Broken Glass and Bleeding Hearts

It was around 5 that evening when I headed to Matt’s house. I’d spent the whole day trying to piece together the happenings of last night and had so far came up with nothing. This morning I’d had every intention of asking Matt but just as I was going to ask Jimmy knocked on the door, saying that Zacky had elected he and Matt to go get everyone breakfast. After that I decided that I would piece it together all on my own, which was indeed a horrible idea.

So here I stood, about 6 hours after waking up, still as clueless about whatI’d we’d done last night. If Matt didn’t know then I was screwed. My last option would be to ask the guys if they knew and that was not something I wanted to do. My mom was already inside the house, talking with Matt’s mom, most likely wondering where I was. “He isn’t here sweetie, but he’ll be back soon.” I looked up when I heard the voice of Matt’s mom.

“Oh okay. Did he go to Zacky’s?” I asked as I followed her inside. I could already see my mom sitting in the kitchen.

“Yes he did, he told me that he’d be back before 6 though. You can just go wait up in his room if you don’t wanna have to stay down here with us.” I met Mrs. Sanders’s smile with one of my own before disappearing upstairs.

The silence gave me more time to think, which may have been a bad thing. I had only been there for around 15 minutes when I heard someone coming up the stairs. The second the sound of a foot stepping onto that first step met my ears my heart rate doubled. After all, how was I supposed to ask him?

“Hey Elliebear! If I knew you were coming over I woulda stayed home.” When Matt walked into his bedroom I completely lost my breath. My mind was screaming that I needed to say something, I had to act normal. If I just sat there, with my mouth open and my eyes wide, then he would know something was up.

“Yeah, uh last might decision. Sorry I should have called first.” Looking him in the eyes was impossible for me.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” He sat down next to me and gently pushed my face up so that I was looking at him. Mixed in his hazel eyes I could see some unknown emotion. Hidden happiness? Fear? Excitement? Even regret? All attempts of figuring out what he was thinking were put to an end when he pressed his lips against mine.

It was in that instant that I knew there was no way that I could ask him yet.
***

“Okay I know that I had the second drink after I talked to mom,” I was pacing back and forth in my bed room trying to remember. “Then the third after Matt and I snuck away from the guys for a bit to talk. The third one took me a while to drink. Then Zacky made me go in the kitchen with him to find more snacks…”

“Well Matt I am just saying.” Jimmy said, putting up his hands in front of himself. Matt tightened his arm around my waist and I tried not to laugh. Brian was already coughing to hide his laughter and Zacky was leaning against the wall smirking.

“Not gonna happen Jimmy now let it go.” The finality in Matt’s voice was enough to make Jimmy surrender.

“Ellie come with me! We are getting more snacks.” Zacky came up behind me and jumped on my back, making Matt remove his arm and glare at Zack.

“You asshole get off my back!”

I didn’t realize that I was chewing on my nails until I tasted chipped nail polish. I walked into the bathroom and rinsed my mouth out and then look up in the mirror. I know that I hadn’t changed physically since yesterday but even I could see it in my face, worry. Who wouldn’t worry if they couldn’t remember what happened the previous night?

I’d pushed it out of my mind since this morning when I’d woken up. I’d forced it to stay out of my mind while talking to my mom, my friends, and Matt. But now, as I stood alone in my bathroom staring at myself, I couldn’t any longer. What if we’d went the whole way last night? Then another revelation dawned in my mind. Even if we had we would’ve been smart enough to use protection right?

It was around that moment when it all clicked in my head. My biggest worry was that I would never be able to remember what happened, what we done, and if we had went all the way that I’d never remember. It was in that split second when I realized that those things might actually be the least of my problems.

My eyes were wide in fear as I froze, my mouth slightly ajar. “N-no.” The whisper slipped from my mouth before I even knew that I was going to speak.

I was just about to ask Matt when there was a loud banging on the door of the bedroom. “Wake the hell up you lazy ass! Zacky has decided that you and I are going to pick up breakfast for everyone! Hurry up!” Jimmy’s voice sliced through the door as Matt sat up in bed.

“Alright Jimmy, I’ll be out in a few minutes.” I rolled over and looked up at Matt as he replied to Jimmy. I expected him to be shirtless since I had his shirt on but seeing him sitting there in bed next to me still gave me a different feeling. He stood up and I saw that he still had jeans on too, but that didn’t prove or disprove anything. “Hey uh Ellie, I think I’m gonna need my tee-shirt back.” The smile on his face clearly showed him dimples, but it didn’t reach his eyes. There was a presence of some unknown emotion hidden in his eyes.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry I forgot.” I grabbed my shirt off the floor and removed his, after all he had saw me in a swimsuit so I had no problem with him seeing me in a bra. I tossed his tee shirt at him and replaced my top.

“Thanks Elliebear.” He kissed my cheek and went into the bathroom, no doubt to brush his teeth. Everyone crashed over here so much that Zacky kept everyone a toothbrush under the sink.

As soon as he left the room I headed into the bathroom, finding the toothbrush case that had an “E” scratched on the front, and turned on the water. The door of the bathroom opened just as I was replacing the toothbrush in the case, revealing Zacky standing there with a hairbrush. “Jimmy was using it as a microphone last time he was out of his mind.”

“Its kinda sad that I have a hairbrush here. Thanks Zack.” I pulled my hair out of the now incredibly messy pony tail and began brushing, waiting for Zacky to say or ask something. He just stood there though, watching me closely.

“Are you alright?” I didn’t look at him when he finally spoke, instead I looked down and pulled my hair into a pony tail again, not feeling like dealing with it while we cleaned up and ate.

“Yeah I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” I hoped that he couldn’t hear the difference in my voice, but when I met his eyes I instantly knew that he was already aware that something was wrong. His eyes stared directly into mine as he spoke.

“When you are ready to talk about it just let me know.” Without another word he turned and walked out of the room. A part of me wanted to either deny it or ask him what he thought was I’d want to talk about and why, but instead I just let it go.

This couldn’t happen, this couldn’t be happening. No way could I take it, no way could Matt take it. In my head I concluded that it hadn’t even been 24 hours yet, it couldn’t be. Not yet, but the clock was ticking.

As I sat at my computer, waiting for it to be ready for use, I started biting my nails again. With another glance at the clock I watched as the home screen slowly loading, taking what felt like hours. I typed in what I needed to know in the search box and waited for the results, trying my best to keep calm.

As soon as I found what I needed I turned my computer off and started pacing again. I was now on a timeline to figure out what in the hell happened. “Ellie!” My mom’s voice broke through my concentration and I realized that I had completely forgotten about the dinner I was supposed to eat with my mom, aunt, and future uncle. Groaning, I looked at the clock again, 7:15.

“Hey Aunt Angie, Hi Dave.” I walked into the dinning room and sat down, greeting my aunt and Dave as I did so. Any other night, when I wasn’t trying to piece together what exactly I’d done the previous night, I would have gladly taken the time to have a nice family dinner. However, tonight was different.

“Hello Ellie.” Dave smiled as he told me hello.

“Hey sweetie. How was the party last night?” My Aunt’s question caught me off guard. How exactly was I supposed to answer that. “Oh it was great! Of course I can’t remember the end of it and I woke up in bed with my boyfriend with no memory what-so-freaking-ever of what we did, but that just makes it that much better.

“Its was a lot of fun.” And it was, well what I could remember anyways. I could see the questioning look from my mom and aunt and I knew that the second dinner was over I had to make a run for it.

“Anything interesting happen? Anything out of the ordinary or something that was special because it was New Years?” I actually couldn’t believe it, my mom was probing for information. How the hell did she know that I was keeping something from her?

“Well Jimmy yelled the words to Green Day’s Basket Case but that’s about it.” Since I was telling them something that really did happen I hoped that it would give my voice some more confidence. Judging by the looks they kept giving me I highly doubted that anything would make them stop.

All through dinner I kept to myself, pretending to be absorbed in the food, as I planned my escape. They were discussing something about the wedding as far as I could tell. I was trying to pay attention for future reference but there were things that were far more important at the moment.

“Hey uh mom I’ve gotta run back to Zacky’s. I forgot something over there last night and I’m probably gonna hang out for a bit. That is if it is okay with you?” I made my voice as convincing as I could.

“Yeah that’s fine, just don’t be too late sweetie.” I hugged her before grabbing my dishes to take the to the kitchen.

“I’ll do the dishes when I get back!” I called before running up to my room. I grabbed my keys and the piece of paper that I prayed I wouldn’t need, pulling a hoodie out of my closet as I exited the room.
Thankfully everyone was still in the dinning room when I left the house, having no plans of actually going to Zacky’s until the last minute. I needed time to think, alone, so I was going to my usual thinking spot. I pulled onto PCH and turned the stereo up a bit as I headed there, a million thoughts running through my mind.

The park was fairly empty, it was after all already dark, except for a few people walking their dogs. As I passed the playground I couldn’t help but stop. A place where I’d spent so much time with my friends as a child. A place where we’d spent so much time playing innocently and clueless to our future. With a sigh I continued on my path, finally finding the spot where I would slip away into the bushes and out of sight.

As I had expected the spot was empty. Well I should say one of the spots was empty. I took my usual spot on a tree stump, the silence allowing the dam inside my mind to break and too many thoughts to take over. After several minutes I cleared them all away so I could pick up where I’d left off.

An hour later and I still couldn’t figure it out so I got up and ran from the park, back to my car. There was only one place left that I could go without having to worry about facing my mom or Matt’s parents. When I reached my destination I was glad to see the living room light was on.

Zacky answered after I knocked twice, a small smirk playing on his lips. “Alright you were right this morning that something was wrong and now I’m here to talk about it. Only I don’t really care to talk about it, I need your help.”

“How do you want my help then?” He asked as I walked in and looked at him.

“How much did I drink last night?” His eyebrows furrowed as I asked my question, confusing in his eyes.

“Four. You don’t remember?”

“I can’t remember crap after that fourth one Zacky.”

“You wouldn’t black out for the rest of the night with four. Crap! She got in here or had someone get in here! Whoever it was got to your drink without any of us noticing! Damn it!” I watched as Zacky suddenly got angry.

“What are you talking about Zacky?” He sat down and put his head in his hands.

“Angelica, she or one of her friends had to have drugged you with some vampire sedative so you couldn’t remember,” He paused and measured my reaction before he grew confused. “Why aren’t you pissed off at her or even me for not finding it out before it happened? Are you alright?”

“No Zacky I’m not alright! Shockingly right now I have bigger problems that being pissed at her or her sidekick or even you for not figuring it out! I have a problem that far bigger and far more important than worrying about some stupid bitch who wants my boyfriend and has some evil master plan to take over the entire coven of vampires so that she can have so much power. As hard as it is to believe at the moment my problem is bigger than that.”

“Ellie what could be bigger than this whole Angelica problem?”

“I can’t remember what in the hell we did Zack! I could have went the whole damn way with him last night and I can’t remember shit!”

“And that is bigger than the Angelica thing Ellie?”

“It didn’t hit me at first but the problem is what if we did, well that, and weren’t smart about it. I’m not ready to be-”

“Shit! I’m calling Matt!” Zacky didn’t give me the chance to protest, instead he just ran upstairs. At this point I decided that it wasn’t worth it to argue with him. Besides it would probably be best to talk to Matt.

After making the call to Matt and returning to the living room, Zacky just sat in the living room with me, neither of us saying a word. It never took Matt long to get to Zacky’s house and I didn’t expect it to take any longer tonight. Before I was actually ready to face him there was a knock at the door.

“Ellie what is wrong?” His arms were around me within two minutes after the door opened. Judging by the sound of his voice Zacky hadn’t told him anything about what he knew, I could hear the worry that laced Matt’s every word.

I watched as Zacky went upstairs, no doubt giving us some privacy. “Matt I can’t remember last night. I can’t remember what we did or how far we went. Let alone if we were smart if we did anything. I’m scared that I could get, well you know.” As I explained it to him I watched his expression lighten.

“Elliebear why didn’t you just ask me? We didn’t do anything. Someone put something in your drink at some point. We went up to bed and I gave you my tee-shirt because your top would have been uncomfortable for you to sleep in. I know you aren’t ready for anything like that, I just thought that if you didn’t remember then you would have asked me instead of worrying yourself sick.”

I felt all the pressure and worry that had built up all day release. The sigh of relief was slightly shaky but it eased the worry in Matt’s face. So he’d known about whatever had been put in my drink when the others didn’t, the explained the look in his eyes all day. Now I could go home and face my mom and possibly aunt without having to lie.