Please Tell Me What We Have Is Real

I was worn out and tired. Brian refused to even come to the house to pick up Madison or get stuff he needed, and it seriously ripped my heart apart. I didn't understand how he could go from loving me unconditionally, to not even caring what I was doing that fast. Everytime I looked at my daughter, it was like staring at Brian. She looked so much like him, that I have actually cried from missing him to much. The one thing I miss, is hearing him laugh or playing his guitar and flipping out, then saying nevermind. Decding that I was bored, madison had gone to Brian's residence, I went to the studio and opened it up. I saw the piano on the wall and walked over to it, gently playing the keys and singing the song that seemed to stick in my mind:

Do you remember when we didn't care
We were just two kids that took the moment when it was there
Do you remember you at all
Another heart calls

Yeah I remember when we stole the night
We'd lie awake but dreaming 'til the sun would wash the sky

Just as soon as I see you
But didn't I, but didn't I tell you
As deep as I need you,
You wanna leave it all

What can I do?
Say it's true
Or everything that matters breaks in two
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you

Talk to me
I'm throwing myself in front of you
This could be the last mistake
That I would ever wanna do
Yeah all I ever do is give it's time you see my point of view

Just as soon as I see you
But didn't I, but didn't I tell you
As deep as I need you,
You wanna leave it all

What can I do?
Say it's true
Or everything that matters breaks in two
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you
But I know what you want is to figure it out
And God knows I do too
What can I do?
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Na, na, na, na, na, na

I'm sorry
So what?
But you don't think I've said enough
I'm sorry
I don't care
You were never there

As soon as I see you
But didn't I, but didn't I tell you
As deep as I need you
You wanna leave it all

What can I do?
Say it's true
Or everything that matters breaks in two
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you
But I know what you want is to figure it out
And God knows I do too
What can I do?
Say it's true
I'll never ask for anyone but you
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

I'll never ask for anyone but you
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
[to fade]

By the time I finished I was bawling, and in all honesty, I felt somewhat relieved. That song to me, reminded me of the situation I was in now. Yeah, we both are at fault, but brian made the decision to leave. I would rather have him here with me, cherishing the moments we can, than the awkward silence I've encountered for the past month.

"That was beautiful." Came his smooth voice from the doorway. I put my head down and wiped my eyes quickly. He crossed into the room and sat down on the end of the bench.

"Thanks." I quietly gave him. I saw him ringing his hands and looking around the room.

"What are we doing, Chloe?" Brian asked sometime later. I just shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't know."

"This shouldn't be the way we are around eachother. We've been friends for nearly 24 years. Hell, we were together for 12." He said. Like I didn't know that already.

"I don't know what to tell you Brian. I love you, yet you rip my heart out and don't look back as you leave. You said you didn't want to hurt me, and then you leave when things get hard. So, I don't know what to say to you anymore." I was angry and everything that should have been said is coming up now.

That isn't fair Chloe, I love you. But, I felt like I was hurting you alot. You shouldn't have to put up with my shit anymore. So, I was only doing what I thought was right." I scoffed at that.

"What would have been right would be for you to actually talk to me and tell me how you feel. Not tell me that morning how much you love me and then split. Did you even consider our daughter in this. Look at how she's going to have to grow up now." I told him. I could see hurt and sadness in his now dull brown eyes.

"No I didn't, not until I left and realized I was doing the exact opposite of what I had promised you. Chloe, I'm sorry. There has to be a way to fix this." Deciding I wasn't ready for that just yet, I moved from the bench and started walking towards the living room. I noticed he was walking briskly behind me.

"I'm not ready for that yet Brian, thank you for bringing her home." I told him walking up the stairs.

"This is my house you know." he called up. I stopped and turned to look at him.

"I'll find an apartment and a job Brian, if that's what your implying. I'll contact you when I'm ready to discuss this with you." I walked up the rest of the stairs and closed and locked the nursery door.

Walking over to Madison's crib, she looked so peaceful and unaware of what was going on with everything around her. Sometimes I wish I could be lie her, not a care in the world. I wish that I could rewind to that day and just force him to hear me out, to see how much this wasn't going to affect him and I, but her if we couldn't ever get back together. I looked at my left hand where my engagement ring once rested, and thought about how I hope someday soon that ring would be back on my finger.

"i'll fix this, I promise you." I said to her, lightly stroking her back. I hope I can keep my promise.