Break Down
08
He kissed me. He kissed me and I kissed him back. How stupid can I be? I didn’t push him away. A sudden shiver ran down my spine and my stomach felt weird. The same things I felt when I was happy with him. I pulled away and he let go of my hands. Tears started running down my face and he wiped them away.
“Second chances can change a lot of things you know.” He said wiping another tear from my eye.
“They can but Alex I-“
“Everything can be like it was before and we don’t have to ignore and hate each other. It’s gonna be all okay again”
“Alex I have someone else” I whispered hoping he didn’t hear me. But I guess he did hear me because when I looked up to look at him, he was running out the door. A re- run of what happened when I broke it off. I wanted to be with him again but it wasn’t the right time. A sense of bad timing.
That night I couldn’t sleep at all. I just lay on my bed thinking about everything that just happened. I think I’m falling for him again but I can’t. Jake…I don’t want to hurt him but if I do that, I’d be torturing myself. I like Jake but right now Alex is all I can think about. Life is truly complicated.
I shut my eyes and woke up to a brand new day. Saturday. I got up and took a bath, changed my clothes and went down.
“Good morning” my mother greeted with a smile.
“Good morning” I replied and I sat down on the table and ate breakfast.
Jack, appearing out of nowhere, sat beside me and asked “Are you going to the show tonight?”
“I don’t know I wasn’t even invited.” I lied.
“Zack invited you. I saw him in your room yesterday.”
“That doesn’t mean he invited me”
“Then why would he go to your room? Unless you guys got something going on…”
“Oh shut up! Nothing is going on between us jackass”
“Denying is the first step to acceptance you know”
“Not really”
“So you guys do have something going on…”
“No and ya he did invite me…so what?”
“Are you planning to go?”
“Well ya is there a problem?”
“Is your new boyfriend going with you?”
“He told you?”
“I told you he tells me everything”
“Well that sucks… and I did invite him and he said he’d come with me but I don’t know if I want to go anymore.”
“What happened last night?”
“Didn’t he tell you?”
“No. He just suddenly said that band practice was over and then he ran outside. I chased him outside and that’s when he told me that you had someone else.”
“That’s it?”
“Practically”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“That’s why I need you to elaborate.”
“Well I don’t plan on saying anything.”
“Fine” Jack said getting up and walking out of the kitchen.
I finished my breakfast and stood up. I checked the time and saw that it was only 10:30 a.m. it was still early and I had nothing to do so I went up the stairs and in my room. Once I got inside, I saw an envelope on top of my bed. It was from Alex. Beside the envelope was a note. It said:
Alex wanted me to give you this.
- Jack
I pushed the note aside and got the envelope. I opened it and read the content and it said:
04.02.08
Dear Heather,
I never wanted to hurt you and I never thought something like this would happen. I was careless and I never should have gone to that stupid party that ruined my everything. These words may seem like nothing to you but there’s nothing else I can say to make it right and I know you’d never forgive me but I just wanna let you know that you’ll always be the only one I think I can ever truly give my heart to. It might sound corny but that’s just the way I feel about you. You’ll always give me the butterflies and you’ll always be the most beautiful girl my eyes can ever see. If only I could press rewind and do this all over again, I’d erase last night and I’d change the things that happened. I’d stay with you until and I’d never let go. But now, I guess I’d have to let go coz I know you’d never take me back but I hope and pray that you would because I will always love you. Now and forever… that used to be our motto and what we would keep telling ourselves but look at this now. I bet forever will never happen and all the promises we made will obviously be broken. I wanted to be with you and I still do but if being with me hurts you, then I’d have to tell myself to let you go because I cant stand seeing you in pain and if I’m the reason behind all that pain, then I apologize and I hope you’ll stay happy. But just so you know, I’ll always be here, waiting for you to come back. As I said, I’ll always love you. Now and forever may not mean anything to you anymore but to me, it still means something.
I love you and you should never forget that…
Alex
I dropped the piece of paper and I crashed on the bed I just lay there and held back the tears that wanted to come out but I didn’t let it. I shouldn’t be thinking of getting back with him because ever since I was with him, all he has caused me was pain and I don’t know why I stood by him for 1 year 8 months 2 weeks and 8 days. What can I say? He’s not the only one counting time. But probably I stood by him because I loved him and obviously he loved me back but hurting me just doesn’t cut it. I pushed the pain away and when April 1, 2008 happened, it came out it one full blow. All the pain just broke out of its shell and attacked me altogether. It hurt, yes, but now, Jake is here, here to take all that pain away so why should I keep thinking of Alex? Just because he still cares doesn’t mean I should. I say this
now but I bet it will all change once he’s standing right in front of me. Sometimes I just don’t understand myself… I sighed and shook away the thought and I just lay there staring at the ceiling.
“Second chances can change a lot of things you know.” He said wiping another tear from my eye.
“They can but Alex I-“
“Everything can be like it was before and we don’t have to ignore and hate each other. It’s gonna be all okay again”
“Alex I have someone else” I whispered hoping he didn’t hear me. But I guess he did hear me because when I looked up to look at him, he was running out the door. A re- run of what happened when I broke it off. I wanted to be with him again but it wasn’t the right time. A sense of bad timing.
That night I couldn’t sleep at all. I just lay on my bed thinking about everything that just happened. I think I’m falling for him again but I can’t. Jake…I don’t want to hurt him but if I do that, I’d be torturing myself. I like Jake but right now Alex is all I can think about. Life is truly complicated.
I shut my eyes and woke up to a brand new day. Saturday. I got up and took a bath, changed my clothes and went down.
“Good morning” my mother greeted with a smile.
“Good morning” I replied and I sat down on the table and ate breakfast.
Jack, appearing out of nowhere, sat beside me and asked “Are you going to the show tonight?”
“I don’t know I wasn’t even invited.” I lied.
“Zack invited you. I saw him in your room yesterday.”
“That doesn’t mean he invited me”
“Then why would he go to your room? Unless you guys got something going on…”
“Oh shut up! Nothing is going on between us jackass”
“Denying is the first step to acceptance you know”
“Not really”
“So you guys do have something going on…”
“No and ya he did invite me…so what?”
“Are you planning to go?”
“Well ya is there a problem?”
“Is your new boyfriend going with you?”
“He told you?”
“I told you he tells me everything”
“Well that sucks… and I did invite him and he said he’d come with me but I don’t know if I want to go anymore.”
“What happened last night?”
“Didn’t he tell you?”
“No. He just suddenly said that band practice was over and then he ran outside. I chased him outside and that’s when he told me that you had someone else.”
“That’s it?”
“Practically”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
“That’s why I need you to elaborate.”
“Well I don’t plan on saying anything.”
“Fine” Jack said getting up and walking out of the kitchen.
I finished my breakfast and stood up. I checked the time and saw that it was only 10:30 a.m. it was still early and I had nothing to do so I went up the stairs and in my room. Once I got inside, I saw an envelope on top of my bed. It was from Alex. Beside the envelope was a note. It said:
Alex wanted me to give you this.
- Jack
I pushed the note aside and got the envelope. I opened it and read the content and it said:
04.02.08
Dear Heather,
I never wanted to hurt you and I never thought something like this would happen. I was careless and I never should have gone to that stupid party that ruined my everything. These words may seem like nothing to you but there’s nothing else I can say to make it right and I know you’d never forgive me but I just wanna let you know that you’ll always be the only one I think I can ever truly give my heart to. It might sound corny but that’s just the way I feel about you. You’ll always give me the butterflies and you’ll always be the most beautiful girl my eyes can ever see. If only I could press rewind and do this all over again, I’d erase last night and I’d change the things that happened. I’d stay with you until and I’d never let go. But now, I guess I’d have to let go coz I know you’d never take me back but I hope and pray that you would because I will always love you. Now and forever… that used to be our motto and what we would keep telling ourselves but look at this now. I bet forever will never happen and all the promises we made will obviously be broken. I wanted to be with you and I still do but if being with me hurts you, then I’d have to tell myself to let you go because I cant stand seeing you in pain and if I’m the reason behind all that pain, then I apologize and I hope you’ll stay happy. But just so you know, I’ll always be here, waiting for you to come back. As I said, I’ll always love you. Now and forever may not mean anything to you anymore but to me, it still means something.
I love you and you should never forget that…
Alex
I dropped the piece of paper and I crashed on the bed I just lay there and held back the tears that wanted to come out but I didn’t let it. I shouldn’t be thinking of getting back with him because ever since I was with him, all he has caused me was pain and I don’t know why I stood by him for 1 year 8 months 2 weeks and 8 days. What can I say? He’s not the only one counting time. But probably I stood by him because I loved him and obviously he loved me back but hurting me just doesn’t cut it. I pushed the pain away and when April 1, 2008 happened, it came out it one full blow. All the pain just broke out of its shell and attacked me altogether. It hurt, yes, but now, Jake is here, here to take all that pain away so why should I keep thinking of Alex? Just because he still cares doesn’t mean I should. I say this
now but I bet it will all change once he’s standing right in front of me. Sometimes I just don’t understand myself… I sighed and shook away the thought and I just lay there staring at the ceiling.