring a warm coat. It is a short walk, but it does get chilly."

"Thanks so much for everything, Analisa. Really... this is amazing."

"You're welcome, dear. See you in a few hours."

As soon as the door closed and I heard her footsteps take her down the hall, I full on squealed and starting jumping up and down. I WAS HERE! IT WAS AMAZING! WOOOHOOO! After about another thirty seconds of jumping around, throwing my fists in the air in a victory dance, and swirling around my room I finally collapsed on my back on my gorgeous bed, looking up at the ceiling. Moments like this always left me feeling the need to text or call Aimee, or one of my other good friends back home. That wasn’t an option here, but I reconciled that this was probably a good thing. I came here to learn, to grow and to be fully on my own for once in my life. Removing that crutch would be tough, but already, the immediacy of wanting to talk to someone was waning, and all I felt now was a pure surge of excitement and adventure.

Keeping good on my promise/musing to myself when I first entered the dorm, I quickly pulled out my toiletry bag and a clean shirt from my suitcase and meandered into the bathroom to freshen myself up before I went on my walk. A few moments later, I heard a knock on my door.

“Oh no, Analisa has changed her mind and wants me to change rooms. Iknew I shouldn’t have said anything.”

I grimaced as I shuffled over to the door and opened it. Knowing my day I wouldn’t be surprised if Rick Dick was there too, to deliver the news. Part of me figured Analisa wouldn’t unleash him on me anytime soon, though. As I finally looked up, a slim and tall blonde girl, looking slightly nervous, but very cheerful, stood in front of me.

“Hi! I hope I am not disturbing you, I just wanted to come over and introduce myself, since we are room buddies. You were gone at orientation, so I was hoping to catch you now before we all head over to Beecher Hall. I’m Elisha.”

She lent her hand out to me to shake, all the while a huge smile on her face. She had a lovely British accent, and an impeccable taste in clothing, she was just as put together as Analisa, but more casual.

“Not at all, I was about to go for a walk, actually. I’m Molly,” I replied, matching her good spirits. “What did you mean about room buddies though? Analisa told me my roommate had to cancel her trip...”

I opened my door wider, and motioned for Elisha to come in. My mother had always taught me that it was rude to converse in a doorway. Not to mention, it gets extremely uncomfortable after awhile.

“Oh, well we’re not actual roommates, but I don’t know if you noticed? There is a door to the right of the bathroom hallway... that goes to me and Zoe’s room,” she motioned to the door as she plopped down on the end of my bed.

“Ah, gotcha. The room is so extravagant I just assumed it was another closet or something.” I laughed, taking a seat in the fluffy chair. “So are you from London? You have a lovely accent, so I was just wondering.”

I got embarrassed because the words were out of my mouth before I even thought about them, so I just looked down and played with my sleeve, while I waited for an answer.

“Ha, funny you should mention that, because apparently I am the only Brit staying in the dorms. Everyone else has a flat of their own off campus, or a couple people I met are living with their folks. I decided I wanted to live here since I’ve been in London most my life… I wanted a real University experience. It could be fun. Although, I do stay with my brother sometimes, and since I have a roommate again, it might be more often than not. I just have a feeling we won’t get along so well,” she glanced at the door as she said this, probably nervous she would be overheard. “So where were you going to go on your walk? Just exploring, I assume?” she asked, turning her attention back to me.

“Uhm, sort of. I actually was going to run up to Starbucks and grab a Chai latte and then come back and read for a bit before dinner.”

Elisha now looked at me curiously, not saying anything, though I could tell she was trying to form the words in her head. It took me a second to figure out why she was looking at me so strangely, but then I realized. I was about to explain, but she spoke first.

“Wait, so you just got here this afternoon, right?”

“Yeah, I did. But I have been here before a couple years ago. I stayed in this neighborhood, so I really wanted to walk around and get used to it all again, you know?”

“Ahhh,” she nodded in understanding. “I thought maybe I was mistaken, and you had already been here awhile.”

“Nope, definitely a newbie,” I chuckled. “I’m about to head out now, but you are more than welcome to come with me.”

“Oh, I really would love to, but my brother is going to be stopping by soon. He just got into town from a business meeting and he wants to check on me, see how I’m doing, make sure I’m not living in a slum and everyone is treating me well… you know, typical big brother kind of stuff. We should get together this weekend or something though; go for lunch and shopping...? If you want to, of course. I don’t want to seem pushy. I have a habit of being overly friendly,” she giggled nervously and looked down.

“Of course, I understand. And I really don’t believe in any such thing as too friendly. I’m new to this country; I need all the friends I can get!” I felt a twinge of guilt as I thought back to Pat, and how I just left him back at the airport with not so much as a goodbye.

“Great, well I will see you later tonight. Mind if I go this way?” she motioned to our connecting door.

“Help yourself!” I laughed and waved toward the door.

“Alright, it was nice meeting you Molly. See you tonight!”

“Bye Elisha.”

After she left I gathered my purse and a jacket with gloves, and headed out. Stepping in the elevator, I was a bit relieved that Elisha hadn’t taken me up on my offer. Yes, I needed new friends, but at the same time, my “homecoming” of sorts was kind of a personal thing, and it would be lovely just to explore on my own so I could get lost in my thoughts and would not have to worry about being attentive to my companion.