My Fears Burn While You're Around

Glancing around quickly I noticed I was in front of Ruth's café and that he had just walked out. I was vaguely aware of the cool liquid that used to be Matt's coffee now splashed onto my shirt.

"I'm so fucking sorry. Here let me help you." He said as he bent down and held his hand out to me. I stared at it for a moment, amazed at the sheer size of how big his hand was. Slowly I reached up my own small one and placed it into his. His fingers gently wrapped around my slender hand and helped pull me up.

"Thank you." I muttered quietly when I was standing again. He didn't release my hand though and I was starting to feel just how soft and warm his skin was.

"Umm." He started as he dropped my hand after realizing he was still holding it. "I'm Matt." He said softly.

"Celeste." I replied shyly as I took a step back. Now that I was standing beside him I was feeling even more intimidated that when I was sitting away from him. I was now aware of just how huge this guy was.

"Oh fuck. I spilt my drink on your shirt. Here come with me and we'll go get you a new one."

"No! It's alright. It's fine." I tried to tell him as he grabbed my hand and started pulling me gently in the direction of the beach.

"No I insist. I'd hate for you to walk around all the time with a coffee stain on your only good shirt." I stopped in my tracks at his words and yanked my hand from his. He knew. He had to know. But how? How did he know I was homeless? And most importantly, why had it hurt so much when he said this was my only good shirt? I mean yeah I had other shirts that I wore and they weren't as nice as this one, but I figured I looked alright. It sort of hurt to hear him say that. I guess if he thought that, most other people probably did as well.

"I'm fine Matt." I growled quietly, slightly frustrated with his comment still.

"Celeste I didn't mean it like that." I turned on my heel and started to walk away in the opposite direction. It looks like I was two for two today when it came to people saying something the wrong way; or so they claimed.

"Please come with me?" He begged as he walked after me.

"I don't need your help."

"Oh but you'll move in with Johnny when Val asks?" He asked in a sly tone. I stopped in my tracks and turned around to face him.

"How do you know about that?"

"He's one of my friends. I was actually the one who suggested it you know." Now this puzzled me. Just how much about me did he know? I was really starting to get creeped out here.

"How do you know so much about me?" I asked in a shaky tone as he continued to advance on me.

"Come to my house with me. We'll get you a clean shirt. As for how I know, you have to remember who my best friend is and I've had my suspicions for a long time now." He held out his hand again and I stared at it really truly unsure if I should take it or not. Too many hands had hurt me over the years. Matt gave me a pleading look and I sighed before taking his hand gently. A grin became etched over his face and I let a small one cross my own. He walked quickly down the sidewalk and I nearly had to take two steps to match one of his own.

I hesitated a bit once more as we reached the front door of his house. He brought out his key and unlocked the front door before leading me in much like Val had done.

"Follow me." He told me as his feet carried him over toward the beige carpeted stairs. I did as instructed and he led me down the hallway I had been down once before. This time however, he stopped at a different room and opened the door. As I entered what I took to be his room I instantly knew I was in way over my head. Matt seemed to have the best of everything. Flat screen television, stereo system that was so nice I could probably never afford it in my entire life, video games scattered on his floor, a huge California king size black bed, an adjoining bathroom in which I could spot the expensive marble tile, and even a lovely dog that stood up when we walked in.

"Celeste this is Bella." The golden dog made its way over toward me and sniffed my outstretched hand before moving her head so it was under my hand. I scratched behind her ears some as her tail wagged and once I stopped she retreated back to her giant bed that was in the corner.

"I know that shirt is around here somewhere." I heard Matt mumble from his closet where his head was currently buried. "Found it!" He exclaimed as he turned back around and held up a small black t-shirt that had some kind of skull design on it. "It may not be much, but it's the smallest shirt I have. It's one of Zacky's earlier designs and he brought it over a long time ago as a sample one. It's way too small for me." He tossed the shirt in my direction and I instantly flinched away making it land on the bed instead of on me. This was an automatic reaction that was the result of having numerous items thrown at me practically on a daily basis. Matt gave me a sympathetic look although I have no idea why. He couldn’t possibly know I had been abused.

"Did you say Zacky's?"

"Yeah. Zack has his own clothing line. And before you think it no he's not gay." He chuckled out the answer to my unspoken question. "Brian's got one too." Who in the world were these guys exactly?

"I'll leave while you change." I nodded hesitantly before taking my now stained shirt off and pulling on the one Matt had given me. I honestly didn't want to wear anything that had to do with Zacky right now but this was really my only option.

"Ok." I called out softly letting Matt know he could come back in. At least he had offered to leave. That was pretty kind of him.

"So, what's your favorite band?" I quirked an eyebrow at him for the random question. In all honesty, I didn't listen to music and therefore didn't have a favorite band.

"I don't have one. I really don't listen to music." He looked skeptically before nodding and leaving the room with me in toe.

"Would you like some lunch?" He asked as he opened the fridge.

"Sure." My voice was still quiet and reserved and I honestly didn't know what to do in this situation. Here I was, sitting with Matt Sanders and he was asking me casual questions. I guess it was better than him asking me about my life though.

"What would you like? What's your favorite type of soda?" His head was still in the fridge and I wasn't quite sure how to tell him the only soda I had in the last year was the occasional coke at Ruth's place.

"I don't really drink sodas." I sounded so deprived. Yet then again, I really was.

"Alcohol then?" He peered over his shoulder and held up a beer. My eyes widened and I shrunk back at the sight of the drink. My eyes started blinking quickly as I averted my gaze to the floor. He let out a small hum before placing the bottle back in the fridge.

"No alcohol then." He said to himself. What in the world was with this guy? He leads me to believe that he knows all about me but then knows nothing about my fear of alcohol? He has to know. He just has to.

"So when are you going to Johnny's house?" Matt turned and had two cans of Sprite in his hand along with some leftover pizza.

"Tonight at seven." I replied shortly. I still hadn't over come my shyness when I was around him and I honestly didn't know if I ever would.

"Why are you so afraid of alcohol?" He backfired as he set the food on the table in front of me.

"Why are you asking so many questions?" My retort seemed to take him off guard but he just smiled.

"I want to know more about you. And two things that come to mind are why you're afraid of alcohol and why you flinched when I threw the shirt at you. It proves you have a history that is somehow connected to it." My fingers pried open the top of the Sprite and I noticed my hands were visibly shaking with nerves.

I really didn't want to get into this. I hated bringing up my past and I had already shared it with two people that I honestly never planned to. I'd rather not have the images replay in my head so soon after they had already left.

"You know what? I think I'm just going to go. I don't see how any of this is your business or why you're so concerned about me to begin with." I stood up still with the Sprite firmly gripped in my shaking hands.

"Why is it so hard to believe I care about you?" He asked softly as he stood up with me. He tucked his hands into his pockets as he looked expectantly at me.

"Because I only just met you today. Nobody has ever cared about me so why should you?" My reply came out as a quiet but harsh snap and he just stood there slightly taken aback. When I moved out of the room I noticed he didn't follow and it just seemed to confirm my thoughts. He didn't care.

I snatched my bag and exited the house without another word to him.

The worst part was, he didn't even try and stop me.

***

"Is that all of your things?" Val asked as I plopped my bags down inside of Ruth's café. It was only my typical messenger bag along with the beat up bag that had my pillow and blanket in it along with a few shirts.

"Yeah." I muttered ashamed as Val's eyes widened at my answer.

"Well that's going to have to change." She muttered under her breath. I kept quiet, not really wanting to pursue the matter further. I couldn’t buy new things if I had no money. So what I had was what I would stick with.

"Where's Johnny?" I asked timidly as my nerves came out again. I was really skeptical about meeting another guy; especially a friend of Matt's.

My encounter with Matt hadn't necessarily been the best. I mean it was better than I thought it would be but it still scared me. I honestly was slightly put off by how many questions he asked about my personal life. He had to already know it all from Val and Brian. So why did he bother asking? If he asked did that mean that he cared? Obviously Val cared or she wouldn’t have arranged for me to stay with this Johnny fellow that I have still yet to meet.

"We're meeting him at his house actually." I jumped slightly at Val's answer because I was so into my thoughts I had forgotten my own question.

"Oh. Ok." I whispered as Val grabbed one of my bags and motioned for me to follow her outside.

When we reached the outside I stood and gawked at the little red convertible that was parked by the curb that Val walked to. It had been years since I had last been in a car and yet now all of a sudden I would be riding in a convertible no less. This was a dream come true. I had never had a car of my own. If I was being honest I didn't even know how to drive. I mean yeah I had an idea of how to drive, I had just never actually done it.

"Hop in." Val told me as she placed my bags in the back seat. I did as told and immediately felt out of place in the big fancy car. It just didn't feel right. The leather seats were a feeling I had long since forgotten existed. "Buckle up." Val instructed lightly.

"Oh. Right." I said completely forgetting about the seat belt that had still been ignored by me until now. "I like your car." I stated briefly.

"Thanks. Matt bought it for me." My eyes widened in shock and I began to wonder just how Matt could afford a car like this. Then again I had never seen what he drives so it could be some fancy car as well. Was his band really so big that he could pay for big expensive cars like this?

"He bought it for you?" I asked still wanting to make sure I had heard right.

"Yeah. For my birthday. Would you like to drive it?"

"I can't. I've umm never driven before." Her head snapped to the side and she gawked at me for a moment before a sad smile overcame her face.

"Well we'll have to fix that. I'm sure one of the guys would be willing to teach you." I groaned lightly at the mention of the guys and but knew that I would be seeing a lot more of them now so I had better get used to it.

"I'll ask them later on."

"Alright." I nodded shyly and was thrown back against my seat as she tool off speeding down the street. We turned onto the PCH and I instantly loved the feeling of the wind rushing through my hair. It was such an exhilarating and refreshing feeling when it came blowing at you so fast. A smile crept up onto my face and I grinned a genuine smile for the first time in a long while.

Val must have taken notice because her face too was etched with a grin.

"Get used to fancy cars. We all own them." She told me gently. I knew by her tone that she didn't want me to feel bad, but just wanted me to know that there would be more where this came from so I wasn't surprised next time.

"And here we are! Johnny's house!" She exclaimed a few minutes later as we pulled into the driveway of a very cozy looking house. It wasn't too fancy but it looked comfortable from the outside. As she shut the car off I saw the front door open and a short guy with weird funny blonde and black hair step out onto the porch. I couldn’t see him too well but he soon started toward us with a grin plastered on his face.

This must be Johnny.

He was short, yet still slightly taller than I was. He dressed much like the other guys did and even had his nose pierced in the same place as Brian. His tattoos seemed to be tamer though seeing as he didn't have quite as many of them. One of his arms was still normal looking. He wasn't nearly as creepy looking as the others were. He looked nicer too.

He gave me a toothy grin as he gave Val a hug before holding out his hand.

"Hey Celeste. I'm Johnny." His voice was soft and wasn't as gruff as the others' were. I gently took his hand after the warm greeting.

"Nice to meet you." I said hesitantly.

"Why don't you two come inside?" I looked to Val who pushed me forward after Johnny.

The inside of his house matched the outside perfectly. It was just how I envisioned it, homey and comfortable. It wasn't nearly as fancy as Matt's was yet you could still tell he had quite a bit of money.

"Would you like some iced tea or anything?" I cocked an eyebrow at his question and found it rather odd that he had iced tea. That wasn't normally something a guy drank.

"Don't give me that look. I like iced tea." He shrugged making me laugh lightly.

"In that case, yes please." Val seemed to like how Johnny and I were interacting so far. I could honestly say he seemed like an alright guy. I trusted Val enough to know Johnny wouldn’t hurt me. Yet there was still that little unknown feeling that seemed to completely disappear when I was around Matt. That feeling was still lingering.

Val sat down on one of the lush couches and I sat beside her not really knowing what to do at the moment.

"So what do you think so far?" She asked.

"He seems nice and not as scary looking as the other guys." She chuckled as she nodded. Johnny came back into the room with a two glasses of iced tea in his hands. He handed me one of them before sitting in a chair opposite the two of us.

"So Celeste, I was thinking maybe I'd show you around the house and then maybe we can go grab some take out or something for dinner. Would that be alright with you?"

"Sure." I said lightly as I sipped on my iced tea.

"I've gotta get going hun. I need to make sure Matt's still in one piece." I put my head down knowing any bad mood he was in was probably caused by me. I felt bad leaving like that but I didn't know what to do with myself around him. He pried too much and I wasn't used to that. I didn’t know what he wanted from me.

"Will you be alright here?" She asked gently.

"I think so." I grinned lightly at Johnny who returned the smile as I nodded at Val.

"Ok. Chances are we'll all be around sometime soon." She stood up and gave me a hug before doing the same to Johnny. She waved before leaving the house meaning it was just me and Johnny now. I half expected him to start acting rough and mean but he didn't.

"So shall we tour the house so you don't get lost on your own?" His chuckle was cute and I knew what he said would probably be true since the house was quite large.

"Ok."

"To ease one of your worries, I won't delve into your personal life. Val filled me in on what she thought was important but the rest is p to you if you want. Just know I'm here if you ever want to talk." I breathed a sigh of relief at his words and was instantly thankful for what he said.

"Thank you Johnny."

I had a feeling things were going to be alright living here for now.