My Fears Burn While You're Around

I awoke from my slumber the next morning in quite the confusion.

There were a pair of arms wrapped around my waist and my back was pressed up against the body of someone else.

The room was unfamiliar to me and so was the bed. Instinct started to kick in as I tried to frantically figure out where in the world I was before I lost my nerves. My mind was a little too slow on the thinking part however.

As I shifted slightly I became quite aware that there was something poking into my behind and I thought I knew exactly what that something was and I'll tell you I didn’t like it one bit.

Freaked out beyond belief at the fact that I was in some strange bed with some man who had a large case of morning wood, I jumped out of my skin and got tangled up in the black sheets. I let out a few yells as I tried to get away from the stranger but only really succeeded in landing on the floor with a rather loud thump.

My butt stung and instantly I was reminded as to why it was so much more painful falling this time than it should have been. This was the second time I had fallen on it in two days.
My head lifted up as I heard a chuckle and Matt's head appeared over the edge of the bed.

Matt. That's who I was with. Memories of last night and the previous day's events flooded into my mind like an ocean wave hitting the shore.

"Are you alright?" Matt questioned as a ghost of a smile appeared on his face as he looked down at me. His morning appearance was very different than his daytime one but I suppose everyone's was. His mohawk was flat and rested on either side of his head against the small stubble of hair that was starting to grow there again. His eyes were groggy but held a hint of amusement to them.

"Fine. I just freaked out a bit is all." I told him sheepishly as I sat up straighter.

"Why? Is everything alright?" He asked as he scooted over closer to the edge.

"I just didn’t know where I was. And then, um, something else just caused me to lose it." I told him as I blushed insanely. He gave me a quizzical look not having any idea what I was talking about.

"What's wrong? Did I do something?" He asked frantically.

"No. I um…" I trailed off not quite sure how to phrase my sentence. "I haven't actually woken up beside a man in the morning before." I told him as I averted my gaze for a moment.

His expression remained confused. "What? What do you… oh." The lights seemed to click on in his brain as he pieced together just what I was referring to.

"Shit. I'm sorry Cels. I can't really help it though." He chuckled as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously as a blush crept upon his face.

"I know Matt. It just startled me is all." I told him but I'm pretty sure he read right past my statement and saw the fear behind what I had said.

It was safe to say Matt wasn't lacking in that area at all and to be perfectly honest that sort of scared me. I didn’t want to think about what I had encountered in the past but Matt well surpassed anything from my past.

"Come back up here." He reached a hand down to me and with a shaking hand I grabbed onto his knowing this was probably a good time to face this fear. Matt wasn't going to hurt me.

I stood up with shaky knees and noticed the sheets were still covering his lower half. I climbed back up onto the bed and under the covers but was careful to stay on my side. Matt gave me a sympathetic look but opened his arms up for me anyway. I gulped as I looked hesitantly at the space he had created and questioned myself on whether I really wanted to occupy that space at the moment.

Better sooner than later. My mind told me and I slowly crawled into his embrace.

"You alright?" He asked in his husky voice.

"Fine." My reply was short and to the point. This was unbelievably uncomfortable for me. I groaned as Matt rolled over and pulled me so I was lying flush on top of him.

"That's better."

"Why do you have to be so big?" A laugh was earned by my question and his chest rumbled against my own.

"Just blessed with the best I suppose." He teased with a cocky grin on his face. "It's something you'll have to get used to."

"And why is that?" I asked quietly as I tried to calm my heartbeat down some so it wasn't so apparent that I was nervous in this situation.

"Because I don’t plan on letting you go anytime soon."

"What if I want to get dressed?"

"That's not what I was talking about."

"Oh."

After that exchange there was silence between the two of us. My heart was still racing but my mind had settled down about the current position I was in.

"So how did you sleep?" Matt asked casually when he had gotten tired of the silence. His hand was lazily rubbing gentle circles on my back through my tank top.

"I…I slept well." I said, stumbling over my words.

"You sure? Even after yesterday you slept well?"

"Yes." I honestly couldn’t be happier that yesterday was over and done with. I felt like a huge burden was lifted off of my shoulders; a burden that lasted for most of my life.

My body instantly tensed as I felt his hand shift positions and move to the hem of my tank top that was bunched up about an inch above the waist of my boxer shorts. My breathing practically stopped when his fingertips inched under my shirt and his hand started to slide up my bare back.

Matt obviously could sense the change in my comfort level because his hand paused just as it got completely under my top. His unoccupied hand reached up to turn my face so I was looking into his hazel orbs. "I'm not going to hurt you." He told me softly.

Well I knew that.

The logic behind my tenseness was more so what it reminded me of and not so much of who was doing it.

"You need to relax."

"Easier said than done." I told him shakily.

"Cels… I want to try something. And I need you to completely trust me on this." I could not only sense the nervousness in his tone but also the sincerity he spoke with.

"What are you going to do?"

"You'll see. Do you trust me?"

Of course I trusted him. It was myself I didn’t trust to not freak out on him. I guess there was really only one way to tell how I would react though.

"I trust you." I told him.

"Alright. Sit up and face away from me." I think he could tell there was a bit of fear travelling through my mind because once he finished telling me what to do he placed a soft kiss on the top of my head forcing me to blush from the contact.

I rolled off of him and sat up in the bed so he was now behind me. I pulled the sheet up to my waist and crossed my legs to get comfortable.

"Ok. Close you eyes and relax. You may not like what I'm going to do at one point but just trust me please."

I nodded and did as told. My eyelids fell shut sending my vision into a world of darkness. I tried to let my breathing even out but that wasn't quite as easy as closing my eyes. I breathed in and out deeply but my heart was still pounding at light speed against my ribcage. There was no way it was going to slow down and I think both Matt and I were well aware of that.

I felt the bed shift as Matt moved around. The weight his body left on the bed never disappeared so I knew he was still there behind me.

For a split second I really was confused as to what he was going to do because he was taking an awfully long time to get started. My body jumped lightly as I felt his hands place themselves on my waist.

His fingertips gently moved under the hem of my tank top once more but instead of resting in place they started to pull the material upward.

I fought my breathing long and hard and struggled to keep my eyes from popping open when I realized his hands weren’t stopping anytime soon. The warm skin of his hands made its way up my sides until they reached where my arms were resting. From there they moved to my back and continued to pull the tank top upward.

Oh gosh he was taking my shirt off. Trust him. Stay calm. Relax. I tried telling myself.

"You alright?" He questioned as the tank top material reached just below my bra.

"Would you be surprised if I said no?" My voice was incredibly shaky. It was impossible for me to mask my feelings at this point.

"No I wouldn’t." He replied before lifting my shirt higher so it was now leaving the back of my black bra exposed to him. I slowly raised my arms for him and he pulled the tank top over my head so it was now completely off of me. I felt like I wanted to have a heart attack.

This was a huge step for me in terms of becoming comfortable with my body around Matt. If he made a move for my bra however, I knew I would freak out. I wasn't anywhere near ready for that yet.

My body started to shiver at the loss of warmth my tank top provided to my stomach but the warmth was soon returned not by an article of clothing but by Matt's hands.

They trailed up my back and came to rest on my shoulders where he started to rub. My eyes relaxed and my breathing evened out as the motions he made became more soothing. His fingers gripped my shoulders and his thumbs found the spot beneath my shoulder blades before they dug into the crevice and earned a moan that escaped from my throat. His fingers continued to rub and press into spots on my back that were incredibly tense and it was easier for me to relax now that I knew what he was doing.

"Shit. You've got some pretty bad knots in your back." His soft voice flooded through my ears as the words registered in my mind.

"I guess that's what happens from a good year without a proper bed." I replied.

"Can you lie down on your stomach? It'll be easier for me to get them out from that angle."

I nodded but groaned from the loss of contact of his hands when he removed them so I could switch positions. I turned around and flopped down on the bed so my head was back on a pillow and my feet and legs were still hidden under the sheet.

Matt's hands slid up my back but paused when they fingered the clasp on my bra. "I'm going to unhook it so it's not in the way. But that's it I promise." He told me as he sense my body tense back up.

"Ok." I whispered shakily. I wish my body wasn’t reacting like this. Any other girl and it would have been completely fine. But not me, oh no. My body had to go on the fritz when it came to stuff like this.

Matt's fingers unhooked the two tiny clips on the bra and then he brushed the fabric off to the side so he was faced with my bare back in its entirety. He didn’t waste any time in returning his hands to massaging my back. I knew exactly where the knots in it were and I would wince every now and then as he would press harder than usual to relieve the pressure on it.

"How is this not painful for you? Your back is a mess." He muttered under his breath.

"I guess I'm just used to it." My sentence trailed off with a small moan as a portion of my back cracked. "Oh that felt so good."

"I just want you to know, I'm trying extremely hard not to get too turned on right now but your moans aren't making it any easier."

I blushed several shades of red and turned my face so it was hiding in the pillow face down. Matt really shouldn’t have said that.

"You started it." My statement came out muffled through the pillow but I'm sure he could understand what I meant to say.

"That I did." He concluded as his hands ran up my back a final time before they left my skin. I felt him re-hook my bra for me and then he settled down in bed beside where I remained with my head buried in my pillow.

"Are you going to look at me?"

I shook my head back and forth to indicate a no to his question. I was too embarrassed at the moment to look at him. Matt reached across me and wrapped an arm around my waist before rolling me so I was facing him. My blush was still in place and a small smirk was situated on his own face.

"Feel better?"

"Much."

"You survived and I didn’t rape you." He teased gently.

"That too."

Matt continued to pull me further into him. His eyes had since locked with mine and were holding my gaze captive. One of his hands came up to rest on the back of my neck while the other hugged me around my waist.

I was thankful that Matt's gaze stayed on my eyes and didn’t drift down to my chest. I still felt slightly odd only being in my bra and would really love to have my tank top back on at the moment.

Instead of Matt's eyes shifting to my chest, they drifted down to my lips and I could instantly tell what he was thinking. My heartbeat sped up yet again and my breathing started to quicken.

I felt my eyes involuntarily flutter shut as Matt pulled my face closer to his own. I could honestly say this was the first time in my life I willingly wanted to kiss someone.

My heartbeat increased tenfold as I finally felt Matt's lips press against mine tenderly. His hand tangled in my hair and his fingertips gently massaged my scalp. His lips remained stationary as he let me get used to the situation but it wasn't long before I felt his tongue slip out of his mouth and run against my bottom lip.

I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Well, I did, I just didn't know what I wanted to do.

Instinct took hold over my thoughts though because while I was still panicking apparently I had parted my lips and allowed for Matt's tongue to enter my mouth quickly. My mind was still racing as his tongue started to gently massage my own. This was an extremely different feeling than what I had previously encountered in this situation. Matt's kiss wasn't rough and forced by any means. It was soft, loving, and passionate and that was something I had only ever experienced once in my life and that was the first time Matt kissed me on the beach.

The hands that belonged to Matt were still quite busy trying to calm me down. One was still tangled in my hair and the other one had since worked its way under the back of my shirt and was drawing small circles on my lower back.

I brought my hands up to the back of his neck and pulled him closer to me. It felt as if no matter how hard I tried I couldn't get close enough to him. I had never felt like this about someone before and as much as the feeling scared me I didn’t want it to end. Matt was like a drug to me. I just couldn’t get enough of him when I knew it would be better to be careful.

An ever so small whimper escaped my throat as he began to nibble on my lower lip.

I was crumbling to him and at this rate I would be a pile of crumbs soon enough.

Matt was making me feel like I was soaring higher than I ever had before. My mind wasn't fully focused because I was so lost in how good it felt to kiss him like this. His soft lips moved expertly against my own inexperienced ones yet somehow it just felt right. I felt like I fit perfectly against Matt's body.

My head started to spin as I felt Matt pull away and chuckle at my dazed expression.

"Breathe Celeste." I looked at him with wide eyes as if he was crazy. When realization dawned on me my gaze softened as he continued to chuckle under his breath.

"Oh, right." I said as I frantically took in the much needed oxygen.

"Are you ok?"

"Never better."

"I didn't cross the boundaries did I?" He asked nervously as he wrapped his arms tightly around me.

"No. I actually needed that." I was feeling a whole lot more open and warm toward Matt at the moment. That was a big step for me to overcome and I think it was about time it happened.

"I needed it too." He laughed.

"That's because you're a guy." I told him. "Guys need everything." I added in an undertone hoping maybe he wouldn't catch that last part. I should have known with his hearing he would though.

"Some do. But I don't." He replied before he placed a tender kiss on my forehead.

Matt's phone started buzzing from where it was positioned on the nightstand beside his side of the bed. He unfolded one of his arms from around me and reached behind him to grab the small device.

"What's up man?" His eyes continued to watch me as whoever was on the other end of the line continued to speak in his ear.

"She's here. Don't worry dude."

I vaguely heard the person on the other end say "Thank fuck! I was worried!" and I instantly knew it had to have been Johnny. I never returned home last night and never thought to give him a call and tell him I was staying over at Matt's. Things had been a bit crazy last night and that really didn’t even cross my mind.

"I'll explain later man. Things were a bit crazy last night." I cringed as Matt said that because I knew what that would lead Johnny to believe. "No, that didn't happen you dick. Get a grip." A laugh followed his statement and I knew Johnny had assumed what I thought he would.

"I gotta go shortshit. I'll bring her home later." Johnny must have said something in retaliation to Matt's insult but Matt just laughed and hung up his phone before tossing it back onto the nightstand.

"We forgot to tell Johnny you were here. He was freaking out. Apparently he wasn't home when Brian went to get your clothes last night."

"I figured it was him. That wasn't exactly the top thing in my mind last night."

"He'll get over it. He was just worried something had happened to you."

I nodded and let out a sigh. Everyone always worries about me. That's not what I wanted them to do.

"I think I'm going to go get dressed." I told Matt softly while struggling to get out of his vice grip. I needed to clear my head for a few minutes.

"Alright." Matt told me. He released me from his arms and I rolled out of bed. I snagged my tank top from the floor and grabbed my bag as well before I scurried out of the bedroom quickly and found refuge in the bathroom instead.

I closed the toilet seat and sat down on top of it. My head rested in my hands as I thought about all that had happened in the last twenty-four hours. I had dealt with the graveyard, practically disowned my parents, had Matt walk in on me while I was almost naked, woken up and freaked out at Matt's private area poking into me, bruised my tail bone I'm sure, and made out with Matt for the first time in my life. I'd say I needed to clear my mind a bit. I couldn’t believe how crazy the last day I had been.

I took a deep breath and let out a shaky sigh as I stood back up and dug through my bag to see what clothes Brian had packed for me. Relief flowed through my head as I saw he had picked out a pair of long jean shorts and a teal t-shirt for me. I changed out of my pajamas and into the clothes before pulling out a brush and running it through my hair. I really could use a haircut soon. It had been over a year and I'm sure the hair stylist would freak when she saw all of the split ends I had.

I stuffed my pajamas back into the small bag and pulled the strings to synch it closed. I took hold of the strings and carried the bag out of the bathroom with me. I poked my head back into the bedroom to see that the bed was now empty. I heard Matt messing around in his bedroom across the hall and figured I would leave him alone for now. I walked down the stairs and immediately noticed how sore my tailbone was. That was going to take awhile to heal after falling on it twice.

I placed my bag next to the door and went in to sit on the couch. Bella was lying on her bed in the corner and her head perked up as I entered. "Hey girl." I said to her as I went over and pet her on the head. As I moved away her head drooped back down onto the bed and I flopped down on the couch myself. I folded my hands together and placed them between my head and the black throw pillow.

What in the world was I going to do with myself now? I groaned and ripped the pillow from under my head and brought it so I could cover my face. I really had put myself in a pickle now. Not only had I slept in the same bed with Matt but I had made out with him this morning. Looking back I definitely hadn't planned to do either of those things but I guess life took a turn on me. I just wasn't sure if I liked the turn or not.

"You're not trying to suffocate yourself are you?" I slowly pulled the pillow down my face so my eyes were free to start at Matt who had appeared.

His feet were planted firmly on the soft carpet. I followed his black jean clad legs up to his torso which was covered by a white t-shirt. His hair was now spiked up in place and his dimples helped to radiate his smile. His hands were shoved deep in his jean pockets and his head was cocked to the side as he watched me.

Removing the pillow fully from my face I shook my head as I gave him my reply. "No. Just thinking is all. No suffocation on my part."

"You seem to be doing a lot of thinking these days."

"Well a lot has changed and it's taking my mind some time to process."

"Maybe you should stop thinking and just go with what your heart tells you." He shrugged before turning on his heel and making his way into the kitchen.

I followed his figure with my eyes as he retreated. Matt was right, but that was easier said than done in my case. My heart didn't help me out a whole lot lately.

That's because you don't allow it to. I shook the thought from my head and brought the pillow up to my face once more before emitting a loud groan into the fabric.

Somehow I think things just got way more complicated with Matt than I ever intended them to.