My Fears Burn While You're Around

"Val, what am I supposed to wear to this thing?" I questioned from inside of my closet. "Nothing will look good on me." I insisted as I came out and faced my grinning friend. "And why are you grinning like that?"

She reached down and picked up a shopping bag that I had failed to notice before now. It plopped on my bed and she reached in and pulled out a black frilly skirt. She laid that out and then pulled out a bright blue cut off top to go with it.

"This is what you're wearing." I sort of gulped as my self confidence took a nose dive. There was no way that was going to look good on me.

"I'm not wearing that."

She gave me an intent look and I knew I would be wearing the outfit whether I liked it or not. "Oh yes you are. Now change into it so I can tell you how it looks."

I mumbled under my breath as I began to change out of my current attire and into the new clothes that would hopefully look alright for the concert tonight.

Today the guys were playing a special show over at Chain Reaction in Anaheim and they were insisting that I come and watch. Apparently the venue was having some sort of birthday celebration for it's first owner or something like that and the guys had been asked to play along with several other big bands.

It would be the first time I actually heard the guys live and I was pretty nervous about it. I still had yet to hear an album of theirs and they all seemed set on keeping it that way. I think they wanted to surprise me. Now whether that surprise would be good or bad I have no idea.

I turned and faced Val after I was changed and she gave me an excited smile. "Matt is going to have a hay day when he sees you." She snickered.

"Val! I'm not trying to impress Matt." I grumbled as I looked down to the short skirt. I was a bit worried about the skirt because it looked short to me. Maybe that was just because I wasn't used to wearing skirts though.

"Well I am trying for you. I mean not that you need it because he already drools over you every second you're around him anyway, but I want you to look extra sexy tonight." I felt myself blush and honestly thought that wasn't possibly going to happen.

"Val I don't want to start anything…" I trailed off knowing full well what could potentially happen if I dressed too provocatively.

"Chill babe. Matt's not like that. He may get a boner or something but he won't go overboard I promise." I threw one of my socks at her making her laugh. That's not what I wanted.

Or was it?

I had never impressed a guy like that before so maybe this would bring me some more self confidence. I doubted Matt even felt that way but I guess it wouldn’t hurt for me to feel pretty for a change. A boost would be nice.

"Val are you sure a skirt is the right attire for a rock concert?"

"Of course it is! You'll be watching with me from the side stage. So you're safe. None of the guys would ever let you near the pit on your first time. Trust me on that."

I sat on the edge of the bed while I let Val straighten my hair for me.

"I bet Brian wouldn’t mind." I mumbled hoping she wouldn’t hear me. but of course, Val has super hearing it seems because she caught it.

"Now why would you say that?" She asked with a frown.

"I don't know. I just don't think he likes me much. He's always saying something that gets to me. He just… isn't very nice to me." I finished in a soft tone.

"Oh hun. Brian is still adjusting to you being around. I promise he doesn’t hate you or anything. His issue is that he's not used to having to watch what he says around people. He's a perverted guy and everyone knows it. Just give him time. He'll come around. I promise."

I sighed hoping she was right. A knock came from the door and Val asked who it was. She had insisted I not see Matt until the show later. If it was him she would pitch a fit.

"It's me Val." Johnny's voice carried through the closed door. She told him to come in and he twisted the door knob open.

"Wow." He said as he entered and took a look at me.

"She's hot isn’t she?" Val grinned causing me to blush. Johnny shoved his hands into his pockets and looked from me to the ground and then back to me.

"You do Celeste. You look amazing." He told me sincerely as a small sheepish smile crossed over his lips.

"Thank you Johnny." I had to admit, he looked pretty good himself. He had on a grey t-shirt that had some weird design on it. His jeans were held up with a belt that had several chains hanging off of the side of it. His nose ring was in and his hair was in it's typical messy fashion.

"Were you just checking me out?" He chuckled making me choke.

"I wasn't checking you out. I was taking in your appearance. There's a difference." He rolled his eyes.

"Besides Johnny, she's only got eyes for Matt."

"Val!" I whined. "I do not have a thing for Matt." Both she and Johnny laughed at my protest.

"Oh come on Cels. It's so obvious." I threw my hair brush at Johnny forcing him to duck in order to avoid being hit in the head by it.

"Can we just go please?" I begged as I stood up since Val was finished with my hair. I bent over and picked up my converse. I vaguely heard a smacking sound and then heard Johnny yelp softly.

"Quit staring at her ass! That's Matt's job." Val hissed in his ear. He held his hands up and I squinted my eyes shut really hoping that hadn't just happened. I really had to try and remember I had a skirt on and not the jeans I was used to.

"I've gotta watch myself tonight I guess." I said as I turned and blushed knowing I had flashed Johnny accidentally.

"Or you could just flash everyone. We all know Matt would love it." Val elbowed Johnny in the ribs and he groaned as he bent over.

"Shut up you idiot." She told him.

"What? It's the truth. He's a guy. He wouldn’t mind a look at her ass."

"Can we just not talk about that please?" I asked gently but still with a hint of disappointment in my voice. I really didn't want to hear about Matt's desires. It ruined the image I had of him. I knew that he wasn't perfect and that he, like every other guy, loved the assets of a girl. I just didn't like to think about him liking my assets if that made any sense.

It didn't take us long to get to the venue once we finally left the house. It was getting out of the house that took forever. Johnny had to make sure that he had everything and Val was constantly telling me I needed something else.

"I really don't want to go in like this." I mumbled as we headed toward the back entrance. I hated not feeling like myself. This wasn't me, or the me I was used to anyway.

"Too bad." Val told me as she shoved me through the door. I blinked several times as I became aware of the hustle and bustle that was going on. It seemed like everyone was moving a million miles an hour. Johnny wrapped his arm around me shoulders to keep me from getting sucked off route by someone else and he directed me down a few hallways with Val ahead of us. I spotted a door that said Avenged Dressing Room on it and had some weird skull bat thing underneath the letters.

As we entered the room all eyes landed on us and I could only stare at the floor. Several of the guys whistled making me instantly blush. I glanced up and caught Lisa's eye. She was sitting beside Jimmy and he had his arm wrapped around her shoulder. She glanced away from me and then met my eyes once more. She sort of nodded her head to her left and then moved her eyes there hinting that I should glance in the direction.

My cheeks tightened on my face as I slowly shifted my gaze from her grinning one to my right where she had looked. I skipped over Brian and Zacky's shocked expressions and soon met Matt's. It was safe to say he looked speechless. His eyes were wide and his jaw was slightly slack as he looked me over. I gulped as I saw his eyes move over every inch of my body and I froze in place, unable to move.

I hated being gawked over. I never knew if the response was good or bad.

Someone cleared their throat nearby and Matt's gaze left my chest and snapped up to my eyes. He closed his mouth and gulped forcing his Adam's apple to move. He stood up from his sitting position and slowly walked over to me, his feet hitting the ground in thuds. He had on a pair of black jeans that were hanging on his hips by a black belt with some fancy belt buckle. His white shirt was one of Zacky's designs I had recognized except the sleeves had been cut off so they were frayed slightly. His mohawk was gelled up in full force and he had all of his piercings and gauges in.

He stopped a foot in front of me and reached out to gently place his hands on my hips. "You look gorgeous." His raspy voice told me gently. I felt a blush creep up onto my cheeks at his compliment and I was actually sort of thankful for it.

"Thank you Matt. You look pretty good yourself." He laughed a little and glanced down at the floor quickly.

"Dude! He's fucking blushing!"

"Shut the fuck up Zack." Matt hissed over at his friend.

He held his hands up defensively but still smiled at Matt's still slightly red face.

"Five minutes guys." Some guy said as he poked his head in through the door. They all answered in some sort of approval and then the head disappeared.

"Let's go get you girls situated on the side of the stage." Brian said as he stood up from the couch. I gulped as my eyes met his cautiously. He gave me a grin and a wink though so I politely smiled back. Maybe he wasn't as bad as he seemed. Matt took my hand gently in his and I followed him down some different hallways until we were nearing the stage. It was easy to tell because there were fans chanting their band name.

"Alright. So from here, you'll have the best seat in the house and we can still keep an eye on you guys." I nodded and took a spot between Lisa and Val who had Michelle on her other side. The girls all gave their guys kisses for good luck I suppose before they grabbed their instruments. Matt, Johnny and Zacky came over to me and stood there.

"Can we at least get hugs?" Johnny questioned on behalf of the three kiss deprived men. I smiled and nodded shyly. Johnny grinned and wrapped his arm tightly around me. I had grown used to having him hug me since we lived together. He was like a brother to me. Zacky was next and he carefully placed his arms around me while I wrapped mine around his neck. He was still taking some time to get used to but we were getting there. I could tell he was an alright guy.

He pulled away and flashed me a snake-bitten smile before letting Matt step up to the plate. I looked up shyly at him and he held his arms out for me to step into.

His were by far the most comforting to me. There was just something different about the way he held me. I breathed in as I rested my head on his chest and inhaled his scent. I was beginning to love his cologne. It was addicting to me and I could smell it all the time if I had the chance to.

I inwardly grinned as he leant down and placed a small tender kiss on my forehead. He released me from his arms and my empty feeling returned immediately. He stepped back and winked before turning to go onto stage to the screams of the crowd.

"I told you he liked you." Val told me.

"That was just a friendly kiss." I told them nonchalantly.

"Like hell it was. Matt doesn't hold every girl like that you know." Lisa told me firmly while Michelle nodded. I just blushed and averted my gaze back out to the stage where Matt was now singing his heart out for the fans.

Well this was certainly a different side of them I was getting to see. Zacky and Brian had never looked so happy to me before. I watched as they joked around while they played and even made faces at the people in the crowd. Johnny was happily standing beside Brian and would say something to him every now and then. Jimmy was zoned out as he played and I was mesmerized by the way he could twirl his drum sticks.

As for Matt, well, he just looked amazing. He could rile the crowd up in a matter of seconds and his voice just made me want to melt. He strutted around the stage with so much confidence that it was clear why he was the lead singer.

When it came to their music, it wasn't as bad as I had first thought. It was actually pretty catchy. I loved the guitars and was really fascinated with how fast both Brian and Zacky could play. The fast paced songs made up most of the set so far but I noticed they started slowing down until they got to a complete stop between songs.

"So are you all having fun tonight?" Matt asked to a roar from the crowd.

"Well that's fucking good because so are we. It's always fun to play a hometown show and this totally brings back memories to the first time we played here. We all got so drunk afterwards since we were so fucking happy about it." He chuckled into the mic and I couldn’t help but cringe at the thought of them being drunk. Lisa wrapped her arm around my shoulders and gave them a slight squeeze.

"Anyway, enough about us being drunk, this next song is for a girl that is pretty damn special to me." He glanced in our direction and caught my eye, giving me a wink.

"This song is called Dear God." He told the crowd.

It was almost as if my thoughts and emotions had stopped being under my control. I was speechless as he sang the song and all I could do was watch his every move. My surroundings disappeared completely and it was suddenly just me and Matt. His hazel eyes met mine and locked our gazes into an intense hold.

I felt my breathing hitch in my throat as his eyes began to roam my body for the second time tonight.

Suddenly it felt like I literally couldn't breathe. My hands flew to my chest and I broke my gaze with Matt to turn to Val when the song was over.

"I'm going to step outside for some air." I said in a hurried voice. I really was having trouble breathing.

"But you'll miss the last song." She whined but I was already off the stage and into the hallway. I made sure that the backstage pass was hanging around my neck and the security guard nodded to acknowledge that I was just going out and would be coming back in shortly.

I stepped out and walked a little ways down the back alley. I turned and leaned against the cool brick wall and slid down it until I was sitting on the ground. My head tilted back and I took in a big breath trying to relax and get my breathing back under control.

"Well, would you look who we have here. Don't you look like you need to be fucked." My head shot up and into the face of an unknown man. He sort of looked like the guys in the sense that he was creepy with lots of tattoos and weird hair. But his eyes told me he was nothing like the guys. They were dark and filled with lust. They were also slightly out of focus while meant that he was probably drunk. I had seen that look so many times that I could pick it out no problem. I gulped and placed my hands flat against the wall so I could stand back up.

"Hmmm you're a cute girl. I think I could have some fun with you. Your face is looking a bit desperate." I opened my mouth a few times trying to say something but nothing came out. I frantically looked around hoping to see someone that I could call to but as far as I could see it was just me and the creep. He advanced on me and put his arms on either side of me. I tried to bring my knee up but he was expecting that and caught my leg behind my knee.

"Ahhh you shouldn’t have tried that." He brought his head down on mine and pressed his lips onto my own to prevent my screams. Tears flooded my eyes as I began to relive one of my worst nightmares. Every time my eyes closed images of my father would flood across my eyes. His hands, the lust in his eyes, his actions haunted me. His hands were creeping under my skirt up toward my underwear when I heard a door slam open and Brian's voice filled the air.

"Celeste? Are you out here?" I bit the guys lip hard and let out a scream as he pulled back slightly.

"Celeste! Hey fucker what the hell do you think you're doing?!?" He screamed as he ran over. Brian grabbed the guy by the neck and threw him across the alley and I toppled to the floor in a mess. My legs gave way and I vaguely saw Brian beating the crap out of the guy before my head hit the ground and my vision started to blur. The door opened again and another body stepped out into the back alley.

"Fuck! Zacky get Matt!" I heard Brian yell before darkness consumed me and I sank further into the ground.