Just Keep Breathing

Oli’s house was dark and quiet when we arrived. Walking in, he excused himself to the bathroom leaving me to wander into the kitchen. I stepped inside the room and flipped on the lights. It didn’t take me long to find the cupboard with the glasses in them and grab one, filling it with water and sipping it. On one of the counters there was a pack of gum, I picked it up and grabbed a piece, starting to chew it.

Leaning onto one of the counters, I stared around at the plain walls. The guys definitely weren’t the decorating type. Oli didn’t take too long, and soon he was walking back into the kitchen. He too grabbed a piece of the gum before walking in front of me and setting his hands on either side of my waist.

“Ya alright?” He asked smiling. By now I knew that was more of a greeting in England than a question of concern. I nodded and smiled softly at him, looking up. Oli returned the smile and placed a small kiss on my cheek. “Let’s go watch T.V.”

He guided me into his room, which was becoming more and more familiar, and I kicked off my shoes before sitting lightly on his bed. After grabbing his television remote, he climbed onto the bed next to me, both our backs against the headboard. He slung his arm around my shoulder and brought me closer to him. He smelled really good.

“Your feet are cold.” I told him, trying to kick his feet away from mine. I failed though, because his bare feet continued to press against mine, his cold skin giving me chills. He just began laughing as I squirmed around trying to get away from him.

“Aw what, ya don’t like me bein’ cold?” He asked, pressing his also cold hands onto my neck. I giggled and tried to get away from him, but instead I just laid flat against his bed. He took the opportunity to roll on top of me and pin me down. He grinned and stuck one of his hands up the bottom of my shirt, instantly giving me the chills. “Is that cold too?”

“Yes!” I squealed. I wanted to move away but with him sitting on me, I could hardly move. I watched as his other hand slipped up my shirt and pressed against my stomach. He squeezed my sides lightly with his cold hands and began to tickle me.

My best response to attempt to stop him was to reach up and cup his face, pulling him down to my level and kissing him fiercely. His fingers stopped tickling my sides and laid flat against my waist as he shifted over me, letting himself relax into the kiss.

Our mouths quickly opened to each other and I suddenly forgot about his cold hands and I blocked out the noises from the commercials on the T.V. Oli removed his left hand from my shirt and brought it up to my face, tracing my jaw line with his fingers. His other hand was still just barely under my shirt, drawing circles on my stomach.

Though I forgot about my surroundings, my mind was quick to begin my never ending thought process. I was both annoyed and thankful for the small debate going on between the different sides of my mind. It was like having two little people fighting in my head; call me insane.

The debate was a relatively simple concept with a not so simple resolution to it. It pretty much all revolved around whether or not I wanted to go all the way with Oliver. I was tempted, very tempted. Whether or not I was his girlfriend, it seemed like I wanted to. Before I met Oli, I never imagined I would be in this position for at least another couple of years; but here I was, debating whether or not I should sleep with Oliver Sykes.

So here are the two sides; yes and no.

My no side had a few good points, all revolving around the negative side of Oli. The main defense for this was that I could potentially just be another notch in his bed post or another shag in his book. I could also potentially be a game to him, he was a player after all and for all I knew this whole thing between us could all be him trying to achieve something.

Of course, my yes side didn’t need much of an argument other than I should listen to my hormones. This side told me not to worry if he was playing a game or not, because after this long of knowing him, if it was just a game he would have given up. Plus, I figured I needed to lose my virginity sometime.

But then there was also my side to all of this. My side was positioned right in the middle of the other two. Though there were risks of being used and hurt, I also knew that I wanted that risk before he left on tour.

I knew that because of what happened earlier at the beach, Oli wouldn’t really try anything with me. Knowing this, it made me feel a bit awkward about having to make the first move. It mad me blush at the thought and slightly shy to let my hands move down his chest.

It took me a few minutes of kissing to persuade myself to guide my hands down his chest and to the hem of his shirt. I started to raise my hands back up his stomach, taking the fabric of his shirt with me. We broke apart only for a second while I tugged his shirt over his head. He didn’t go back to kissing my lips, instead he latched onto my neck, smiling slightly.

I let my fingers trace around his chest and neck, trying to plan out my next move. I really wished he would take charge sometime soon. The best way I could think of provoking his actions was to pull him even closer and push my hips, just barely, to meet his.

Somehow he got the hint and he mimicked my actions and ran his hands up my stomach as he pulled off my top. For the second time with him, my chest was only covered by a bra. I suddenly felt shy again but tried to push back those feelings as I wrapped my arms around his neck and made him kiss me again.

It was a while before Oli and I made any more moves. Of course his hands had been roaming around my chest, as if memorizing my curves, but other than that his hands hadn’t dared to go lower. Mustering up all the confidence I had, I did what he had earlier and hooked my finger around his belt look and tugged on it.

His lips smiled against mine and his hands moved down from my boobs to my waist line, lightly feeling my belt. He undid it with ease and unbuttoned my pants with no problems. This boy was no doubt a pro of getting a girl out of her pants.

I, however, wasn’t so lucky with his jeans. I could barely unbuckle his belt and I fumbled with his button and zipper. I guess I was moving a little too slow because Oli did it for me and discarded his jeans next to mine on the floor.

Oli stopped kissing me for a moment and let his eyes scan over my body. He kissed my stomach, then my cleavage, and then back to my lips. We were now comfortably sunken into his mattress with both of our hands roaming. With only one of his hands, he managed to unhook my bra and take it off, letting his fingers trail over my skin as he did.

After that, he kept his gaze on my eyes, not trying to make me any more uncomfortable than I already was. His kisses became softer and more gentle. This is one of those times that I could tell that he really cared.

So now here I was, laying in his bed in only my panties with him hovering over me, obviously turned on. It wasn’t my picture book first time, but it was sure better than being in the sand at the beach. He brushed the hair out of my faced and smiled down at me, breaking the silence. “Are ya sure about this, hon? We can still turn back whenever ya want.”

I inhaled and exhaled slowly, thinking again for a moment. That question was still in the back of my mind; yes or no? Finally, I looked at him and nodded, “I’m sure.”

Oliver nodded back and softly cupped my face, kissing me lightly. No lust was in this kiss, it was loving and simple. That small kiss was probably one of the best I had received. We shed the rest of our clothing as my heart started to beat ferociously in my chest, obviously anxious about the activities to come. I hoped to God I didn’t have an attack in the middle of all of this.

A few moments passed and after Oli was done digging around in his bedside table for a condom, he looked at me again, studying my face. I smiled at him lightly and tangled my arms around him and pulling him close. With one last look, our lips and bodies became tangled together.