A Blink of an Eye

After talking to Joe and Selena I knew I had to talk to Justin. He just couldn't leave. Not now. Not ever. I couldn't deal with that. I had no idea what I was going to say to him. I got into my truck the next morning and drove past his house about ten times before stopping. I didn't move. I couldn't make myself get out. I watched movers come in and out of the house with boxes. Nobody noticed me and I kept it that way. Justin's parents were instructing the movers and Justin was no where to be found. There were two moving vans. A big one and a tiny one. It was obvious that the tiny one was for all of Justin's things. The box he had left was on the seat next to me. I finally decided to bring it to him. I looked at it trying to figure out what was in it. Just as I was about to let myself open it the front door of his house opened again and out he came. He didn't look happy. He carried his boxes to his tiny truck and threw them in there. He looked pissed. He never noticed me. I sat there and watched him pack up all the boxes and when he was done he sat down on the back of the mover truck with his head in his hands. This is my chance. I have to do it now.
I got out of my truck quietly and picked up the box. I walked over to him as his parents got their last few boxes in their truck.
"Justin." I say quietly.
His head snaps up and he quickly wipes his eyes. I knew he had been crying. He didn't want to leave. He just thought he had to. I knew this. I knew him.
"Jessica, what are you doing here?" Justin says surprised.
"You left this box. I thought I'd bring it. Plus, I got to tell you something..." I say not looking at him.
"Oh, you can keep that box." Justin says looking kind of bashful.
"Oh, ok." I say not knowing what else to say.
"What did you have to say?" Justin asks. Well, here goes nothing.
"You can't leave." I say quickly.
"Jess, I have to." Justin says sighing.
"Joe needs you. I want you to stay. We all do." I say trying to avoid telling him that I love him.
"Joe will be fine. We'll keep in touch. And I just can't stay." Justin says.
"Justin, You left our house because you didn't want to hurt me. Right?" I say and Justin looks at me. I knew he was wondering how I knew this but he didn't question me.
"Right..." Justin mumbles.
"Well, leaving hurt me more than you staying. You shouldn't of left. You should not leave today. It's going to hurt me." I say getting confident.
"Staying doesn't help either." Justin says quietly.
"Yes it does. You told me once. That all you wanted to do was make me happy." I say.
"Yea, but it didn't work. It never does. Not like Matt." Justin says sounding upset.
"Justin, Can I tell you something and you just listen. Don't say anything, just listen?" I ask.
"Ok." Justin says.
"When I was with Matt, I was happy, most of the time. There was a point, before Jason died, where I questioned if I loved him. I kept asking myself, do I love him? Or am I just crazy?" I say sighing.
"I don't get it. What do you mean? Why are you telling me this?" Justin says sounding upset.
"I was wrong. I didn't love him. Not like that. I never did. When Matt ran away, I was scared. But I was also confused. I just thought, I have to find him. I love him. But I didn't. I was wrong. I didn't get what love was. I've never loved Matt, I don't think I ever will." I say trying to explain.
"I still don't know why you are telling me this." Justin says looking at me.
"You really don't get it?" I ask quietly.
"Yes." Justin says nodding.
"Matt can't make me happy. He can't. Not the way I want to be happy. He can make me laugh sure, but he can't make me feel whole. He can't love me and listen to me. He can't. He can't make me feel the way I want to feel." I say.
Justin was quiet for a minute. I didn't know what he was going to say. I waited. I wasn't going to tell him unless he asked. He probably already knew. But I was positive that he was going to ask. He looked up at me and for the first time, I met his eyes. His beautiful eyes, they say everything and more to me. I stare at him for a minute and he just stares back. Not in a creepy staring way but in a intense waiting way. He opens his mouth and I wait for what I knew was coming.
"Who can?" Justin asks.