Creating Something out of Nothing

"Tammy," he sighed as he said my name, as if he hadn't said it in a long time.

All I could do was look at him as he stepped closer to me. I closed the egg carton and set it on the nearest surface that wasn't the floor. When I looked back up at him, he was staring down at me, his green eyes burning into me. I gulped as he raised a hand like he wanted to touch me, but he didn't.

"I can't believe you're here," he whispered.

I cleared my throat and replied, "Yep, I'm here."

"Why? I mean, the way you left, something must've happened."

I nodded and looked at the floor, my eyes glossing over even though I knew he would be fine, "My dad had a heart attack."

"Oh, shit," he whispered, running his left hand over my cheek, "I'm so sorry, Tams."

I subconsciously leaned into that caressing hand and sniffled, stepping closer to Zacky. But then I stopped, realizing that it was Zacky and that I didn't want to talk to him or see him. And I still hadn't figured out the whole Ryan thing yet.

So I shook my head and stepped backwards. I thought I heard him sigh, but I can't be sure. I looked at him and he seemed to want to say something, and I was pretty sure what.

"Um, Tammy? Did you, I mean, ugh. Did you... have the baby?" he asked tentatively.

I nodded slowly, looking back at the floor. "Yes," I whispered, "I had him."

He gasped, "You had a boy?"

"Yeah, I have a boy."

"Have?"

"I didn't give him up or anything. I guess I secretly didn't wanna let you go completely or something. I dunno." I wiped a tear that had slipped down my cheek.

"Oh, God. Does he know about me?"

I licked my suddenly dry lips and nodded a little. "Yeah, he knows about you. He's seen your picture, he knows you live here."

"Tammy... Are you gonna let me see him sometime?"

I inhaled deeply and let out the breath slowly and I tried to find the words, the right ones. "I hadn't thought that far ahead. I hadn't planned on bumping into you or seeing you until I wanted to. But since I have bumped into you, I guess it'll be...okay for you to see him."

"Oh, shit. I have a son, and I'm gonna meet him." He forgot himself and squeezed me. I left my hands hanging at my sides, I didn't want him to know that I loved him still. "Where do you live so I can fly out to-"

"That won't be necessary, Zacky. He's with me here."

"Where!?"

"My parents' house. I wasn't gonna leave him, no way."

"God, I'm sorry. So when can I see him? Like could I see him now?"

Fuck, I didn't think he'd ask that. But since he did and since there wasn't any good reason why it wasn't possible, I shrugged and said, "Yeah, I guess that could be okay. Just let me call Matt-"

"Wait, Matt knows?"

"Matt's the only one that does know. Well, actually, Mandy knows too, but that's all. And now Jimmy knows, 'cause Matt and Jimmy are over there. Actually, they're waiting for me to bring eggs and juice, so, if you wanna ride with me, I guess that'd be okay." Why did I tell him he could ride with me? Oh, God, I can't believe I'm saying all of this.

"Uh, yeah, sure. That'll be cool."

"Okay, let me pay for this stuff and we can go."

He took the juice and picked up the eggs and said, "No, I'll pay for it. Let's go."

*******************************************************************************

As I pulled into the driveway, my heart started beating faster; I thought the thing was gonna pop out of my chest. I shifted the gear to 'Park' and looked at Zacky. He looked really nervous.

He was gulping hard and fiddling with his fingers. I guess he felt me looking at him because he looked up at me. He raised his eyebrows with a question in his eyes.

"Do you think he'll like me?" he asked with a quiet voice.

"Zacky, we were in the hospital last night and Ryan-"

"His name's Ryan?"

I smiled. "Yeah."

He smiled back at me.

"Anyway," I continued, "he asked Matt if he would see you while we're here."

"He did?"

"Yeah. I don't keep him in the dark about you, Zacky. He deserves to know that he has a father."

"Does he know I love him?"

I sighed, recalling what I'd always told Ryan before he went to bed and asked me. "I've told him that I'm sure you do, but since I haven't talked to you since before he was born, I hadn't asked you."

He nodded, putting his hand on the door handle, signaling his slight impatience.

"You ready?" I asked.

"Yeah, let's go."

*******************************************************************************

Walking through the door I could feel Zacky's body shaking behind me, and he wasn't even that close.

"Relax, Zacky," I whispered back at him.

"Shut up! When you're meeting your three year old son for the first time, you can talk," he whispered back at me. I stopped walking and turned around to look at him.

"I had him, Zacky. Shut up."

He grinned goofily in response before his facial expression returned blank. I put my hands on his shoulders.

"You ready, now?"

"Yeah."

With that we walked in the kitchen where Matt, Jimmy, and Ryan still were, but now they were eating. Ryan's back was to us but when Matt's mouth dropped open with his fork mid-air, he turned around. When his eyes fell on Zacky, they bulged and he gasped.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, buddy. It's me."

Ryan looked at him for a little longer before getting out of his booster chair and walking to him. Zacky knelt down to Ryan's height and they stared at each other. Then suddenly, Ryan flung himself into Zacky's arms and squealed.

"Daddy! I finally meet you!"

"Yeah, buddy. Finally."

Ryan pulled back a little to look at Zacky's face and said, "I love you, Daddy."

Zacky pulled Ryan back into a bear hug as a few tears slipped and he said, "I love you too, Ryan. I love you too."