I Find Myself in You

“Because you live and breathe, because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help, because you live, girl, my world has everything I need to survive, because you live, I live, I live,” Jesse’s voice finished over the radio.

My friend Chelsea Staub grimaced at me as she drove towards the bowling alley where we were meeting some friends. “Can we change this?” she asked. “I do not want to listen to his cheating ass voice anymore.”

I laughed. “Hold on,” I said. “In a bit.” Truth was, I didn’t want to hear his voice either. But it seemed like Jesse came up with something new for this charade every day at every interview. I had to keep in tune or I’d mess it up.

“Wow,” Ryan’s voice came through. “Such an amazing song. And I’m sure it’s for someone special.”

Jesse laughed. “I actually wrote it for my girlfriend and the love of my life, Lainey Peters.”

I groaned and changed it. I couldn’t take it anymore. The love of his life? This wasn’t love. This was deception. This was a lie. “He makes me want to kill myself,” I groaned.

Chelsea laughed. “At least it’s an emotion,” she said. “You should turn it into a song.”

“Lying, cheating scum,” I sang. “Why did you ever come? Yeah Chels,” I rolled my eyes. “A real chart topper.”

“Oh very sexy Lain,” she smirked. I laughed. “Seriously though, why do you even put up with it? I mean, who cares if he tells everyone you and Joe had a little sexy time in New Jersey.”

I grimaced. “First of all, it was not ‘sexy time’, secondly, because it would so ruin our reputations, and thirdly it would be just bad.”

“How so?” she questioned. “I mean, I hang out with Joe all the time on the set of J.O.N.A.S., and like everywhere else, and I’d totally be okay with having everyone know I was with him. I mean he’s hot, sweet, and he’s a Jonas.”

“Wow,” I laughed. “Glad to see name status has nothing to do with your love preferences.”

She rolled her eyes as she pulled into the parking lot. “I do not like him,” she said, pulling into a parking space. “You do though.”

I flushed slightly. “Do not,” I said.

“Do too.”

“Na ah.”

“Um yeah you do Lainey, just admit it,” she said.

“No, you admit it,” I countered.

She rolled her eyes as we got out of the car. “I’m just saying. He’s perfect for you. And the latest songs you’ve been writing, they’re some of your best stuff. Jersey had to have done something for you, though I think it was more of a certain boy in Jersey.”

“Yeah Nick helped a lot with my songs,” I agreed.

She rolled her eyes. “I meant Joe.”

“And I meant that you’re wrong,” I said, linking my arm with hers. “Now let’s bowl!”

She laughed. “This will be fun.”

“Who’s coming again?” I questioned.

“Oh you know,” she said, avoiding my gaze. “People.”

“Like?” I asked slowly, glaring at her. This did not sound good.

“The usual,” she assured me. “Demi, Selena, Nicole, Vanessa, Zac, Ashley, the guy she’s seeing, the Jonas Brothers, and erm Miley,” she said, looking at the ground.

I stopped in my tracks. “I’m going home,” I said. Joe and Miley were going to be here? No way in hell was I going to be.

She sighed, pulling my towards the door. “Come on Lainey, it’ll be fun,” she promised. “You won’t have to talk to her. Everyone wants to see you though. They’ve missed you.”

I grimaced. I’d missed everyone too. When had been the last time we’d hung out?

“And Joe is here,” she sang. “You’ll be able to talk to him at least. He won’t be able to ignore you. If anything, we’ll lock you guys in the bathroom or something.”

I rolled my eyes, laughing. The same thought has occurred to me, not the bathroom door locking, but being able to talk to him. “No thanks,” I said.

“Please Lainey,” she begged.

I sighed, looking at the bowling alley door. “Fine, but you owe me.”

“A zillion times over,” she promised as she pulled me into the place.

Immediately, we were surrounded by our friends. It felt really good to see them again. I hadn’t seen most of them since before I left for New Jersey. Even Miley, seeing her there, I didn’t feel as much hatred. Mostly, because I knew it was because of her that I had seen Jesse’s true colors. That didn’t mean I forgave her, but I didn’t hate her anymore. I gave her a timid smile, which she returned. Nick wrapped his arms around me tightly. “Lainey,” he grinned, stepping back to let Kevin hug me. I noticed that only Joe stood back, his gaze on the floor. That saddened me. “Jersey became boring without you there.”

I laughed. “I’m sure,” I said. “I bet you had the girls following you like crazy.”

He smirked. “Had to beat them back with a stick.”

Everyone laughed and we went over to our lanes. “So Lainey,” Vanessa sat down next to me, handing me a pair of shoes. “How’s it been?”

I laughed. Of course she’d ask. “Pretty good,” I said. “And yourself?”

“Well we’ve been plotting how to kill you actually,” she smirked.

“Oh wow thanks,” I said, rolling my eyes and laughing.

“Well if you’d return any of our calls,” Ashley shrugged. “It wouldn’t have mattered.”

“You just disappeared on us,” Vanessa said.

“They actually were going to kill you,” Zac chuckled.

I laughed. “Sorry guys.”

The shrugged and we all started breaking up into lanes to bowl. Over the speakers came my favorite song of the moment, Where Are You Now by Honor Society. “I love this song,” I grinned, standing up, and pulling them up with me and started dancing. “Where are you now,” I sang. “Cause I’m thinking of you. You showed me how, how to live like I do. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be who I am.” I stopped, my eyes on Joe. The words described my feelings towards him perfectly. He did show me how to live again. He showed me who I was again. I had been so lost, and he had found me. So why was I so worried what Jesse and the press did? Who cared if they thought we were more than friends? Why had I cared? I didn’t even know anymore.

I sat down and took out my phone and sent him a text. I’m sorry, best friends for life? I watched him get it and look up at me, smiling slightly. He nodded once. I grinned. I had my best friend back.

“I don’t want to be on Lainey’s team,” Chelsea said, breaking me from my thoughts. “She cheats.”

I gasped, pretending to be hurt. “I do not. Do I Nick?”

“Actually you do,” he said, smirking.

“What? Na ah!”

“You stole 500s from Monopoly every time you were banker,” Kevin reminded me.

“Everyone’s done that,” I rolled my eyes.

They all laughed. “I’ll be on her team,” Joe said suddenly.

Everyone was quiet all of a sudden, looking from Joe to me. I rolled my eyes. Way to make it awkward. “Me and Joe are going to kick all your butts,” I joked.

They all laughed and there was an outburst of denials and challenges. I just looked at Joe who was smirking at me. I sighed. I wasn’t going to admit I loved him or anything. But I was tired of being pushed around by Jesse. I was tired of not being able to talk to Joe. I had missed him, and finally we could be friends again. The thought made me smile.