I've Completely Lost Myself, and I Don't Mind

Oli, Max, Cassie and I were the only ones on the Avenged Bus, the other had went out to party, and myself for once not wanting to go out asked Cassie to stay with me. Her, being the lovely sister that she is, agreed to stay with me. That’s when we called Max and then hunted down Oli to see if they’d like to stay with us. Which led us to where we are now, playing Rock Band.

I was drumming, Max was singing, Cass and Oli were in control of the guitar and bass. I was laughing my ass off, I really sucked at drums. But had yet to fail us. Oli was swearing up a storm and Max was laughing instead of singing. It was really, some of the most fun I’d had so far. I was laughing hysterically as Oli yelled at me to keep my eyes on the screen and get to drumming. Well, he didn’t yell at me, you all know what I mean. He was joking around with me. But to get him back, I slapped the guitar making him miss about four notes.

“Oi! What the fuck was that for??” He growled, picking the notes back up as I continued to miss about three.

“I don’t know.” I said, sticking my tongue out in concentration.

“Haha, Anna, babe. Put your tongue back in your mouth.” Max laughed, before singing what needed to be sang.

“Shuddup.” I glared playfully, “you like it.” saying that made Cassie laugh, she shook with laughter, trying not to miss the notes, I on the other hand. Down right sucked. But, it really wasn’t my fault. I asked for a guitar, but Oli refused to play drums and Max wanted to sing. So, I played the drums.

“Oh yes.” Max laughed, “because I so want that.”

I didn’t get mad, because I knew he was only kidding around, we were all laughing now. Cheering when we finally made it through the song.

“That IS it, I’m done. I don’t wanna play drums anymore.” I sighed, rubbing my arms. I didn’t know how Jimmy did it.

“Me too.” Max groaned, flopping back from his spot on the floor, hair flying everywhere haphazardly. Making Cassie giggle as she and Oli set their guitars aside. Oliver flexed his long fingers before cracking them.

It was another hour before Max and Cassie left, Max asking Cass to go on a walk with him to look at where we were. Ha, he just wanted some alone time with the girl, silly boy. Thinking he could hide that from me. Oli and I were lounging together, watching some stupid comedy…well, I thought it was stupid. But Oli on the other hand, he thought it was hilarious. Sighing I stretched, accidentally bumping into him.

“Shit, sorry.” I mumbled, and he chuckled,

“S’ok.” He smiled, yawning but hiding it behind his hand.

“Tired?” I asked, and he nodded. “If you wanna go back to your bus. I don’t mind.” I said, looking down and playing with the strings on my jeans.

“Nah, I don’t think so. I don’t want to be alone, any way.” He mumbled, and let his head hit the back of the couch as mine hit his shoulder. I was too tired to lift my head off his shoulder when his arm draped over my shoulder. It wasn’t really anything I thought twice about, because of the fact that when ever I would sit with Johnny or Jimmy. . . Any of the guys really. They’d do the same thing. So, I relaxed and let my eyes close, as Oli drifted off too with the T.V blaring in the background.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Oh shit, that’s Zacky’s voice. Whoever I was sleeping on, jumped up. That’s when I opened my eyes…Oli? Oh shit, Oli!

“Mate, I swear nothing happened.” he had his hands up in defense and was looking around the room.

“What the fuck am I supposed to think, I walk on the fucking bus and you and my sister are sleeping together.”

“Zack, calm the fuck down. That’s exactly what we were fucking doing. WE WERE SLEEPING.” I yelled, and I was on my feet now.

“No, Anna. Sit the fuck down, you’re not fucking part of this.”

“Do you think that I’m going to sit here and let you fucking yell at Oli, when he didn’t do anything wrong?!? You’re fucking stupid Zack.” I said, and his gaze snapped to me. He went to take a step forward, towards me and that’s when Matt grabbed ahold of him,

“Dude. Fuck, calm down. Seriously. Look, they’re both clothed.” Matt said, and Zack fought against him.

“I don’t give a fuck! They shouldn’t be on this bus alone. You know the stories we’ve heard about him!” Zacky bellowed, jabbing his finger in Oli’s direction.

“Whoa, hang on a second!” I shouted, going to stand in front of Zacky, “You’re seriously going to believe stories about someone?? Stories, stories that you don’t even fucking know if they’re true or not??” I asked and Zacky growled,

“By the looks of him, I wouldn’t fucking doubt them.”

“Oh.” I laughed humorously. “If you’re fucking judging him by stories, how about I judge you by stories I’ve heard. If I did, you’d be a fucking egotistical, self-centered, asshole that doesn’t really even care about anyone but himself and the way he fucking looks.” I paused, “oh wait. Those are ALL FUCKING TRUE.” I looked over my shoulder when Oli said my name,

“It doesn’t matter.” he said softly and I shook my head,

“Oh no, don’t fucking say that. It does matter, Oli. Because he of ALL fucking people should know how it feels to be judged by people.” I had turned to look back at Zack, “he should of all people should know how much it hurts. But obviously Vengeance here doesn’t care what he says, or how much it could hurt someone.”

“Look, you’re the one being a bitch. You’re the one making this into something bigger then it needs to be. I assume these things because you’re my sister and you don’t need to be getting involved with trash.”

“TRASH?!” I yelled, fucking pissed off more then anything now. “What the fuck are you calling him trash for!?! You don’t even know him, Zack!”

“Look at him.” Zacky said, ripping himself out of Matt’s grip and was so close to me now our noses were almost touching.

“What about him? I see a guy, who I don’t know a lot about yet, but I’m not going to judge him because he’s been successful in his life so far, and plus. Hmm, he’s covered in tattoos and piercings as well, whoa. He looks a lot like you do doesn’t he? Covered in tattoos and piercings…does that make you trash too??” I asked, venom dripping from my every word as I pushed Zack to his very limit. His eyes had gone dark, and he was clenching his teeth.

“Get off the bus.” He said, “get off the fucking bus. I’m not dealing with you right fucking now.”

“WHOA. No, Anna, you don’t have to go anywhere.” Matt said, and I shook my head,

“Nope. That’s fine. I don’t fucking care.” I said that, but my throat was starting to burn from the tears that were clogging them.

“Oi, No. Don’t let me come between you two, you’re family.” Oli said, his voice filled with caution.

“She’s getting off of this fucking bus. I don’t want the bitch here. She’s not family to me if she is going to act like this.” Zack spat, as he stepped away from me. I rolled my eyes, not letting Zack see how much he had hurt me, we’d never fought like this. Oli’s mouth was dropped as he watched the scene unfold in front of him. I grabbed a hoodie and made sure to shove past Zack as hard as possible. Before I ran down the stairs, tears flowing now. At least I hadn’t given Zacky the satisfaction of seeing them.

Once I was out the door, my throat was burning so bad I let out a sob to try to relieve it. I stood there, not knowing what to do for a moment, but then I just started running. Not knowing where I was going, but I knew I had to get out of there, be anywhere but here. I heard my name being called, but didn’t stop. Then two different people where yelling for me. I picked up Cassie’s voice, and then one with an accent. Oli.

But that didn’t stop me, I didn’t stop until Ididn’t have anymore strength couldn’t anymore. My chest hurt from trying to run and not cry. Which I had failed miserably at. I was sure my makeup was streamed down my face and my eyes were red. I knew I had red blotches on my face, the ones that I get when Ibawl so hard it hurts cry. I collapsed against a side of a building, sliding down and burying my face into my knees. Feeling the fabric start to fill with the salt of my own tears.

how could things go to hell, this early?