Scream

I sat on the couch and thought. It was only two hours before people started to wake up. I didn’t see Val to walk through the door of the bunk area first. That shocked me. The first person I saw was Brian. He smiled at me and waved. I said nothing. I had an all day frown on my face; I looked at the window.

I heard the clanking of glasses. Brian was making himself a cup of coffee. “Do you want to talk about it?” Brian asked. He was my big brother that had found me. He was actually looking. He cared. He was my only biological family. I felt my stomach tighten and my palms began to sweat. I should talk to him about it but I couldn’t and I wouldn’t. It just wouldn’t be right. “Hello?”

I turned to face him and I forced a nice smile on my face. “I’m fine, really.” My voice sounded genuine but on the inside I wanted to vomit. My voice was as fake as cold, shiny, hard plastic and it made me sick thinking about it.

“Only if your sure.” Brian said as he stirred his ingredients into his coffee. He placed the small spoon in the sink and looked at me. His gaze was sweet and innocent but I couldn’t help but feel self conscious under my idols gaze. He may be my brother but I would always look up to him. I felt my cheeks burn. I hated being looked at. He smiled and walked back into the bunk area.

I groaned and placed my head in my hands. All of the thoughts going through my head at the same time was enough to make anyone want to shoot themselves. I laid on the couch and looked at the ceiling.

Thought of Tessa and couldn’t help but wonder what she was doing at this moment. Knowing her she was sleeping. With it being so early in the morning I was sure she was snoozing away. I only wished I could do the same. I felt goose bumps rise on my skin. I grabbed the white and green quilt from the back of the couch and covered up with it. I looked at the floor and rubbed my legs together to make friction. I sighed. I closed my eyes.

I remembered a guy that had me wrapped around his little finger freshmen year. He was sweet, he was charming, he was gorgeous, he could make me laugh and Tessa didn’t like him as a person. I couldn’t understand why. He was amazing; in my eyes any ways. He gave the best hugs. I would never want to let go.

He made me think of two of my close friends; Liz and Stormy. I was always with them. We would hang out all day and night. There were constant beat up matches, inside jokes and sleep over’s. When Stormy turned eighteen we didn’t have to worry about having someone else buy us our blacks, cigarettes and blunts. We would walk up to the store and get them our selves. We would go and buy them at least twice; maybe more depending on what was going on.

I smiled at the memories we shared before I moved. I sighed and I felt my eyes burn. They were watering. I didn’t cry when I moved. I didn’t cry after, well not until now. I closed my eyes and decided that my dreams were far better then reality. For now.