The Stars Are Fading Away

I don't want to feel this small
You know I just can't handle this
Handle this at all

Amber's POV

I went back to the dorm and quickly took a shower. I checked my cell phone and it was 1:00. Wren should be here soon. I walked down the stairs and looked for his car. I saw it pull up, and I ran out of the building towards it. The October air was starting to get cold.

Wren smiled when I got in the car. "Hey."

"Hi," I said, shutting my door.

The car ride was silent, as usual. I was beginning to loathe this silence. Was it so hard to make conversation?

We pulled up to Wren's apartment building. He lived alone, in a tiny three room flat. He had dropped out of college in his junior year, he would have been a senior this year.

Wren went over to sit on the couch. "Do you want to watch a movie or something?"

"Sure." I sat next to him. He got up and searched for a movie. He held up Superbad. I laughed. "That is such a good movie."

He slipped it into the DVD player and went to sit next to me. As the movie started, I began dozing off. I fell asleep leaning against Wren's shoulder.

When I woke up, the sun was setting out the window. I blinked and looked at the clock on the wall. It was almost 5. I had slept for about four hours.

Wren came out from the bathroom.

"Hey, your awake. I ordered Chinese food."

"Okay." I yawned and nodded.

"You seem to be tired lately."

"Huh?"

"Well, you woke up at 12:30 and now you fell asleep again."

"Oh… yeah, I was up late studying and stuff."

Wren nodded and opened a Chinese food container. He sat on a stool pushed up to the island to eat.

I sat on the other stool and watched him eat. I wasn't hungry.

When he was finished, he stretched and put his arm around the back of my chair. "What do you want to do now?"

"I don't know. We could watch another movie since I slept through most of the first one." I shrugged.

He walked over to the shelf that held all the DVDs. He started looking through them. I went over to stand by him. He straightened up, and I put my arms around his waist. I leaned my head into his chest.

"There's nothing good to watch."

"That's okay."

His hand rubbed up and down my back. Suddenly, he tilted my chin up and kissed me.

Wren kept kissing me, and he deepened the kiss with his tongue. I put my arms around his necl and pulled myself closer to him. His arms went around my waist.

Wren started leading me towards his room. I started getting a little nervous. Wren and I had been together for about five months, but I hadn't had sex with him. I was still a virgin. And I wasn't sure if I was ready yet.

He opened the door to his room and pushed me down on the bed. He lifted his shirt over his head. His hands fingered my bra strap. He got it open and pulled my shirt off.

"Wait, Wren." I tried to talk around his lips.

"Come on, Amber. I love you." He kept going, unzipping my pants.

"Wren!"

"Relax," he said, as he pushed himself into me.



When I woke up the next morning, Wren was gone. I felt strange. I quickly got up and put on the clothes I wore yesterday. I debated calling Mason, but I wasn't sure. Did Wren rape me? I didn't know. I loved him, but he had pressured me.

I walked out of Wren's room to see he was sitting on the couch. He looked up when I came in.

"Hey. Do you want me to drive you back home?"

"Um… Okay."

He got up and grabbed his car keys from the island. I went over by the door and put on my shoes. I followed him out to the parking lot and got in his car. I felt shaky, like I was going to burst into tears any minute.

The car ride was silent, again.

He dropped me off in front of the building. I got out quickly and speed-walked to the door. I ran up the stairs to my room and barely made it in before I broke down crying.

I curled up into a ball on my bed and sobbed. I don't know how long I cried for. After while, I fell asleep.