Consciousness and Confidence

I attempted, as fast as I could, to get away from the group of guys who were now staring at me. I began to round the corner of my kitchen, and reached out to grab hold of the back door, when an arm gripped me from around my waist.

"Damnit, let me go!" I squirmed, trying to get out of the tattooed arms. They were so familiar. "Matt! Do you want me to call Mom back down?"

That got him to let go of me. "Cheap shot." he muttered when I turned around.

"You didn't have to chase me." I told him, folding my arms across my chest. I knew he would be the one to run after me. He was always looking out for me in anyway possible.

"What's wrong?" he asked, ignoring my bad mood and obvious attempts to get away from him.

"Nothing." I repeated the same answer I gave to Jimmy earlier. I moved to go out the door, but his big ass arm blocked me from going any farther.

"No, tell me." His tone was stern, and I gave up holding back.

I glanced around to make sure no one else was around. "JayJay was getting on my nerves."

"Why?" Obviously, I'd gained all of my brother's attention if I hadn't before. Problems between JayJay and I were rare, if ever mentioned at all. So, if anything like this sort of a reaction to her happened, he knew I was completely ticked off.

I hesitated in explaining it to him. He'd get mad, of course. What am I suppose to say? 'Because, Matt, she's moving in on some hot kid that I want to flirt with senselessly.' That would blow over great.

"I-I've said enough." I stuttered, before pushing past him and out to the pool.

"No, wait! Ryyan!" I heard Matt call but, I merely put one hand up while retreating away. He knew not to follow. At least, I hoped he did.

I made my way out the of our small back yard and around the side of the house to the front. I gave the sun a squinted scowl from the heat it was still generating. Today had to be the worst first day of school I could remember. I continued to stare up at the sky until I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I nearly jumped out of my skin. Quickly, I brought my head down and turned to see Brian standing there. My scowl didn't leave my face.

"If Matt sent you to follow me or check up on me or whatever, you can tell him I'm fine and he shouldn't worry." I said, monotone.

I was still iffy with Brian. Yes, he did apologize to me. But, the things he said and the trust he wouldn't have in me hurt. I don't know if I was exactly accepting his apology or not.

"He didn't ask me to come out." he replied.

Alright, then, why the hell is he out here? "Well, if it was Jimmy-"

"Jimmy didn't tell me to either." he cut in.

I fell silent. Why was he here? He doesn't care about me. At least, he never use to care about me. I just didn't understand him. I inhaled deeply. "Then why are you here, Brian?"

"I-I..." he began, obviously looking for the correct words. "I wanted to make sure you were alright. I mean, it's not everyday you get mad at JayJa-"

"How did you know about that?!" I snapped, giving him an incredulous look. His eyes grew and he took a small step away from me. A flush of anger began to boil beneath my skin, or maybe it was the sun. "Were you listening to me and Matt?"

He shook his head. "No, I wasn't. I just-"

"What? What were you doing that you heard me?" I growled, impatiently.

Deep down, my head was screaming at me that I was using any small chance I could to get mad at Brian. He hadn't done anything that terrible, and yet here I was yelling at him; acting like the hormonal little teenager that I was.

"Your voice carried." he mumbled. Instantly, that voice in my head caused guilt to wash through me. He was just trying to be nice.

"Oh." I looked down at my feet. "I'm sorry for snapping." My voice was so low, I wasn't sure if he would actually hear me.

But, then his calloused finger tugged my chin to look upwards. I glanced at his face to see him giving me a small smile. I don't know why, but it caused me to smile.

"It's fine." he assured. "I get that you're not in the best of mood, and I'm not exactly your favorite person right now."

His finger dropped. For some reason, I didn't feel as happy as I did a moment ago. I looked at our house, just waiting to see anyone come out and ruin our conversation. But, no one was there.

"You do understand why I'm not the most care-free person with you, though. Right, Brian?" I asked, staring back at his face. It contorted into a rather uncomfortable expression.

Brian shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Yes, I understand. But, do you understand that people can change?"

I shook my head, stubbornly. "Brian, you don't change that drastically without a logical explanation."

"I'm not going to give you an explanation. I just want you to believe me."

I sighed, and turned my eyes away from his. "I can't do that without understanding why first."

"Ryyan." his tone of voice sounded stronger now, and it made me take a fleeting glance back into his eyes. They were much harder. "Believe me, I changed."

"Prove it."