I Find Myself in You

I didn’t know what time I woke up, but Joe was already gone. I rubbed my eyes and notice I was wearing his shirt. Had I changed? I didn’t remember. I got out of bed, and went to grab my phone, knowing Flannery had probably called me a zillion times already. But surprisingly, there were none. Maybe she wasn’t up yet. I decided to go downstairs, deciding they were all probably crazy early risers.

I passed a room with the door open. Peeking inside, I saw a piano. Smiling, I walked over to it, and sat down, my fingers slowly fingering the keys. The piano. It was the first instrument I had ever learned to play. When was the last time I had used it? I hit a key, and then another, and then another, a natural, instinctive feeling flowing through me as I started playing. “Finally,” I started singing. “I’ve been waiting for this moment. For you to see the real me. It’s been an illusion. But I never meant to fool you. I got caught up in a fantasy.”

I stopped, sighing. “Wow,” I heard Nick say behind me. I smiled nervously, getting up. “Sorry, the door was open, and I—“

“Hey, it’s alright,” he said, putting his hands up. He came over and sat down on the bench, indicating for me to sit too. “That was really good.”

I grimaced. It was really good, it was really me. Not that it mattered. “Thanks,” I mumbled.

“It sounds really different than your other stuff,” he said.

I sighed. “Yeah, I know,” I said.

“Don’t get me wrong,” he said. “I love your sound. It’s really great. You have an amazing voice.”

“But,” I smiled.

“But,” he smiled too. “It’s so generic. It’s like someone else is singing it. Anyone else, really, and it’s still the same. It doesn’t sound like you.”

I smiled weakly. “And you know me?”

He laughed. “Fair enough. But look.” He grabbed his guitar, and starting playing a song. Right away, I knew what it was and started dancing in my seat to the tune. It was just a habit of dancing around every time I performed it. He smiled and started singing. “I’m unusual, not so typical, way too smart to be waiting around, tai chi practicing, snowboard champion, I could fix the flat on your car. I might even be a rockstar.”

I laughed when he finished. I could see his point – slightly. “I wrote that song, you know,” I told him.

“But they told you what to write,” he added. It wasn’t a question. I looked at him, wondering how he had known. He laughed. “They tried to do the same to us.”

“So how’d you resist?”

“Having my dad be our manager really helped,” he said.

I winced. “My mom is my manager,” I said. Not much of a manager obviously. She didn’t care what I was doing as long as I got my name out there.

“Sorry,” he mumbled quickly.

I smiled. “No problem.”

“But that song you were singing when I came in,” he said. “It was really good. I really liked it. It sounded like – you. It actually sounded like the you we started listening to years ago.”

I winced. The me years ago, the me that had changed, the me that had let myself be used, and changed, and erased. It was funny how this house, this town, these boys were bringing that person out again. I didn’t know what it was, but if it was because of them I would stay with them forever. I did not want these feeling to go away. I sighed, wanting to change the subject quickly. “So that Demi girl is coming today?”

Nick smiled understandingly. He seemed like he was able to read people easily. He seemed extremely understanding and easy to talk to. I would keep that in mind. “Yeah,” he said. “She’s actually downstairs already.”

“Already,” I asked, taken back. “Jeez, it’s like 10.What time do you guys wake up?”

He laughed. “We don’t always wake up this early. But she has an interview later, so she had to come early, so we all woke up early. It was er – hardest on Joe. I’m surprised you didn’t wake up actually, when we came to wake him up.”

I giggled. “I’m a really heavy sleeper.”

“I’ll say,” he said, standing. “So want to go down?”

I nodded, getting up and following him downstairs.

He stopped me at the bottom of the stairs. “You should know, Demi is very – eccentric. She’s a huge fan of yours.”

I made an anxious face. “Oh no, should I go run for cover now or wait a bit?”

He laughed. But before he could respond, we heard someone scream, “Oh my gosh, Joe, you weren’t lying, she is here.”

“Too late,” Nick smirked as a brown haired girl ran at me.

“Hi, oh my gosh, I love you,” Demi chattered away excitedly. “Huge fan. I mean seriously. You’re epic. Like an epic win. No lie. I love you. Can I hug you?”

I laughed nervously, looking to Nick for help. He smirked. “Okay Demi, let’s not harass the new girl.”

“New girl,” I scoffed. I smiled at Demi. “I am a huge fan of yours too actually. You’re really talented. I love your voice.”

She grinned, turning to Joe and squeaking. “Lainey freaking Peters likes me my voice.”

All three boys laughed. “Okay, enough scaring the superstar. I’m starving, and Lainey’s up, so we can eat now. Breakfast anyone,” Joe said, dragging Demi into the dining room. We all followed. I smirked, watching him drag her. Hmm, something suspicious was rising there. And if there wasn’t, there could be. They didn’t look bad together. I made a mental note to ask him about it later.

I grabbed a muffin Nick offered me. I was surprised they had actually waited for me to eat. That was really sweet of them, and slightly unusual. “So um, Flannery didn’t call me at all this morning, believe it or not,” I said.

Kevin smiled. “Joe called her early this morning.”

I choked on my muffin. “You what?” I turned to him. He was the only one who knew what had happened with Jesse. How much had he told her? “What did you tell her?”

“Relax Lainey,” he reassured me, smiling. “I just told her you and Jesse got into a fight, and you needed somewhere to rest, and you were okay, and all that. She wasn’t too upset. But she did tell me to tell you that you should call Jesse. He seemed really down when he left, which he did by the way, left I mean. I personally think you should all him, and give him another chance.”

“Are you a volunteer or are you getting paid for al this PR,” I mumbled.

Joe laughed. “Just saying.”

“Wait,” Demi said. “Are you still with Jesse McCartney then?”

“Um,” I said awkwardly. “Conditionally.”

“Oh because that’s so not what the tab—“

Joe cut her off by sticking a muffin into her mouth. “Her Demi, try the chocolate one.”

“The what,” I asked as she spat it out and glared at Joe.

“The tabloid,” she finished as Joe sighed.

“What tabloid,” I asked quickly.

Kevin sighed, and handed me the latest one.

I gasped, seeing the front cover. As if on cue, my phone rang. It was Flannery.

“Hey Flan,” I said quietly.

“Lainey, would you like to tell me what the hell you were going climbing into Joe’s bedroom last night?”