I Find Myself in You

“I honestly do not understand you Lainey,” Flannery sighed as she passed around plate of potatoes to Jesse. “Are you trying to get killed? Here Jesse, have some more potatoes.”

“I’m fine Flan,” I said curtly. “Nothing happened. Nothing was going to happen.”

Flannery chuckled once. “You’re an international pop star Lainey. You have millions of fans, some of whom, are absolutely insane. I wouldn’t put it past some of them to try to get you.”

“I’m fine,” I exclaimed. “No harm done.”

“And even if nothing happened,” Flannery continued as if Lainey didn’t say anything. “It’s late. And you snuck out. Honestly Lainey, we don’t have rules here, because I thought I could trust you.”

“Really,” I said coldly. “I thought it was because you’re not mom.”

Hurt flashed across Flannery’s face for a split second before she shook her head. “All things aside, mom left me in charge of you, which means you have to listen, which means no more sneaking out late, got it?”

I sighed, rolling my eyes. “Whatever.”

“Where did you go anyway,” Jesse asked suddenly.

“None of your business,” I mumbled under my breath.

Unfortunately, Flannery heard that. “I think it is,” she said pointedly. I sighed, knowing she wanted me to get back with him. “Where did you do Lainey?”

“I went—“ I stopped. I didn’t want to tell them. I knew what Flannery would say. She would go on and on about how I liked those boys, and was spending too much time with them and blah, blah. “I went for a walk. I needed to think.”

She sighed. She seemed to believe me though. “Honestly, it’s like we’re right back to where we started.”

Jesse caught my eye and smiled at me. I smiled back slightly before turning back to my food. Flannery continued to yell at me, but I wasn’t really listening. I wanted to smile, but I didn’t. Back to where we started, where I started. Wasn’t that exactly where I was trying to go?

---

“So are these enough,” I asked, putting a blanket and pillow on the guest bed for Jesse.

He stood by me, watching me. He nodded. “Thanks,” he said. “That should be fine.”

“Okay, well if you get cold or whatever, because Flannery always blasts the air conditioning, there’s extra blankets in the closet across the hall,” I told him, and turned to go.

“Lainey, wait,” he said, grabbing my hand.

“Yeah,” I asked him.

“Does it really – upset you that I came here,” he asked quietly.

I sighed. I didn’t know. “It doesn’t really upset me,” I said truthfully. “I just – can’t think about anything with you here, you know? Because seeing you makes me remember – it.”

He sighed. “Lainey, I’m so s—“

“Don’t,” I smiled at him. “You told me already, remember? I just –“

“Need time,” he asked, laughing weakly.

I nodded.

“And I agreed to give you that time,” he said. “I owe you that much. I still love you though Lainey. Don’t forget that.” And then his lips were on mine.

His arms wound around my waist and pulled me close to him. I didn’t object. I had missed him. I had wanted him. My arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer if that were possible. He moved down to my neck, gently pushing me onto the bed. His hands went to the bottom of my shirt. I grabbed his hand, pulling back to reality. “Jesse, don’t,” I said.

“Shh, it’s okay baby,” he whispered against my skin. He went to my shirt again.

“Jesse, stop,” I said again.

“Lainey, baby, I love you, it’s okay,” he cooed me. He rested his hands between my legs.

“No,” I mustered as much strength as I could and pushed him off.

“Lainey, baby, I am so sorry,” Jesse said remorsefully.

“No Jesse,” I said, getting up. “You know what? You’re just like the rest of them. You’re what I am trying to get away from. Just get out. Go home.”

I turned and walked out, crying as I ran to my room and shut the door behind me. I sniffled, and knew what I wanted to do. I locked the door, and climbed out of my window.

---

“Lainey,” Joe asked as I rapped on his window. He looked like he had been sleeping, and I had woken him up. But I had to talk to him. I had to. He let me in.

I was still crying, more freely now. “I—I—“

He wrapped his arms around me quietly. “What happened?”

“He’s just like them,” I sobbed into his chest. “He’s just like them.”

“Whose like who,” he asked, so clearly confused.

“Jesse,” I cried. “He’s just like all of them. He doesn’t care about me. He just – he wants me to sleep with him. It’s so obvious now. It was Miley, probably.” I sobbed. “He isn’t here because he’s sorry. He’s just trying to rub it in my face. He’s just trying to make me look pathetic.”

“Shh Lainey,” he rubbed my back comfortingly. “What do you mean them?”

“Them,” I cried even louder. “All the fake people in Hollywood. He’s just a sleaze ball trying to get ahead. He’s just using me.”

“It’s okay Lainey,” Joe stroked my hair as I continued to soak his shirt. “He told you all of that?”

“No, he tried to make me sleep with him,” I said disgustingly. “That’s why he came back.”

“Oh Lainey,” he sighed. “I’m sure you got it wrong. Jesse doesn’t seem like that kind of guy. I’m sure you were just too upset and making assumptions.”

“Fine, take his side,” I scoffed, pushing him away.

He grabbed my arm. “You guys are on the same side,” Joe said quietly. “He loves you.”

“How do you know,” I cried.

“He’s here,” he said. “And Miley’s in L.A.”

“I don’t care where that slut is,” I spat.

Joe laughed. “All I’m saying is if he really didn’t love you, he’d be there with her because of the whole easiness factor. But he’s not. He’s here, trying to make you hold on to everything you guys have, or had, or whatever. And that’s how I know.”

I tried to find a loophole in his theory. But I couldn’t. “You suck,” I glared at him.

He laughed. “Thanks. So do you want to sleep here,” he asked. “Cause I’m tired.”

I winced. “I’m sorry, I woke you up.”

He smiled at me. “Don’t worry about it. Being woken up by hot girls in the middle of the might because they’re knocking on your window is every guy’s dream.”

I laughed. “Thanks.”

“What’s going on,” Nick said from the doorway. He still looked half asleep.

“Lainey’s sleeping over,” Joe grinned.