The Stars Are Fading Away

Remembering Sunday, he falls to his knees

I woke up naked. I'd done that before, but never with someone beside me.

Mason was awake. He wasn't facing me, instead me was laying on his back look straight up at the ceiling, a strange expression on his face. I shifted, rolling over so I facing him. I saw his eyes flash to my face. There was an almost sad expression on them. I couldn't read it. It was making me nervous.

Moments passed in silence, and the tension cut deep into my composure. I had to break the silence.

"M–Mason?" I had grown worried in only a few seconds.

He heaved a sigh before turning to me.

"I am so sorry, Amber."

"What?"

He gave me an incredulous look. "I took advantage of you. I'm doing the exact same thing to you as h—"

"Never say that," I cut him off. "You are not like him. What gives you the idea you took advantage of me?"

Anger directed inwardly washed over his face, mixed with self-disgust. "Under any other circumstances, would you have done this?"

I opened my mouth, but closed it when I realized he was right.

"See? You were vulnerable. I took advantage of that."

"No, you didn't, Mason. I know how to say no. It's not like you forced me to do anything."

His jaw gritted. "You don't understand. I knew where this was leading. I knew what was going to happen five minutes before I even made the first move. I initiated it. You wanted to cheat him, and that was the only thing you wanted. I knew that, but I should have let the mood pass. Instead, I took what I wanted. I used you. Don't tell me you don't regret this, because I know you do."

I was shocked. Mason had known exactly what I wanted. I read me so well, it was uncanny. Everything he said was true, in a way, but I couldn't let him feel this way about himself. I kept arguing with him.

"I knew where it was leading, too. I'm not stupid. Who cares if I wanted it for different reasons? I still wanted it. You initiated it, but I let go on."

"Liar. You hesitated. You know what I said was true. You regretted it." His face and voice was clouded over with the anger and self-disgust again.

"I didn't regret what we did, Mason. We. The only thing I regret is stooping to his level."

He remained quiet, his eyes closed. After a few moments, I got up.

"I'm going to take a shower," I said, grabbing his shirt from the floor and putting it on, grabbing clothes and going into the bathroom. I felt his eyes on me as I walked out of the room.

I turned on the water, waiting the few seconds it took to heat up. I pulled off Mason's shirt and stepped in, letting the how water run down body. It helped to clear my mind. I thought about Mason. I decided that it would be best to let this stupid mood of his blow over. If I stayed away for awhile, maybe he would see things my way.

I turned off the water and dressed quickly. I avoided Mason's room, walking into Derrick's.

Derrick was still sleeping, sprawled across the whole bed. I didn't want to wake him, so I went to sit on top of the covers. I crossed my legs and watched him sleep. I felt like a stalker.

I heard a noise outside the door. It sounded like someone getting coffee or breakfast, and I thought it was Mason. Somehow the thought of him just doing something normal and ignoring everything he just said made tears come to my eyes.

Mason was right. I was vulnerable, but he hadn't taken advantage of me. He was just making everything worse by saying that he had.

More tears poured down my cheeks and I curled into a ball, trying not to make noise so I wouldn't wake Derrick and so Mason wouldn't hear me. I suddenly felt very alone. I laid down next to Derrick and curled up against is side. His arm moved slightly in his sleep, curling around my back a little. I didn't care about waking him up anymore.

Derrick shifted a little more in his sleep. I leaned my head on his shoulder and I could see his eyes flutter open. He looked confused as he glanced over at me. Confusion gave way to surprise.

"Amber!"

The movement, which I had assumed was Mason, stopped. I started crying harder.

"Amber, honey, what's wrong?" Derrick wrapped his arms around me and pulled me up into a sitting position. I leaned my head against his chest and held on to him.

"Amber, please tell me what's wrong!" I looked up at his face and it was worried and confused.

"Mason," I managed to stutter out. I knew that that didn't really clear things up for Derrick, but I didn't care again. I heard footsteps at the doorway and the door creaked open slightly. I looked at the doorway and Mason was standing there, with the most pained expression I have ever seen on his face.