Secret
Chapter 18
-Chapter 18-
I’ve never been one to show my emotions too much. Not even for family and close friends. I guess I believe that emotions show weakness and I don’t like to feel weak. But lately Ryan was working a lot and I hardly ever got to see him and to be honest I kinda… sorta… missed him… I guess… I scarcely saw him in the passing weeks. His dad was getting counseling and Ryan was working double shift to help pay the bills. What was running through his mind was a mystery to me.
“Hey,” Ryan called as he walked though the door. He had gotten a key since he was living with us.
“Hey,” I said casually, not showing my sheer enthusiasm. “How was your day?” I asked as he came over and kissed me ardently, a thing he hadn’t done in awhile considering my mom was always lurking around the corner, but she wasn’t here and wouldn’t be for awhile and John and Jae were both at friend’s houses. Score… My lips lingered on his.
“It’s been awhile, eh?”
“Too bad you’re not British.”
“Too bad I will be when I grow up.”
“Sure.” We kissed again. His hands roamed up the back of my shirt and he stroked my lower back softly launching chills throughout my backbone. His fingers interlaced with mine and we kissed with fierce fervor and eager desire. For the first time in a long time I sincerely believed that he was content.
He pulled away and dug into his hoodie pocket. “I almost forgot.” He handed me a CD. “I told you I’d make you one.”
“And I told you not to.”
He laughed. “Too bad. You know I don’t listen.” I looked on the cover and it looked blank. “There’s only one song on it ‘cause I couldn’t think of any other songs that really tell how I feel.”
“That’s fine.” I went into my room to put in the stereo and Ryan plopped on the bed. I cuddled next to him. “Can you grab the remote?” He handed it to me and I pressed play. A familiar guitar melody began to play. I smiled and kissed his cheek. The lyrics began after a few seconds.
“Hand in mine
Into your icy blues
And then I’d say to you
We can take to the highway
With this trunk of ammunition too
I’d end my days with you
In a hail of bullets
I’m trying
I’m trying
To let you know just how much you mean to me
And after
All the things we put each other through
And I would drive on to the end with you
A liquor store
Or two
Keep the gas tank full
And I feel like there’s nothing left to do
But prove myself to you
And we’ll keep it running
But this time
I mean it
I’ll let you know just how much you mean to me
As snow falls
On desert sky
Until the end of everything
I'm trying
I'm trying to let you know how much you mean
As days fade
And nights grow
And we grow cold
Until the end
Until this pool of blood
Until this
I mean this
I mean this
Until the end of…
I'm trying
I'm trying to let you know how much you mean.
As days fade
And nights grow
And we go cold
But this time
We'll show them
We'll show them all how much we mean
As snow falls
On desert sky
Until the end of every…
All we are...
All we are is bullets
I mean this
All we are...
All we are is bullets
I mean this
All we are...
All we are is bullets
I mean this.
All we are...
All we are is bullets
I mean this
As lead rains
Pass on through
Our phantoms
Forever forever
Like scarecrows
That fuel this flame
We're burning
Forever and ever
Know how much I want to show you you're the only one
Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons
In
This
Gun
And as we're falling down
And in this pool of blood
And as we're touching hands…
And as we're falling down
And in this pool of blood...
And as we're falling down
I'll see your eyes
And in this pool of blood
I'll meet your eyes
I mean this
Forever”
By the end of the song I was about to detonate from ecstasy. I held Ryan close and didn’t muster a word. I didn’t have to. He knew that I felt the same.
I’ve never been one to show my emotions too much. Not even for family and close friends. I guess I believe that emotions show weakness and I don’t like to feel weak. But lately Ryan was working a lot and I hardly ever got to see him and to be honest I kinda… sorta… missed him… I guess… I scarcely saw him in the passing weeks. His dad was getting counseling and Ryan was working double shift to help pay the bills. What was running through his mind was a mystery to me.
“Hey,” Ryan called as he walked though the door. He had gotten a key since he was living with us.
“Hey,” I said casually, not showing my sheer enthusiasm. “How was your day?” I asked as he came over and kissed me ardently, a thing he hadn’t done in awhile considering my mom was always lurking around the corner, but she wasn’t here and wouldn’t be for awhile and John and Jae were both at friend’s houses. Score… My lips lingered on his.
“It’s been awhile, eh?”
“Too bad you’re not British.”
“Too bad I will be when I grow up.”
“Sure.” We kissed again. His hands roamed up the back of my shirt and he stroked my lower back softly launching chills throughout my backbone. His fingers interlaced with mine and we kissed with fierce fervor and eager desire. For the first time in a long time I sincerely believed that he was content.
He pulled away and dug into his hoodie pocket. “I almost forgot.” He handed me a CD. “I told you I’d make you one.”
“And I told you not to.”
He laughed. “Too bad. You know I don’t listen.” I looked on the cover and it looked blank. “There’s only one song on it ‘cause I couldn’t think of any other songs that really tell how I feel.”
“That’s fine.” I went into my room to put in the stereo and Ryan plopped on the bed. I cuddled next to him. “Can you grab the remote?” He handed it to me and I pressed play. A familiar guitar melody began to play. I smiled and kissed his cheek. The lyrics began after a few seconds.
“Hand in mine
Into your icy blues
And then I’d say to you
We can take to the highway
With this trunk of ammunition too
I’d end my days with you
In a hail of bullets
I’m trying
I’m trying
To let you know just how much you mean to me
And after
All the things we put each other through
And I would drive on to the end with you
A liquor store
Or two
Keep the gas tank full
And I feel like there’s nothing left to do
But prove myself to you
And we’ll keep it running
But this time
I mean it
I’ll let you know just how much you mean to me
As snow falls
On desert sky
Until the end of everything
I'm trying
I'm trying to let you know how much you mean
As days fade
And nights grow
And we grow cold
Until the end
Until this pool of blood
Until this
I mean this
I mean this
Until the end of…
I'm trying
I'm trying to let you know how much you mean.
As days fade
And nights grow
And we go cold
But this time
We'll show them
We'll show them all how much we mean
As snow falls
On desert sky
Until the end of every…
All we are...
All we are is bullets
I mean this
All we are...
All we are is bullets
I mean this
All we are...
All we are is bullets
I mean this.
All we are...
All we are is bullets
I mean this
As lead rains
Pass on through
Our phantoms
Forever forever
Like scarecrows
That fuel this flame
We're burning
Forever and ever
Know how much I want to show you you're the only one
Like a bed of roses there's a dozen reasons
In
This
Gun
And as we're falling down
And in this pool of blood
And as we're touching hands…
And as we're falling down
And in this pool of blood...
And as we're falling down
I'll see your eyes
And in this pool of blood
I'll meet your eyes
I mean this
Forever”
By the end of the song I was about to detonate from ecstasy. I held Ryan close and didn’t muster a word. I didn’t have to. He knew that I felt the same.