Exposed In Lights

When a beam of light burst into the dim living room from the hall way I jumped slightly. I sunk into the sofa and hugged my knees into my chest then turned down the TV. I was watching ‘Mary Poppins’ for the hundredth time so I stopped singing and just listened to the song. I tried not to laugh when the waiter penguins started to dance for Mary, it was my favourite part.

I heard the sound of a can of coke opening which meant one thing, Nick. Only he would drink coke this early in the morning, Joe doesn’t like fizzy drinks in the morning and Kevin is a coffee kind of guy and Frankie, well he just drinks juice.

I tried to focus on the TV when the kitchen light switched off and he walked past the open living room door. But he stopped, his body blocking the rays of light from shining into the room. “Who’s awake?” His tired voice asked.

“Uh, me.” I couldn’t think of anything to say, he knew I was here and my voice was clue enough as to whom ‘me’ was. I rubbed my eyes as the light turned off, once my pupils had adjusted to the sudden darkness I was shocked to see Nick sat on the opposite couch to me.

I stared at him but he seemed into the film, finally he glanced my way and I looked away embarrassed that he had caught me staring. “I like this part.” He told me, I already knew that though. We’d watched this movie together a lot of times only under better circumstances.

“Why’d you send Kevin out to spy on me?” I asked after ten minutes of painful silence between us, I kept looking at the TV though.

I could feel his eyes on me, “I had a bad feeling is all.”

So he still has ‘feelings’ about what is going to happen to me. Maybe that’s a sign… or maybe I’m trying to make something out of nothing. The second option seemed more likely.

“Thanks.” I said genuinely. I felt a familiar churn in my stomach as I watched the chalk paintings get washed away by the rain, it reminded me of just how short things can last. All it needs is one blow of something to destroy happiness.

“Thanks for what?” He questioned. I swear sometimes he is so unobservant.

“Thanks for still caring, if you didn’t send Kevin I’d be asleep on my porch.”

I finally let my aching gaze meet his, they say the eyes are the window to the soul and right now as much as he tried to hide it he was melting. I could see it. All the solid coldness he’d been putting on me for months was slipping away, drip by drip.

His muscles finally relaxed and as a reflex reaction mine did too. “You still could have called if Kevin didn’t find you.”

“But I wouldn’t have.” I retorted.

His eye brows furrowed in confusion, “Why not?”

“Because I’m trying as hard as I can to keep away from you and your family so that—” He cut me off not wanting to hear where that was planning on going.

“What did you do to your knuckles?” My heart skipped a beat, I’d completely forgotten about my fist fight. When I looked down my knuckles were bruised, good, I hope their faces were too. “Did you get into a fight?”

I thought about telling Nick and thought about all the reactions I could possibly get from him and none of them were spectacularly good. “Doesn’t matter.” I mumbled and stood up trying to escape that whole conversation.

He followed me into the kitchen and grabbed onto my hand causing me to halt where I was almost as if I had been nailed to the ground. “It does matter, it’s swollen.” He sat me down on a stool at the kitchen island then went to the freezer. I watched him as he got some ice and wrapped it all up in a towel.

I winced as he pressed it to my hand. He rested the palm of my hand on his left hand and held down the make shift ice pack with his right. I tried to ignore my heart beat that thumped against my chest at the touch of his skin against mine. I’d become accustomed to it once but it had worn off, everything was new and fresh again.

“Do you really want to know why my knuckles are swollen?” I asked him tentatively. This was going to be a very awkward conversation. He nodded in reply, looking at me with his interested eyes focusing on me only. “I punched Taylor.”

“I’m not that mad.” He smiled cheekily. His sense of humour wouldn’t last long.

“And…” He wasn’t expecting more, “I punched Amy.”

That was it, my hand was out of his and the ice was on the floor along with the towel. He’d just completely pushed himself away from me. “You hit her?”

“You have to listen to me.” I demanded but he was already out the room. I stood up and ran for the door but I slipped on an ice cube and banged my head. I held in my scream and got back up, focusing on finding Nick. I hadn’t heard him go up stairs so I checked the games room, living room, downstairs bathroom, study and dining room until there was only one room left.

The basement, also known as the music room. I guess he needed the sound proofing.

I pushed the door open and descended the stairs; Nick was sat on the sofa staring at the wall. “What?” He snapped. He’d frozen over again.

“I told Kevin you wouldn’t believe me.” I sighed and sat cross legged on the floor. “I was talking to a girl at the house party called Charlotte and she pointed Taylor out to me, saying he was making out with some girl. I went to check it out and saw it was Amy, I punched Taylor then got slapped from Amy then punched her, twice.” I stood up and tucked my hair behind my ears. “Don’t believe me if you don’t want to, I’m done.”

I headed back up to the guest room to gather my things, I’d walk home if I had to. I looked around the room for my shoe, I found one but couldn’t see the other anywhere. I let out a frustrated sigh and let my self fall onto the bed face first which hurt my nose.

“Done with what?” Nick’s voice startled me, he slowly walked into the room and quietly closed the door behind him but he remained stood at the door. I sat up and crossed my legs under me.

“I feel like I’m trying so hard on someone who just isn’t interested in even being my friend.” I wiped the tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand. “You’re making this so hard for me.” I sighed. I’d finally cracked. “Do you really want to just forget me?” He stayed silent, “Nick.”

“This is so frustrating, I don’t know.” He sat on the bed resting his head in his hands with his elbows pressed into his thighs. I played with the skin on my foot, pulling it up and moving it around, “I don’t want to forget you but I don’t think it would feel right being your friend.”

“Then what are we then?” I said staring at him as he thought carefully to himself. The silence was painful to endure but I knew he needed to think. I was slowly sinking into my self because of fear. I wanted to desperately to reach out and lift his head up.

He finally answered with a simple, “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know a lot.” I sighed and grabbed my dress, bag and shoes. I walked out into the hall and into the bathroom, I could hear Nick behind me. I shut the door in his face and locked it, I changed back into my dress and shoes then rang my Dad. I could see Nick was sat down against the door through the small gap under the door.

My Dad was coming for me so I took a deep breath and unlocked the door. Nick quickly stood up and faced me, I slid past him and quietly pushed the handle of Kevin’s door down. I left him a thank you note then tip-toed out of his bedroom.

* * *

I didn’t see the Jonas’s for a week. I avoided all chances of seeing them like an expert but I knew today I couldn’t get away with it. Mandy was in town and today it was our shoot. I felt really happy and joyful today, I was skipping around the house singing ‘Cute is what we aim for- Newport Living’ as I waited for my parents to get back from dropping the kids off.

They were coming with me today and because my Mum was going one of the top men in the Chanel Corporation were coming. Karl Lagerfeld, celebrities worship at his feet and I would quite happily shine his shoes. Being the head designer of the whole of Chanel and leader of other companies made you a god and the fact he was coming to our shoot only made me more nervous but I refused to let it get to me.

The whole ride to the set my Mum was giving me a quick update on etiquette and how to behave in front of Karl. She was determined to make a good impression on him. Anything less than perfection would not do.

When we arrived we were escorted through numerous corridors until I was pushed into my dressing room. Many people crowded it, only one face was familiar and that was my manager Mike who was checking over everything.

“Hair and make up!” He demanded, I pouted but I couldn’t stop smiling so it didn’t last long.

I was made to look paler than usual and I had smoky eyes dabbed with glitter, flash eye lashes made my eyes feel heavier than usual so I spent the time I was getting my hair done adjusting to them. My hair dangled in loose curls with platinum pins with diamonds studded in them, now I felt even cautious to turn my head but they ensured me it was all safe.

Once I was done there I was dragged behind a shield and the clothes were pulled off my body. I eyed the costume I had to wear. It was a glamorous can-can dancer outfit, the strapless bodice looked like it was going to choke me up at the same time the diamonds and beads that decorated it made it hard to look away. It dipped down into a V line before a petticoat of numerous layers of netting fluffed out the skirt. The skirt itself was black but haf fringes of blue on it.

“Step into the dress.” I did as I was told and the dress slid up my body easily, but then the pain came. The tighter they pulled the bodice the more it hurt. “Okay, let’s go in there and you can brace yourself on something.”

I nodded and shuffled out into the main dressing room then braced my self against the wall, everyone gasped which was a good sign hopefully. People video cameras and normal cameras out. Ashleigh came up to me with a flip video camera, “How’s it feel?” She was trying so hard not to laugh.

I let out a groan of pain as the corset tightened even more, “Is Mandy here?” I asked breathlessly.

“She’s been ready for a half an hour.”

I ignored whoever was wiping some sort of cream on my leg and focused on learning how to breath. “One more.”

The corest tighted around my hips, I winced in pain but relaxed and immediately felt better for it. Someone tapped my foot with a pair of Chanel black shoes and I stepped into them. The hair stylist carefully placed a black feather into my hair and clipped it in place then a large diamond necklace was draped around my neck and a simple necklace was dangling from my wrist also. With a few more nips and tucks everyone backed away from me.

“Wow.” Mike grinned. I smiled for all the pictures and turned around to look at my self in the mirror.

I don’t know who was looking back at me but I didn’t recognise her at first. My waist looked inches smaller and the dress fit me perfectly and looked amazing, my legs shimmered and so did my eyes and cheeks. My lips were glossy and glinted in the fluorescent light, every part of me looked defined and perfect. I glanced at my nails, now painted black matching my out fit.

“You are all genius’s.” I told them and they laughed.

I was so over whelmed when I met Karl, it didn’t seem right when he complimented me and told me how amazing Mandy looked too. I felt like I should be complimenting him on everything and thanking him for everything, which I did but I kind of stuttered it out.

Once everything had calmed down I walked down the corridors, with Dean walking close behind me, to go and see Mandy and probably the Jonas’s. I anxiously rasped my knuckles against the door with the plate on announcing it was ‘Mandy Van Duyne’s dressing room- Chanel Carnival shoot’

I could hear the chatter from inside so I knocked loud and the door opened merely a second after it, Joe’s mouth dropped to the floor and I burst out laughing but stopped once it started to hurt. “Nice to see you too.” I gave Joe and hug then walked in the dressing room that was laid out differently to mine.

I peered around the wall and smiled at the sight of Mandy’s Mom and Dad and all the Jonas’s. Mandy was wearing the same thing as me but it was red and her make up was done to define her more. I noticed her heels were slightly smaller to make us the same size too, how kind of them.

She let out a scream when she saw me which directed everyone’s attention to me, they all stood up and Kevin pulled Mandy up. I understood why he did it immediately, she couldn’t bend her torso. I chuckled as Kevin bombarded me with a hug and Frankie went for my legs.

“No!” I yelled jumping back before Frankie touched them, “Just been done.”

Everyone laughed and I hugged everyone, greeting them all individually. Nick didn’t greet me. I walked over to them all, everyone except Joe and I gathered on the sofas. Joe sat on a stool in front of the mirror facing everyone and Mandy sat on the top of the sofa.

“I see you have the same problem as me.” Mandy chuckled noticing I was still standing. “It’s better if you sit higher up.”

“Here.” Joe lifted me from the ground and I let out a little squeak. He rested me on his knees then random snapped a picture of us with his Polaroid. Once it developed we both laughed. “That was taken from an attractive angle, obviously.”

We both looked ridiculously disprotortionate with the rest of our bodies but I liked it. “How come you were late?” Paul asked me.

“I wasn’t, you were all early.” He smiled at me and went back to looking at his wife. “Have you gotten any of the freebies yet?” I asked everyone.

“Yeah, like ten bags… Joe.” Nick answered causing everyone to giggle, except me. He answered my question, I was elated. “Have you?”

He just asked me a question! Cue the big band. “Not yet, I’ve been in hair and make up for two hours.” He nodded then looked back to Maya who was sat playing on her phone.

“At least he’s talking to you. Bonus!” Joe exclaimed quietly in my ear. I chuckled and patted his head.

“Curly today huh?” I said referring to his hair. He nodded and whipped his head from side to side. “What time is it?”

“Uhhh, eight thirty.”

“Hey, want to go to set early?” I asked Mandy who nodded her head furiously.

As all of us walked to the set people touched up out make up and hair even as we walked, it was insane but Mandy was loving all of it. The set was in three parts, a simple white set, and a set which had a dim lighting to it and was like a vintage dressing room of Moulin Rouge dancers. And the final set was outside and was a Merry-Go-Round that was lit up in numerous colours with old fashioned horses on it and of course it had the Chanel Logo on the top in lights, which was what we were doing first.

It wasn’t that cold outside but I had a cardigan on anyways. We all sat in our chairs, mine and Mandy’s right behind the photographer and everyone else behind us chattering away to each other. “Nervous?”

“Yes, extremely.” Mandy chuckled and closed her eyes as the glitter was redone for the hundredth time.

When we finally did get on the set, music was played for us and the tried to focus on posing as the stupid thing actually moved around. It stopped now and again for some stills giving us chance to not be sick. We did that set for about an hour then moved on the dressing room set.

For this one we just had to spray perfume on ourselves and each other, I wasn’t complaining because this new perfume smelt delicious. Then when we got onto the final shoot it was all kicking legs and throwing our skirts around and us actually holding the perfume.

The music played in the background as Mandy and I chuckled at Joe who was attempting to balance water bottles on his shoulder but he was failing miserably. Then the song changed and I tried to concentrate.

Our song. Mine and Nick’s song. The lyrics were tensing up the environment. They don’t know how long it takes, waiting for a love like this. Every time we say goodbye I wish we had one more kiss. I’ll wait for you, I promise you… I will.

I stared at Nick blankly, and then decided enough was enough. “Can you change the track please?” I shouted stopping whatever pose I was in.

We all watched as a nervous assistant attempted to change the song, finally when she did I let out a long breath and tried to focus on the shoot again. An old song by Pink came on and everyone relaxed but Nick didn’t, he remained as stiff as a board in his seat.

When the shoot finally ended I had never been so happy to be out of the company of the Jonas’s in my life.