Hope Begins to Fade

Hope Begins To Fade Ch. 18- What’s Left of Me

The sun shone brightly in the room as I woke up. I groaned, wrapping my arm tighter around Brian. I opened my eyes to find him still asleep. His hair, which was spiked last night, was now a mess! I pushed myself up a bit to kiss his cheek but his arm pulled me down to his lips. He smirked during the kiss; he’s faked sleeping.

“Morning, beautiful!” he stated after the kiss; his voice was deep and groggy.

“Morning.” I blushed. “How’d you sleep?” he cleared his throat.

“Good… but I’m still tired.” He closed his eyes. “Great night.” I nodded. “Alright, I’m gonna take a shower.” He kissed my forehead and walked to the bathroom.

‘I need to get up…’ I told myself as I heard Brian step in the shower. I stood up and snuck into the bathroom, closing the door. I pulled back the curtain and stepped into the shower. I closed the curtain and started kissing his bicep. He turned, grinning, and pushed me against the wall. He kissed me roughly.

“Geez! Horny still?” I chuckled. He nodded into the kiss.

“What am I supposed to do? Last night was…ugh…indescribable.” He bit my neck. I ran my fingers through his hair; it was down now. He played with the soaked strands of my hair that clung to my skin. He pushed against me and I noticed how hard he was. I grinned…

Johnny’s POV

It’s 1:30 and Scar and Syn aren’t down here…everyone’s resting but me and Shads. He sat there silent…

“Dude, you ok?” I questioned.

He looked at me. “Not really…so did they REALLY do it?” I sighed.

“Why does it matter?” I heard the shower running. There they go again…

He ignored my question. “They’re in the shower, aren’t they?” he sneered. I shrugged.

Scar’s POV

Brian was finally done. He’d been going crazy. He leaned against the wall as I washed my hair then body. I stepped out, wrapping myself with a towel and soon put on my eyeliner. Brian washed up and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist and kissing my neck as I put my clothes on. He dressed and we walked down to the kitchen.

“Scar, we need to talk!” Matt snapped.

“Again?” Brian asked, snickering as he got some pancakes.

“Gates, shut the fuck up or I’ll fucking stab your eyes out!”

“Dude, what the fuck?” Johnny asked.

“Val not givin you any again?” Brian yawned and sat at the table.

Matt grabbed my hand, dragging me outside. He put his arm against the pillar on the porch and stared out to the yard. I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his back; like the old days when I tried to calm him down.

“Mattie, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” I whispered soothingly.

He sighed, turning to me. “You guys really had sex?”

I stepped back a bit. “Why does it matter?”

“I don’t want you getting hurt. He cheated on you and you forgave him. Now you think you love him so you fuck him last night? Scar…you mean so much to me and I don’t want you getting hurt! You’re honestly my best friend and you’re fucking my lead guitarist!?”

“Matt, I understand that you’re used to protecting me but I know what I’m doing.”

“Yeah. But… I know I hurt you when I left…” he said, causing my heart to throb. “…but now that we’re back, I can’t let you hurt anymore. I want to know I can re=patch the wounds I’ve made to you.” He paused. “And…now that we’re back…I…we, mean the band, have to leave.”

I looked at him, shocked. “What!? Why?”

“We have to go back on tour, Scar. And I just rekindled the relationship with you. I know we could go back to the way we were before I left…well, minus the love thing, we both have someone else now. But… I want you to come with us.”

My heart pounded as I stood in awe. Why was it Matt telling m this and not my boyfriend!? Does this mean he doesn’t want me to come? Or that he just used me last night and was planning on it all being over when he had to leave? I held back the thoughts.

“I…I have to think about it…”

“Jaz said if you go, she goes.” Matt stated. I nodded, turning to go inside. “Wait!” he grabbed my wrist. “Please come with us… we’re leaving in three days.” When I didn’t answer, he let me go and I walked into the kitchen.

“Hey!” Brian handed me a plate of pancakes. “Did Matt tell you about…”

“Leaving?” I asked; he nodded. “Yes.” I ate quickly.

“Scar, so are you coming?” Brian questioned. I shrugged and glanced up; he looked hurt. I heard footsteps.

“Scar!” Jaz called. I put my plate in the sink. “Val wants us to go shopping to pack up for the trip!”

“I’m not sure if I’m going…” I said.

“Why?” Val walked in the room.

“Too much to leave behind, you know…” I stated.

“Well…you can shop with us and decide later!” Jaz said, grabbing my arm. “Let’s go!”

“C’ya later, boys!” Val called as we walked out the door.

~~~

We all giggled s we ran down the aisles, throwing things we wanted in the cart. We grabbed food we like and girly-scented shampoo.

“Jaz, can you get tissues and pop, please?” Val asked. Jaz nodded and walked to the other aisle. “Scar… we need to talk…” I gulped. “Alright, so Brian really wants you to go…he’s acting out of it because of your response. He was afraid to ask and hinted for Matt to do it for him…” she put some cookies in the cart. “He is hoping you’ll come and honestly so am I. You know how we had some time for the band to practice?” I nodded. They’d taken a day for the band to sit down in the garage and just play their songs. It sounded great! “Well, he was out of it; claimed he knew we’d be leaving and was nervous. So… I’m nervous that he’ll keep screwing up guitar licks if you don’t come.” She gave me a smile.

…This was going to be even harder…

“You really want me to come? I thought you still didn’t like me.”

She shook her head. “I’ll be honest. I didn’t like you. But then you got with Syn and I realized you wouldn’t take Matt from me. You’re fun, funny, sweet, and you keep Brian on his toes.” We laughed. “And I want us to be friends.”

I paused. I was ready to let go of this hate and burden… I was ready to forgive her. “I’d like that.” I spoke, smiling. “But I don’t know. I feel I’ll be intruding if I come and I’d be leaving everything behind.”
“You’d be with your best friend, your new friends, and your boyfriend.” She nodded, staring into my eyes. “Just, please think about it,” I nodded.