You Can’t Be Missed If You Never Go Away

I blinked and put an arm out. Pete grabbed my hand and I pulled him up. He got to his feet and wiped his shirt a few times. I looked at him. He’d been sitting in this long bucket like thing, almost coffin like. I could only imagine the story behind this.

“So was this where you were all night last night?”

He nodded before ruffling his hair and rubbing his eyes, his eyeliner smudging just the slightest bit. “Travis. Asshole knocked my down after I tried tackling him.. Guess it wasn’t one of my best ideas. “

He laughed and I tried to, but the headache was overwhelming. I must have leaned back a bit too far because Pete reached for my shoulders. “Whoa, dude, you really shouldn’t be standing if your going to do that. That much fun last night, hmm?”

I nodded and he led me to a lounge room that was connected along the same hallway. I had to remember this one next time. I saw down on the tan fabric couch and pressed my back against it.

Pete had disappeared for the time being, so I decided to close my eyes for just a moment. I could hear water running and a glass clank. His voice echoed through the room. “I’m just getting you some aspirin, okay?”

I mumbled an okay, but I doubt he heard it. I heard a door open and some footsteps. I opened my eyes and he was standing in front of me, holding out a glass of water and a couple little blue capsules.

I grabbed the glass and swallowed a gulp first before grabbing the pills from his hand. I could only wonder where Vicky had gone…

“So,” He sat beside me and crossed his legs, girl style. “Do you mind telling me how you lost your shirt and ended up with those love bites?”

“Bites? There’s more then the one on my neck?!” I instantly reached for my neck.

Pete nodded. “There a few on the back of your neck I could barely see, and on your collar bone. I don’t know how you missed that one.”

“I- I- um.” I rubbed the back of my neck. How could I not-

“Can’t remember? Can you?” I turned my head to see Pete’s eyes studying me.

I shook my head and took another gulp of water. “All I know is.. Vicky was in the room with me and she was crying.. Over Gabe-”

“Why?!” Pete uncrossed his legs and leaned forward.

I bit my lip. I couldn’t let it slip. “It doesn’t matter. She was though, and I was trying to help her, you know? And last thing I remember.. She was on crying on my chest.”

“You think you guys might have…”

I squeezed the glass tight in my hand. “I would have known if we did anything. I’m not like that.”

He leaned back. “I’m just saying, dude.” He paused and I closed my hand around the glass, tighter. “People do a lot of things under the influence…”

--

“Are you sure you don’t need a ride? Because really, man, it’s okay I can drive you-”

“No, Pete, I’m fine. Really. You should probably get back to Ashlee soon anyway.” I breathed out and looked at the sky. Bright and not a single cloud. Too good of a day.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and sighed. “Okay, but text me later. You know how I worry.” Pete then smiled. He was such a father-like guy with an addition of teenage tangents.

My shirt was what had been laying on the floor of the back room, what I’d been reaching for when the headache struck. I walked around to the backside of A&K and spotted my car easily. It wasn’t as if there were a lot in the lot anyway.

I pulled my keys from my jacket pocket, thank god I’d left them there or I’d never be able to find them. I unlocked the car and got in, quick to be headed on my way back to my place. Alex was smart when he told me not to sell it.

After finally getting through the main intersections of traffic jam after traffic jam, I made it home. Third floor condominium. 687 Fleetwood Ave. Nothing could be better.

I climbed up the three flights of stairs and when I got to my floor I walked down the hall, passing a couple doors before seeing mine. I just stopped and stared at it. Why was I being hesitant?

Maybe it’s because we’ve just gotten off tour. All the chaos, the small peek at celebrity life, and here I was finally about to greet normalcy.

I pushed my key into the slot listen to it fit inside perfectly, turned it, and reached for the doorknob. Same. The light gray walls, the same way I’d painted them close to a year ago, were naked with nothing hanging from them. That was something that needed to be changed. The floor needs some Swiffer-ing. Black leather sofa pushed to the wall. TV mounted on the wall, I guess they’re not as naked as I thought.

I took in a breath of the stillness and dropped my keys onto the carpet and closed the door before heading into my bedroom. I headed straight for the shower, throwing all my clothes to the floor and turning to water on to full blast. I stepped in and closed my eyes, letting it stream down over me.

My mind wouldn’t let me forget about Vicky-T… At all. If she was the one who.. I ran my fingers through my hair, turning around to let the water completely drench me.

She loves Gabe, she trusts you. She wouldn’t- You were both drunk. She was emotionally unstable. You’re in love with her- She’s Gabe’s girl. You don’t matter.

I sighed and reached for the bar of soap that was on the top ledge. Arguing with myself was getting nowhere. I rinsed off and turned the water off, stepping out of the shower onto the mat on the floor. I grabbed a towel from the small closet in the bathroom, contractors are really geniuses these days.

I didn’t bother drying off and just wrapped the towel around my waist. I stood in front of the mirror that was just slightly fogged up, and looked at myself.

My hair needed to be cut, badly. I touched my chin, I definitely needed to shave. I opened the medicine cabinet and grabbed a razor, the can was already by the sink. Seems I do the same thing every time I come home after a long while.

I looked back at the mirror, my eyes catching the marks on my skin again. I threw the razor into the sink and pushed my face into my hands.

“If only I could remember what fucking happened.”