I Will Never End Up Like Him
9
"AMY!" Someone yelled as I was nearing my locker at the end of the day. I know that voice. I walked faster and made it to my locker.
"Amy. Listen! I am so so so sorry. I didn't know!" Cole said catching up with me. I looked at him and shrugged walking off. The hallway was still full, so there was no way I could make it out before Cole could catch me. I looked around and saw Spencer and Ryan standing by Spencer's locker. I ran over and stood in between them and pointed towards Cole who was not far behind.
"We got him." Spencer assured.
"Hey, bub. Back off!" he said stomping his foot towards Cole. I smiled.
"Umm, I need to talk to Amy." he said trying to push him out of the way.
"No you don't." Spencer said. I saw Pete across the hall and ran jumping on him.
"Well, hello." he laughed. Cole walked away after that. Ah, thank God for Pete!...and the fact Cole's scared shitless of him. Spencer finished getting his stuff and walked with us to the door.
"So, what is Cole's deal?" Ryan asked. I shrugged.
"He's scared of me, At least someone in this school looks scary." Pete said proudly.
"That's good, cause the rest of us just look like a walking Teddy Bears! Especially Jon!" Ryan said as we approached Jon.
"What about Jon?" Jon asked.
"You're a walking Teddy Bear!" Spencer smiled. We made it out the doors by some miracle and I ran over to Landon. I pointed to the guys and he nodded, understanding what I meant. I went back over to the guys. No I wasn't planning on hanging out with them, I was going to go smoke. It's getting boring hanging out with them anyway when I don't talk.
"Hey where to today?" Pete asked as I rejoined the group. I pointed over my shoulder to the twins car.
"Your house?" Pete questioned. I shook my head and pointed to myself then the car again.
"Are you going home?" he asked. I nodded.
"Why?" I shrugged.
"Let's go to Joe's!" Pete said excited.
"Isn't he out of town?" Jon asked. Pete nodded.
"Pete. Not again." Patrick said. I shook my head smirking.
"Wait, do you guys just break into peoples houses when they aren't home?" Brendon asked.
"Well, Andy and I broke into Amy's house while she was in China...and we broke her bed." Pete explained.
"You broke her...bed?!" Ryan asked. Patrick was laughing quietly.
"Then he called me to fix it."
"Wait, how did you break it in the first place?" Spencer cut in looking like he really didn't want to know.
"Well I jumped on it numerous times, Andy didn't really do anything, but watch tv." Pete concluded.
"Wow. Well, let's not, let's go to..Spencer's!" Jon says with an evil smirk turning towards Spencer.
"Guys that stripper next door will be home!" Spencer complained.
"But your parents won't be." he argued. Spencer sighed. I hadn't noticed Logan and Landon pull away.
"Hey Amy, your ride just left you." Ryan said. I turned and shrugged before heading "home" on foot. I was actually going to the alley. I gave a wave over my shoulder. I was a good distance away when Patrick caught up to me.
"Hey, you okay?" he asked. I stood in front of him so they couldn't see me.
"Yeah." I whispered. He smiled when I spoke.
"Why aren't you coming to Spencer's?"
"I don't know." I shrugged.
"Come on. If you don't I will....take a bath in hot butter and deep fry myself tonight."
I laughed, "What good would that do?"
"I don't know, but you are coming. End of discussion." he said.
"I don't see why it matters, I just sit there quiet, I would find myself annoying."
"No, they like you. They don't care if you don't talk. They still think you're cool, come on." he said pulling me back. I sighed and went with him. I need to get high, soon. I got in Pete's car and headed to Spencer's house. I want to know why our "Group" is so big now. I mean 9 fucking people! We got there and his parents weren't home. They pulled out some fireworks they had made and a gatorade bottle. Goodness, boys have weird hobbies. I sat on Spencer's porch watching as they wheeled out his lawnmower and put it in the middle of the street. They filled the bottom of the bottle with gasoline and put the fireworks in the top then put it in the lawnmower. Okay, if they are going to set that off, They are idiots. Patrick was protesting, I got up to join him, but Pete pushed us back down on the porch while Brendon lit a match and dropped it onto the bottle. I stood up and joined the line of guys watching anxiously. It shot up and hit one of those metal electrical boxes on the sides of one of those phonelines, which caught it on fire.
Pete was staring wide eyed and amused with Spencer, while Brendon ran around yelling profanities with Ryan. Me, Jon, and Patrick were trying not to laugh. Then this lady runs out of the house next door and turns on her hose, which spreads the gasoline and makes the fire bigger. Ryan ran down the street and the rest of us ran inside Spencer's house, well except Jon who ran after Ryan. We got inside and Spencer slammed the door.
"I constantly thank God for the stripper!" he breathed as we watched her put out the fire.
"Spencer..your lawnmower is still in the middle of the street." Pete pointed. Spencer ran and dragged it into the garage before coming back inside and slamming the door again. We heard a banging on the backdoor and all turned to see Jon and Ryan. Spencer opened it and ran around locking all the doors and closing all the curtains.
"Basement!" he said. We all ran into his unfinished basement. I died laughing. Yes, I actually laughed, I can't believe it. I tried not to, and it was pretty embarrassing considering it was all hoarse and dry. All 6 heads shot to look at me and I immediatly stopped.
"Holy shit." was all Pete said. Everyone stared at me in complete shock.
"Wait, I am so confused!" Jon groaned. Ryan turned towards him.
"She can talk, she just doesn't. I told you this!" he explained. Jon made an 'oh' face and I stared at the ground wide eyed.
*knock knock knock*
Spencer turned towards us wide eyed.
"I don't know why you're scared. She can't get in your house. Why are we even hiding in the basement?" Pete asked heading upstairs.
"Now we are stuck in your house until she- AGH!" Jon jumped as we saw feet pass the basement window. I pointed upstairs and we all sprinted up the stairs.
"Upstairs!" Spencer yelled heading up another flight of stairs. We got onto a hallway that had 4 doors. He opened the second one on the left and stepped in sliding over to the window and closing the curtains.
"I am no longer thanking God for that!" Spencer said shaking his head.
We heard some more knocks at the door downstairs.
"So you can talk?" Jon questioned once everyone started their own conversationg about the stripper next door.
I rolled my eyes and nodded.
"but you don't?" he clarified. I shook my head.
"Wait, no as in you do..or no as in..you don't?" he asked. I shook my head again.
"I am just taking that as a no." I nodded. He groaned.
"So why don't you?" I shrugged. Hasn't this passed, doesn't everyone know why?
"Jon don't interogate the mute." Pete snapped pulling on Jon's sleeve. I glared at Pete and he shrugged. Their conversations are so random. I tune them out most of the time.
"You smell like smoke." Pete pointed out pinching his nose. Crap! I wore this hoodie the other night when I went to the alley. I shrugged and sniffed my arm.
"Again?" Patrick asked leaning over to sniff me. I jumped back. Before I knew it everyone was sniffing me and agreeing. I just kept shrugging.
"Does Landon, Logan, or Mabel smoke?" Patrick asked confused. I shook my head 'no'.
"So why do you smell like it?" I shrugged again. Patrick pulled me out of the room and downstairs, against my will.
"Why do you smell like it?" I shrugged. He frowned.
"I don't know." I whispered, voice just as hoarse as it was in the woods. He held the same blank expression and stared at me, I stared back.
"You tried starving yourself, what else are you doing?" he asked.
"Nothing. They made me eat, I eat now, you see me every-"
"I'm not talking about eating!" he yelled, which caught me off gaurd. Patrick doesn't yell, period.
"Nothing." I said again.
"Why is your voice hoarse?" he asked. Stupid.
"I don't talk. It gets a bit rusty." I said clearing my throat.
"Breathe." he said. I looked at him confused, he looked back expectantly. I got the hint and blew in his face. I would hope that brushing your teeth and eating would get the smell off, but surprisingly it doesn't always work too well.
"Why have you been smoking?" he asks, see my point? I shrugged again and shook my head 'no', looking confused.
"Yes, you have. Why?" he asked. I looked at him like 'duh'.
"Are you trying to kill yourself?" he asked. I shrugged.
"Give me them." he said holding out his hand.
"No." I said firmly.
"Give them to me now."
"No, Patrick. It's my life, okay?" If they were only cigarettes I would hand them over, but they aren't, and I went through a lot for this.
"Where's your bag?" he asked. I had left it upstairs.
"In the car." I lied glancing anywhere but him, he didn't buy it. He turned and was upstairs before I could stop him. I ran after him. Everyone eyed us curiously as we entered the room, he ignored them and glanced around for my bag. I saw it right where I left it, but I made no point to draw attention to it. He saw it anyway. He grabbed it, ripping it open. I tried to pull it away from him, but he swatted me away. He found the lighter, which wasn't as well hidden as the drugs. He held it up to my face and I shrugged. I was trying to ignore the fact that 5 very curious pairs of eyes were on us. He dug through the entire bag and then went to the front pockets, oh no. He dug through one full of pencils and pens then opened the other one and raised an eyebrow. He dug through as if it were not full of feminine products. I turned red, I don't think I was as embarrassed as I was scared, frustrated. Then he found it. all of it. He looked at me with wide eyes. I just stared at him expressionless. He looked pissed.
"I can't believe you." he said, voice no higher than his breathing. I just stared at him, still holding my blank expression. Everyone still stared curiously. He tossed my bag back at my feet and stormed out. I grabbed it and ran after him.
"Patrick." I said. He kept walking. "Patrick. Stop!" I said catching up with him at the bottom of the stairs.
"No, no! You have blown this entire thing out of proportion!" he yelled. My blank expression returned, and I bit my lip to keep it that way. He continued,
"Not talking was one thing! Then not eating was a bit extreme, and this! This is ridiculous! What else are you doing? Well, it certainly isn't good! I don't care who died, or what midlife crisis you are going through! It's got to stop!" he said turning around. He had tears in his eyes.
"Fine. Okay, take them. Just stop fucking around in my business!" I said pulling out the drugs, grabbing his hand, and putting them in it.
"No, I won't, because you are messing up your life and I'm fucking sick of it! Your life could still be good! You've still got us! Hell you've gained 7 people in your life because of this, and Brendon's parents! You are just finding a way to make people feel sorry for you! To make it look like you have it horrible! Do you know how many kids at our school have it a shitload worse than you!" he said, not lowering his voice at all.
"I do not want people to feel sorry for me. My family was all I had, okay? You guys don't understand! No one fucking understands!" I said through clenched teeth.
"You had us!" he yelled.
"Are you done yelling!?" I asked teeth still clenched.
"No, I'm not! You still think your life is so bad! You have a bunch of friends, you have Mabel and the twins, you still have your brother! Even after you've done all this! You haveall of us through it all...had. You had all of us through it all." he said lowering his voice a bit.
"Had?" I repeated voice cracking.
"I told you, I can't do this anymore. I'm sick of cleaning up your mess. I'm sick of taking care of you, telling you everything's gonna be okay. I am sick of it!" Patrick says, raising his voice back to yelling.
"Then I'll leave, but fuck off, Patrick Stump." I said unlocking the dead bolt Spencer had locked during his frenzy and stomping out. There was a black mark on the electrical box and I rolled my eyes and headed down the street. We came here from school so I just decided to go back to that alley. I could easily get more drugs, no charge. I ran and sat down. The sun was just going down so people should be here soon. It's kind of like a black market, only more open. I don't see how the cops aren't here like everynight, but every night I've been here, it's been safe...well, you know. I sat next to the door the guy has access to. I think he does something for the club, because he took me to a room in there when we...yeah, and he may be 20 and it might be illegal, but fuck that. He showed up. I decided I could talk to him...he already heard me moan...
"Hey, can I get pills this time?" I said, which caught him offgaurd.
"I talk now." I said just as quietly. He just nodded.
"Yeah, those aren't as expensive, do you have any money?" he asked. I shook my head, he smirked.
---
So, I got like a shitload of pills from that. Sweet. Now I won't smell or anything.
"Can Istay here tonight?" I asked nervously.
"Sure, my brother owns the Oasis, but I need to know your name." he said all proud of himself, looking around the room that held a lot of drugs. Shit! We didn't even know eachother's names yet.
"I'm Amy and Thanks. I don't want to go home." I said quietly pulling my knees up to my chest.
"Johnny, and Why not?" he asked. We talked the entire night and I told him my whole story. It was about 3 am.
"Well it doesn't sound like Patrick understands." he said. I nodded. He tilted my chin up and kissed me. I kissed back, and when he layed me down and got on top of my, I obliged.
I think I love him.
You only love the sex.
Shut, up. That's not it.
As I had this silent battle in my head, Johnny was undressing me...again. That's pretty much how the night went on. My phone buzzed a few times in my jeans pocket, but I ignored it. It was 7 am and I was about to finally fall asleep then I shot up.
"What's wrong?" Johnny mumbled pushing me back down.
"I have school!" I said standing up.
"Can you skip today?" he asked. I shook my head.
"No, no, the twins..everyone..no! They are probably..shit!" I said not making and sense.
"It's okay, weren't you at a friends house before you came here?" he asked.
"Yeah."
"Then they probably thought you spent the night, it's fine." he excused.
"Okay, well I need to get to school, which is conveniently located under a mile away." I said slipping on my clothes. I kissed him really fast and headed out the door. I was blinded by the sun, but I kept walking. I made it to school. ThenI realized I probably looked like a piece of shit that got hit by a car, layed in the street for weeks, then ran to school. Yup, perfect description. I sprinted off the schoolgrounds and into the house no more than 10 minutes later. No one was there, I took a shower, changed clothes, and pulled my hair into a ponytail running back to school. I felt like I was going to die so I sat on the steps catching my breath. I was already late, I decided I would wait until my next class to make my appearance known, which wasn't far away. I headed inside and the hallways were crowded. I went to my locker and headed to my class. I got in there and sat in my normal seat. The first person to walk in the class was Ryan Ross.
"Amy!" he yelled causing everyone to look at us. He ran next to my seat and stared at me wide eyed.
"What?" I snapped. His jaw dropped and his eyes somehow got bigger.
"Ryan are you o- HOLY SHIT AMY!" Brendon yelled, lucky for him the teacher wasn't there.
"What?" I snapped again more annoyed this time. This got his expression to get more shocked also. Ryan pulled me out of my seat and out of the classroom into the library.
"Stop." I said pulling my arm. I got away, and right when I pulled backwards I smacked into another person, I turned to see Brendon. He grabbed back on to my arm and led me to the library. We got in there and I sat.
"I already missed my first class!" I complained.
"What the hell. I don't even know where to start!" Ryan said. I looked at him confused.
"Why?" Brendon asked as Ryan thought. I looked over at him.
"Why'd you do it? You broke Patrick's heart. Everyone thinks your missing again, and then you just show up in school. What the hell? You broke Patrick's freaking heart!" he said trying to keep his voice down.
"Patrick's fine." I said rolling my eyes.
"Why are you even talking again? What changed? What's going on?" Ryan asked.
"I gave up. I don't know." I shrugged putting my head in my hands, "I'm so tired." I groaned.
"Where the hell were you?" Ryan asked.
"Awake." I answered.
"Where?" Ryan asked again rolling his eyes.
"I don't know. Wandering around." Having sex, close enough.
"All night?"
"Yup."
"Why didn't we find you?"
"We?"
"Everyone was looking for you. Again!" Brendon said.
"I don't know, I guess you weren't looking hard enough." I shrugged. This just pissed them off.
"You are so ridiculous!" Brendon said, I shrugged. We were in there until lunch. I had made a decision during our little talk.
I ran to our usual table.
"Amy!" Everyone gasped.
"Yeah, it's me shut up." I said sitting down. This just made them in more shock.
"Yeah, I'm talking shut the fuck up." I repeated, though they weren't really talking.
"Seriously stop acting shocked or I will kill myself!" I groaned annoyed. They shook it off and I looked around. I didn't have a lunch. I shrugged.
"Sorry guys, I love you all." I said quickly. They looked at me confused. I shrugged, they'd understand eventually. I spent the rest of lunch trying to have a 'sentimental' conversation, that wasn't weird.
"I'm gonna go home, see you tomorrow." I said standing up from the lunch table and heading off.
"I love how she so casually walks out like she owns the place." I heard Joe mumble. I smiled to myself and walked out the doors heading home. I packed all of my stuff, which wasn't much, and went back to the alley. I was walking down the road past school when I heard a honk. I quickened the pace hoping it wouldn't be a teacher or something.
"Hey!" I heard a familiar voice call. I smiled and looked up at the car. Inside was Johnny. I got in.
"What happened to school?"
"I'm not going back." I said.
"Does anyone know?" he asked.
"Well, I kind of told my friends that I loved them and that I may do somethings that don't seem like it, but no matter what I will, and they may or may not have suspected it, I am going with may not." I said. He nodded.
"Where are you staying?" I sighed.
"I don't know."
He smirked, "You can stay with me."
I looked up hopefully, "In the alley?" I asked, personally, I'd rather stay in this car than the alley.
"No, haha, did you think I lived there? In my apartment." he said. I nodded happy. He drove down the street and I layed my head back closing my eyes.
"Tired?" he asked laughing a little.
"No shit." I said smirking at him. We got to his apartment in what felt like 5 minutes, although it was definetly longer cause I didn't recognize the area, and if you haven't noticed, our town is freaking small. I got out and he held one of my bags leading me inside. It was nice. It had 2 bedrooms, connected by a bathroom, a kitchen, and a room right when you walked in that had a tv and a couch with a coffee table.
I smiled.
"Want to sleep?" he asked. I looked at him and nodded.
"My room is this one." he said pulling me into one. It had a bed with white sheets and a cream comforter that was unmade. I smiled and jumped into it snuggling my face into a pillow. It felt amazing.
"I haven't had a bed bigger than a twin in atleast a month!" I moaned rolling over. He laughed and kicked his shoes off falling next to me. I snuggled into him and he wrapped his arms around me. I was asleep fast after that.
"Amy. Listen! I am so so so sorry. I didn't know!" Cole said catching up with me. I looked at him and shrugged walking off. The hallway was still full, so there was no way I could make it out before Cole could catch me. I looked around and saw Spencer and Ryan standing by Spencer's locker. I ran over and stood in between them and pointed towards Cole who was not far behind.
"We got him." Spencer assured.
"Hey, bub. Back off!" he said stomping his foot towards Cole. I smiled.
"Umm, I need to talk to Amy." he said trying to push him out of the way.
"No you don't." Spencer said. I saw Pete across the hall and ran jumping on him.
"Well, hello." he laughed. Cole walked away after that. Ah, thank God for Pete!...and the fact Cole's scared shitless of him. Spencer finished getting his stuff and walked with us to the door.
"So, what is Cole's deal?" Ryan asked. I shrugged.
"He's scared of me, At least someone in this school looks scary." Pete said proudly.
"That's good, cause the rest of us just look like a walking Teddy Bears! Especially Jon!" Ryan said as we approached Jon.
"What about Jon?" Jon asked.
"You're a walking Teddy Bear!" Spencer smiled. We made it out the doors by some miracle and I ran over to Landon. I pointed to the guys and he nodded, understanding what I meant. I went back over to the guys. No I wasn't planning on hanging out with them, I was going to go smoke. It's getting boring hanging out with them anyway when I don't talk.
"Hey where to today?" Pete asked as I rejoined the group. I pointed over my shoulder to the twins car.
"Your house?" Pete questioned. I shook my head and pointed to myself then the car again.
"Are you going home?" he asked. I nodded.
"Why?" I shrugged.
"Let's go to Joe's!" Pete said excited.
"Isn't he out of town?" Jon asked. Pete nodded.
"Pete. Not again." Patrick said. I shook my head smirking.
"Wait, do you guys just break into peoples houses when they aren't home?" Brendon asked.
"Well, Andy and I broke into Amy's house while she was in China...and we broke her bed." Pete explained.
"You broke her...bed?!" Ryan asked. Patrick was laughing quietly.
"Then he called me to fix it."
"Wait, how did you break it in the first place?" Spencer cut in looking like he really didn't want to know.
"Well I jumped on it numerous times, Andy didn't really do anything, but watch tv." Pete concluded.
"Wow. Well, let's not, let's go to..Spencer's!" Jon says with an evil smirk turning towards Spencer.
"Guys that stripper next door will be home!" Spencer complained.
"But your parents won't be." he argued. Spencer sighed. I hadn't noticed Logan and Landon pull away.
"Hey Amy, your ride just left you." Ryan said. I turned and shrugged before heading "home" on foot. I was actually going to the alley. I gave a wave over my shoulder. I was a good distance away when Patrick caught up to me.
"Hey, you okay?" he asked. I stood in front of him so they couldn't see me.
"Yeah." I whispered. He smiled when I spoke.
"Why aren't you coming to Spencer's?"
"I don't know." I shrugged.
"Come on. If you don't I will....take a bath in hot butter and deep fry myself tonight."
I laughed, "What good would that do?"
"I don't know, but you are coming. End of discussion." he said.
"I don't see why it matters, I just sit there quiet, I would find myself annoying."
"No, they like you. They don't care if you don't talk. They still think you're cool, come on." he said pulling me back. I sighed and went with him. I need to get high, soon. I got in Pete's car and headed to Spencer's house. I want to know why our "Group" is so big now. I mean 9 fucking people! We got there and his parents weren't home. They pulled out some fireworks they had made and a gatorade bottle. Goodness, boys have weird hobbies. I sat on Spencer's porch watching as they wheeled out his lawnmower and put it in the middle of the street. They filled the bottom of the bottle with gasoline and put the fireworks in the top then put it in the lawnmower. Okay, if they are going to set that off, They are idiots. Patrick was protesting, I got up to join him, but Pete pushed us back down on the porch while Brendon lit a match and dropped it onto the bottle. I stood up and joined the line of guys watching anxiously. It shot up and hit one of those metal electrical boxes on the sides of one of those phonelines, which caught it on fire.
Pete was staring wide eyed and amused with Spencer, while Brendon ran around yelling profanities with Ryan. Me, Jon, and Patrick were trying not to laugh. Then this lady runs out of the house next door and turns on her hose, which spreads the gasoline and makes the fire bigger. Ryan ran down the street and the rest of us ran inside Spencer's house, well except Jon who ran after Ryan. We got inside and Spencer slammed the door.
"I constantly thank God for the stripper!" he breathed as we watched her put out the fire.
"Spencer..your lawnmower is still in the middle of the street." Pete pointed. Spencer ran and dragged it into the garage before coming back inside and slamming the door again. We heard a banging on the backdoor and all turned to see Jon and Ryan. Spencer opened it and ran around locking all the doors and closing all the curtains.
"Basement!" he said. We all ran into his unfinished basement. I died laughing. Yes, I actually laughed, I can't believe it. I tried not to, and it was pretty embarrassing considering it was all hoarse and dry. All 6 heads shot to look at me and I immediatly stopped.
"Holy shit." was all Pete said. Everyone stared at me in complete shock.
"Wait, I am so confused!" Jon groaned. Ryan turned towards him.
"She can talk, she just doesn't. I told you this!" he explained. Jon made an 'oh' face and I stared at the ground wide eyed.
*knock knock knock*
Spencer turned towards us wide eyed.
"I don't know why you're scared. She can't get in your house. Why are we even hiding in the basement?" Pete asked heading upstairs.
"Now we are stuck in your house until she- AGH!" Jon jumped as we saw feet pass the basement window. I pointed upstairs and we all sprinted up the stairs.
"Upstairs!" Spencer yelled heading up another flight of stairs. We got onto a hallway that had 4 doors. He opened the second one on the left and stepped in sliding over to the window and closing the curtains.
"I am no longer thanking God for that!" Spencer said shaking his head.
We heard some more knocks at the door downstairs.
"So you can talk?" Jon questioned once everyone started their own conversationg about the stripper next door.
I rolled my eyes and nodded.
"but you don't?" he clarified. I shook my head.
"Wait, no as in you do..or no as in..you don't?" he asked. I shook my head again.
"I am just taking that as a no." I nodded. He groaned.
"So why don't you?" I shrugged. Hasn't this passed, doesn't everyone know why?
"Jon don't interogate the mute." Pete snapped pulling on Jon's sleeve. I glared at Pete and he shrugged. Their conversations are so random. I tune them out most of the time.
"You smell like smoke." Pete pointed out pinching his nose. Crap! I wore this hoodie the other night when I went to the alley. I shrugged and sniffed my arm.
"Again?" Patrick asked leaning over to sniff me. I jumped back. Before I knew it everyone was sniffing me and agreeing. I just kept shrugging.
"Does Landon, Logan, or Mabel smoke?" Patrick asked confused. I shook my head 'no'.
"So why do you smell like it?" I shrugged again. Patrick pulled me out of the room and downstairs, against my will.
"Why do you smell like it?" I shrugged. He frowned.
"I don't know." I whispered, voice just as hoarse as it was in the woods. He held the same blank expression and stared at me, I stared back.
"You tried starving yourself, what else are you doing?" he asked.
"Nothing. They made me eat, I eat now, you see me every-"
"I'm not talking about eating!" he yelled, which caught me off gaurd. Patrick doesn't yell, period.
"Nothing." I said again.
"Why is your voice hoarse?" he asked. Stupid.
"I don't talk. It gets a bit rusty." I said clearing my throat.
"Breathe." he said. I looked at him confused, he looked back expectantly. I got the hint and blew in his face. I would hope that brushing your teeth and eating would get the smell off, but surprisingly it doesn't always work too well.
"Why have you been smoking?" he asks, see my point? I shrugged again and shook my head 'no', looking confused.
"Yes, you have. Why?" he asked. I looked at him like 'duh'.
"Are you trying to kill yourself?" he asked. I shrugged.
"Give me them." he said holding out his hand.
"No." I said firmly.
"Give them to me now."
"No, Patrick. It's my life, okay?" If they were only cigarettes I would hand them over, but they aren't, and I went through a lot for this.
"Where's your bag?" he asked. I had left it upstairs.
"In the car." I lied glancing anywhere but him, he didn't buy it. He turned and was upstairs before I could stop him. I ran after him. Everyone eyed us curiously as we entered the room, he ignored them and glanced around for my bag. I saw it right where I left it, but I made no point to draw attention to it. He saw it anyway. He grabbed it, ripping it open. I tried to pull it away from him, but he swatted me away. He found the lighter, which wasn't as well hidden as the drugs. He held it up to my face and I shrugged. I was trying to ignore the fact that 5 very curious pairs of eyes were on us. He dug through the entire bag and then went to the front pockets, oh no. He dug through one full of pencils and pens then opened the other one and raised an eyebrow. He dug through as if it were not full of feminine products. I turned red, I don't think I was as embarrassed as I was scared, frustrated. Then he found it. all of it. He looked at me with wide eyes. I just stared at him expressionless. He looked pissed.
"I can't believe you." he said, voice no higher than his breathing. I just stared at him, still holding my blank expression. Everyone still stared curiously. He tossed my bag back at my feet and stormed out. I grabbed it and ran after him.
"Patrick." I said. He kept walking. "Patrick. Stop!" I said catching up with him at the bottom of the stairs.
"No, no! You have blown this entire thing out of proportion!" he yelled. My blank expression returned, and I bit my lip to keep it that way. He continued,
"Not talking was one thing! Then not eating was a bit extreme, and this! This is ridiculous! What else are you doing? Well, it certainly isn't good! I don't care who died, or what midlife crisis you are going through! It's got to stop!" he said turning around. He had tears in his eyes.
"Fine. Okay, take them. Just stop fucking around in my business!" I said pulling out the drugs, grabbing his hand, and putting them in it.
"No, I won't, because you are messing up your life and I'm fucking sick of it! Your life could still be good! You've still got us! Hell you've gained 7 people in your life because of this, and Brendon's parents! You are just finding a way to make people feel sorry for you! To make it look like you have it horrible! Do you know how many kids at our school have it a shitload worse than you!" he said, not lowering his voice at all.
"I do not want people to feel sorry for me. My family was all I had, okay? You guys don't understand! No one fucking understands!" I said through clenched teeth.
"You had us!" he yelled.
"Are you done yelling!?" I asked teeth still clenched.
"No, I'm not! You still think your life is so bad! You have a bunch of friends, you have Mabel and the twins, you still have your brother! Even after you've done all this! You haveall of us through it all...had. You had all of us through it all." he said lowering his voice a bit.
"Had?" I repeated voice cracking.
"I told you, I can't do this anymore. I'm sick of cleaning up your mess. I'm sick of taking care of you, telling you everything's gonna be okay. I am sick of it!" Patrick says, raising his voice back to yelling.
"Then I'll leave, but fuck off, Patrick Stump." I said unlocking the dead bolt Spencer had locked during his frenzy and stomping out. There was a black mark on the electrical box and I rolled my eyes and headed down the street. We came here from school so I just decided to go back to that alley. I could easily get more drugs, no charge. I ran and sat down. The sun was just going down so people should be here soon. It's kind of like a black market, only more open. I don't see how the cops aren't here like everynight, but every night I've been here, it's been safe...well, you know. I sat next to the door the guy has access to. I think he does something for the club, because he took me to a room in there when we...yeah, and he may be 20 and it might be illegal, but fuck that. He showed up. I decided I could talk to him...he already heard me moan...
"Hey, can I get pills this time?" I said, which caught him offgaurd.
"I talk now." I said just as quietly. He just nodded.
"Yeah, those aren't as expensive, do you have any money?" he asked. I shook my head, he smirked.
---
So, I got like a shitload of pills from that. Sweet. Now I won't smell or anything.
"Can Istay here tonight?" I asked nervously.
"Sure, my brother owns the Oasis, but I need to know your name." he said all proud of himself, looking around the room that held a lot of drugs. Shit! We didn't even know eachother's names yet.
"I'm Amy and Thanks. I don't want to go home." I said quietly pulling my knees up to my chest.
"Johnny, and Why not?" he asked. We talked the entire night and I told him my whole story. It was about 3 am.
"Well it doesn't sound like Patrick understands." he said. I nodded. He tilted my chin up and kissed me. I kissed back, and when he layed me down and got on top of my, I obliged.
I think I love him.
You only love the sex.
Shut, up. That's not it.
As I had this silent battle in my head, Johnny was undressing me...again. That's pretty much how the night went on. My phone buzzed a few times in my jeans pocket, but I ignored it. It was 7 am and I was about to finally fall asleep then I shot up.
"What's wrong?" Johnny mumbled pushing me back down.
"I have school!" I said standing up.
"Can you skip today?" he asked. I shook my head.
"No, no, the twins..everyone..no! They are probably..shit!" I said not making and sense.
"It's okay, weren't you at a friends house before you came here?" he asked.
"Yeah."
"Then they probably thought you spent the night, it's fine." he excused.
"Okay, well I need to get to school, which is conveniently located under a mile away." I said slipping on my clothes. I kissed him really fast and headed out the door. I was blinded by the sun, but I kept walking. I made it to school. ThenI realized I probably looked like a piece of shit that got hit by a car, layed in the street for weeks, then ran to school. Yup, perfect description. I sprinted off the schoolgrounds and into the house no more than 10 minutes later. No one was there, I took a shower, changed clothes, and pulled my hair into a ponytail running back to school. I felt like I was going to die so I sat on the steps catching my breath. I was already late, I decided I would wait until my next class to make my appearance known, which wasn't far away. I headed inside and the hallways were crowded. I went to my locker and headed to my class. I got in there and sat in my normal seat. The first person to walk in the class was Ryan Ross.
"Amy!" he yelled causing everyone to look at us. He ran next to my seat and stared at me wide eyed.
"What?" I snapped. His jaw dropped and his eyes somehow got bigger.
"Ryan are you o- HOLY SHIT AMY!" Brendon yelled, lucky for him the teacher wasn't there.
"What?" I snapped again more annoyed this time. This got his expression to get more shocked also. Ryan pulled me out of my seat and out of the classroom into the library.
"Stop." I said pulling my arm. I got away, and right when I pulled backwards I smacked into another person, I turned to see Brendon. He grabbed back on to my arm and led me to the library. We got in there and I sat.
"I already missed my first class!" I complained.
"What the hell. I don't even know where to start!" Ryan said. I looked at him confused.
"Why?" Brendon asked as Ryan thought. I looked over at him.
"Why'd you do it? You broke Patrick's heart. Everyone thinks your missing again, and then you just show up in school. What the hell? You broke Patrick's freaking heart!" he said trying to keep his voice down.
"Patrick's fine." I said rolling my eyes.
"Why are you even talking again? What changed? What's going on?" Ryan asked.
"I gave up. I don't know." I shrugged putting my head in my hands, "I'm so tired." I groaned.
"Where the hell were you?" Ryan asked.
"Awake." I answered.
"Where?" Ryan asked again rolling his eyes.
"I don't know. Wandering around." Having sex, close enough.
"All night?"
"Yup."
"Why didn't we find you?"
"We?"
"Everyone was looking for you. Again!" Brendon said.
"I don't know, I guess you weren't looking hard enough." I shrugged. This just pissed them off.
"You are so ridiculous!" Brendon said, I shrugged. We were in there until lunch. I had made a decision during our little talk.
I ran to our usual table.
"Amy!" Everyone gasped.
"Yeah, it's me shut up." I said sitting down. This just made them in more shock.
"Yeah, I'm talking shut the fuck up." I repeated, though they weren't really talking.
"Seriously stop acting shocked or I will kill myself!" I groaned annoyed. They shook it off and I looked around. I didn't have a lunch. I shrugged.
"Sorry guys, I love you all." I said quickly. They looked at me confused. I shrugged, they'd understand eventually. I spent the rest of lunch trying to have a 'sentimental' conversation, that wasn't weird.
"I'm gonna go home, see you tomorrow." I said standing up from the lunch table and heading off.
"I love how she so casually walks out like she owns the place." I heard Joe mumble. I smiled to myself and walked out the doors heading home. I packed all of my stuff, which wasn't much, and went back to the alley. I was walking down the road past school when I heard a honk. I quickened the pace hoping it wouldn't be a teacher or something.
"Hey!" I heard a familiar voice call. I smiled and looked up at the car. Inside was Johnny. I got in.
"What happened to school?"
"I'm not going back." I said.
"Does anyone know?" he asked.
"Well, I kind of told my friends that I loved them and that I may do somethings that don't seem like it, but no matter what I will, and they may or may not have suspected it, I am going with may not." I said. He nodded.
"Where are you staying?" I sighed.
"I don't know."
He smirked, "You can stay with me."
I looked up hopefully, "In the alley?" I asked, personally, I'd rather stay in this car than the alley.
"No, haha, did you think I lived there? In my apartment." he said. I nodded happy. He drove down the street and I layed my head back closing my eyes.
"Tired?" he asked laughing a little.
"No shit." I said smirking at him. We got to his apartment in what felt like 5 minutes, although it was definetly longer cause I didn't recognize the area, and if you haven't noticed, our town is freaking small. I got out and he held one of my bags leading me inside. It was nice. It had 2 bedrooms, connected by a bathroom, a kitchen, and a room right when you walked in that had a tv and a couch with a coffee table.
I smiled.
"Want to sleep?" he asked. I looked at him and nodded.
"My room is this one." he said pulling me into one. It had a bed with white sheets and a cream comforter that was unmade. I smiled and jumped into it snuggling my face into a pillow. It felt amazing.
"I haven't had a bed bigger than a twin in atleast a month!" I moaned rolling over. He laughed and kicked his shoes off falling next to me. I snuggled into him and he wrapped his arms around me. I was asleep fast after that.
♠ ♠ ♠
What is she doing?! Oh well...bare with me guys :D