I Need Something More.

SOPHIA P.O.V

I woke up with a throbbing pain in my head and absolutely no recollection of how this happened. Did I hit my head or something, oh my god this kills! I groaned attempting to roll over to the dismay of my motion-sensitive brain. My eyes remained closed in full knowledge that the morning light shining predominantly through the room would burn my eyes. I leaned over searching for the body I grew accustom to being on my right, but with no such luck. Instead I felt an untouched surface with no trace of being disturbed throughout my slumber. At the touch of the plush fabric my eyes darted open as my hand continued to search while turning to the empty right. I sat up faster than I probably should have, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was the fact that Alex wasn’t beside me.

As I sat upright in my bed holding the thin layer of bed sheets to my chest I looked around my room to find everything intact. My heart drop into my stomach as my mind started to wonder why Alex was not here. I bit down on my lip, mentally cursing at myself for being so stupid. How could I have possibly thought Alex would come back to me, he was probably with Jenna. I mean, it’s not like he’s my boyfriend or anything, he could be with whom ever he pleases. I frown at the thought and fell back into bed feeling not only sick, but something else. There was an overwhelming stinging sensation in my chest, burning my heart.

It took all of twenty minutes to carefully extract myself from the comfort of my bed as the lightheaded feeling and pounding in my brain hindered my every move. I didn’t care that I was strutting around in nothing but my black boy shorts, a bra and a loose grey tank top- it’s not like there was anyone else here. I held the railing carefully as I descended the stairs connecting my room to the den to put on a fresh pot of much needed coffee before I would proceed to do anything else. I reached the last step taking note of my skirt from last night, along with my top, cardigan, black pumps and a pair of pj shorts littering the floor. What happened last night? I thought to myself as I stretched, yawning as I turned the corner towards the kitchen. I stopped dead in my tracks as the kitchen came into view.

He stood there perched over the stove, his back towards me as he seemed to be preparing breakfast. His hair was a tangled mess, and he was sporting the same clothes as last night. Alex, I instantly smiled at the sight of him. He had come home.

He turned around as if on cue and smiled bashfully before bowing his down serving the scrambled eggs and french toast onto the plates. “Morning. I-umm, I was going to bring you breakfast.”

“Good morning Alex.” I smiled reaching the island. Sitting on the bar chair. “What time did you come home? I don’t think I heard you come in.”

“You don’t remember?” He cocked his eyebrow as he set the plates on the counter before pulling up a bar stool across from me at the island.

“Umm, sorry no. And this migraine isn’t helping...” I trailed off holding my head.

“Oh... ugh, here some coffee might help your hang--headache.” He said pouring me a cup. “You don’t remember anything from last night?”

“Well after coming home last night, I don’t remember anything. I don’t even remember how my clothes ended up on the floor--” I stopped mid sentence. “Oh my god!”

My face turned red within an instant as I remembered I was hardly wearing any clothing and I jumped off the bar stool. “Don’t look!” I shrieked at Alex who had a worried yet confused expression on his face.

“What’s wrong?”

“Close your eyes!” I squealed again, heat rushing to my face faster than it ever had.

Alex obliged as he continued to question my irrational behavior. “Love, are you okay?”

“Yes. Just mortified that’s all.” I mumbled as I pulled on the scattered pieces of clothing that littered the floor. I tied the draw string of my pajama shorts and buttoned a few buttons of my oversized cardigan that lied on the floor seconds ago. Despite the feeling of my brain pounding against my skull with each move, I re-dressed as quickly as possible attempting to regain my dignity.

“Love?” Alex called again, his hands covering his eyes.

“Okay you can look now.” I mumbled chewing on my lip. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay but what was wrong.”

“I- umm, I thought. Alone. You weren’t. And I was here. So it didn’t matter...” I jumbled my incoherent thoughts before finally spitting it out.

“My clothes were on the floor instead of me...” I confessed lowly, hoping he didn’t hear me. “I don’t even remember how that happened...”

“Oh,” He sighed, as if he was relieved. If it weren’t for my pounding head ache from hell, I would have paid more attention to it.

I held my head delicately as I sipped on my coffee to the sound of silence. Alex and I hadn’t been this awkward before and I wondered if it was because he knew I had a killer head ache or if I had offended him by strutting in with nothing but my undies on. As we ate breakfast in silence I stole a few glances at Alex to find his gaze was focused on his meal like it was the most intricate french toast and scrambled eggs he had ever seen. I tried to ignore the tension but our meal was practically done, and still not a word was said. I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Alex,” My voice barely above a whisper. “Are you mad at me?”

At this his head snapped up from his gaze which was once fixated on his plate. His brows were furrowed as he finally looked at me, for what was possibly the first time this morning. “What?-- Of course not, love. Why would you think that?”

“You won’t look at me, and you’ve been really quite this morning. Did, umm. Did something happen last night?” At this his eyes averted away from my own. My heart sank from the gesture. He didn’t need to say anything, that alone told me everything.

“Was it with Jenna?” I was afraid to ask, but it was killing me. At any chance she could just strut back into Alex’s life, taking him away from me. I knew it was a selfish thought to think that I could keep Alex all to myself despite the fact that we are not a couple, but I just kinda...hoped.

Alex gave me a blank stare before averting his eyes back to his plate. He shifted uncomfortably as he began to open his mouth just to close it again a second later. He did this a few more times each time heightening my paranoia. Although I’ve only known Alex for a few months now, we’ve had no problem when it came to opening up until now. And the fact that Jenna seemed to be involved in his sudden behaviour did not make me feel any better.

“I’m sorry for being pushy- that was rude of me.” I apologized, placing my hand across the table and on top of his reassuringly. “You don’t have to tell me, really, it’s okay.”

He lifted his head to look at me once more as I noted his softened gaze. He proceeded to enlaced our fingers before taking a second to speak. “It’s okay Soph. And it doesn’t really have to do with Jenna- I just don’t want to talk about it. I’ll tell you eventually, okay? ...I just hope you don’t hate me for what I did.” Despite not catching the last part since he mumbled under his breath, I nodded. His thumb began to trace shapes into my palm. Our fingers still enlaced.

----------

“Okay, you can use the shower now Alex!” I called from the stairs holding my towel as tight as possible to my body. My hair dripped onto my refreshed skin as I waited for Alex to ascend the stair and disappear into my bathroom. He came up the steps with his towel and clothes in hand. At my unorthodox appearance he raised an eyebrow.

“Ermm-- I guess I’ll knock before coming out incase you’re still changing?” He stated more than asked as he disappeared into my bathroom. I nodded though I knew he couldn’t see.

Once I heard the shower go on, I kicked off the wall I was leaning against and proceeding to find something to wear. I pulled on a pair of underwear and a strapless bra underneath my towel.

“Why won’t he just talk to me?” I grunted as I sifted through my closet looking for something to wear. I just want to help, but he won’t let me in. Did I do something wrong? Maybe he thinks he can’t trust me anymore since I left last night. My thought kept spiraling down into all this being my fault as I pulled out an outfit. I pulled on a blue waist high skirt that hit just above mid-thigh along with a loose cream coloured lacy tank top as I groaned in frustration once again. I guess I’ll have to figure out some way of making it up to him- after all he’s been taking care of me these past couple of days, and been perfect him. I owed him.

After putting on a quick layer of mascara over my lashes, I messed with my hair in my mirror trying to hide the strange bruise I found just above my collarbone. I wasn’t entirely sure how that happened but didn’t pay much mind to it. My hair sat in natural waves and I decided to leave it that way. I put on a familiar charm bracelet I haven’t stopped wearing since I received it over a month ago. I played with each shiny trinket as I heard a knock from the bathroom door open.

“Come in.” I called quietly as I continued to marvel at the piece of jewelry adorning my left wrist.

I tilted my head back to look over my shoulder. Alex walked out with his hair was still a bit damp while sporting a pair of white board shorts and a purple t-shirt with a large pink pig with wings in the middle.

“You look, nice.” He said a bit stiffly as he stepped cautiously closer.

“Come here.” I smiled patting the space on my left on the bed I was sitting along the edge of. He obliged but kept a fair distance from me. I tried to mask my disappointment with a smile and place my hand in his, hoping to ease him slightly.

“Thank you.” I breathed earning a disheveled look from Alex.

“For what?”

“Everything.” I started as I played with his hand in mine. “For coming back for me. For taking care of me when I was sick. For everything you know?”

“Right, well. You’re welcome.” He smiled bashfully looking down at our intertwined hands continuing lowly. “I’d do anything for you Soph.”

A smile perked onto my lips as I leaned in cautiously hoping I wouldn’t invade his new found personal space. He didn’t pull away or anything of that sort giving me permission to move closer. I placed a kiss on his cheek before resting my head on his shoulder. “You’re too good to me.”

“Only because you deserve nothing less, love.”

“I love you, Alex.” I mumbled into his neck.

“I love you too Soph.” He finished tilting his head to the right to kiss my forehead. I let out a breath as if all my worries disappeared with it, Alex may not love me in the way I desperately wanted him to, but he loved me nonetheless which is all I could really ask for.

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ALEX P.O.V:

“SOAPIE!” Jack squealed practically tackling her and squeezing the life out her in a bone crushing hug.

“Ja-Jack!” She breathed out regaining air once Jack finally set her down.

“Soapie, we’ve missed you.” He pouted like a child pulling her into the living room where everyone seemed to be lounging for the night.

After getting ready this morning Sophia and I went to the farmers market buying some groceries as well as lunch. She, being the epitome of perfection that she is, almost backhanded me when I opted to take a cab back to Butch’s studio once we arrived at her condo after lunch. She refused to let me take a cab there and said she’d drive me. I tried to convince her it’d be inconvenient for her, but she was set on driving me back. It’s not that I didn’t enjoy Soph’s company or anything ridiculous that she mentioned. I felt guilty to be around her. All day I had been backing away from her, not looking at her, hardly talking to her- basically avoiding her, all because of my stunt last night.

Soph was constantly apologizing and coming up with the most elaborate reasons why she thinks me acting strange was her fault. I shot down each absurd conclusion of hers but never telling her exactly what was wrong, lying by omission I believe its called. Being the pussy shit that I am I didn’t have the balls to tell her. I mean, if I were to tell her, what would I say? Hey Soph, by the way, last night you got piss ass wasted so I took the opportunity to take advantage of you. But don’t worry I managed to stop groping and kissing you everywhere before we had the chance to have sex, its not big though. I could almost envision the force of her seemingly dainty wrist slapping me across the face before calling me a slew of names bordering the lines of douchebag and fucking pervert but in the most eloquent way, of course. No, I couldn’t tell her, she’d never talk to me again- worst of all, she’d hate me.

I am such an asshole.

I kicked the imaginary dirt off the floor as I closed the front door and joining everyone in the living room.

“I missed you sweetheart!” I saw Sophia pick up an extraordinarily happy Hannah and placing platonic kisses on her cheeks as she balanced Han on her hip.

“Sophie!” Hannah squealed, equally if not more happy than Sophia to see her. “Sophie, how long is you staying?”

“Not long sweetheart.” Sophia replied, a frown plaguing her flawless face. “I have to go back tonight.”

Everyone watched as Hannah’s lips started to pull into a tight frown, before the frown began to quiver. Sophia looked panicked but rubbed Hannah’s back in attempts to calm her before any tears could be shed. Hannah hugged Sophia’s neck and mumbled into her neck, “I don’t like when you go.”

“I don’t like going either sweetie, but I’m here now, so let’s go play.” Sophia smiled, earning one in return from Hannah. “What do you want to do?”

“Ummm,” Hannah began thoughtfully before snapping up with her conclusion. “I want to play with Sebastian on the beach again!”

Sophia looked around the room until her eyes landed on me, seeking approval. I merely nodded in response and watched Hannah jump down to find Sebastian with Sophia not far behind. I shamelessly eyed Sophia’s short skirt until she exited the room.

This girl had me running in circles. She made me feel guilty for last night without knowing it ever happened, and a second later I wanted nothing more than to be that close to her again. To be able to tasting her skin, leave trails of kisses all over her body and having her all to myself. My thoughts were interrupted by Jack being an obnoxious douchebag.

“Sooooo.”

“What?” I barked after being my unholy thoughts of Sophia were interrupted.

“We all saw man.” Rian smirked.

“Saw wha--”

“Dude, don’t play dumb.” Jack cut in.

“I’m not asshole. Saw what?”

“The big ass hickey on her neck.” Zack blurted bluntly. “It was hard to miss man.”

Oh shit. I thought instantly remembering the instant I found the sweet spot on her neck. I hadn’t noticed before since she had her hair covering it all day.

“You finally made a move!” Jack squealed.

“So are you two going out now?” Rian cut in. Questions being fired off by each of the guys ranging from when and how, to Jack’s classic ‘did you fuck her?’ question.

“No.” I replied flatly to most the questions, before being fed up and telling them all to shut the fuck up.

“Well tell us dude, you can’t just leave for three days to be alone with Sophia, come back with her- and not to mention her big ass hickey and expect us not to ask questions.” Rian reasoned. Him being most likely the only sane one.

“I don’t have to tell you assholes anything.” I barked. “But maybe when Sophia isn’t steps away- like when she leaves, I’ll tell you.”

“Why, she was there man. Why all the secrecy?” Zack commented.

“Just, because. Okay?” I sighed, frustrated with all the questions. This was worst than those rapid fire buzznet questions.

“Dude, what happened?” Jack’s face now serious. He wasn’t usually like this, so when he is, you know he means it.

I thought for a moment, trying to find the right words. I mean, how do I say this to shut them up until Sophia leaves. If she hears this, she’d hate me. Plain and simple. “She was drunk, and things got out of hand.--”

“You slept with her, did you!” Jack barked. “And she doesn’t even remember, does she?!”

His face was red, and he looked like he was about to explode. I know that Jack and Sophia had become close ever since we all met but I didn’t think he would be that protective of her. I mean, he didn’t care as much with all the girls in high school I drunkenly slept with and he was friends with more than half of them.

“You’re such a fucking asshole Alex!” He stormed out heading towards the stairs.

“Not cool man, not cool.” Zack added, his curly hair bouncing as he shook his head.

“I didn’t sleep with her-- I mean I did but not like that.” I defended my words jumbled as I tried to figure out how to say what I wanted to say. “I didn’t have sex with her.”

“Then you need to explain right now. Before Jack goes ape shit.”

“See, this is exactly why I didn’t want to say anything!” I lashed out before taking a deep breath. “It’s a long story.”

“Well,” Rian started as he peered out the window. “The girls are still on the beach, so I think you’ve got time.”

I explained the story from the only beginning I could think of, diner at Beso. I told them how Jenna fucking appeared out of no where being the high and mighty bitch she’s always been- and mentioning the relationship between her and Evan. I continued with the story trying to retell it as quickly as possible hoping I’d finish explaining myself before Sophia came back from the beach below with Hannah.

“So I got back to her condo, and she was wasted. Not like a little hammered, but completely off her ass. She took off her clothes and was parading around in basically her underwear.”

At this I the guys were completely silent. They’re mouthes practically on the floor from the shock as I continued the story.

“So the next thing I know she comes onto me, pressing herself against me kissing my neck. I couldn’t take it anymore, she was basically teasing me all night! So I picked her up and took her to her room. We didn’t go any further than that, hell I didn’t even really kiss her. I stopped before I did, and she passed out not long after.”

“So you didn’t kiss her, kiss her, but you gave her a hickey?” Matt questioned like it was the hardest calculus problem he’s ever heard in his life.

I sent him a nasty glare, signaling a yes- hoping to shut him up. “Now can you guys get off my back. It’s not that I don’t feel bad enough, I don’t need you guys making me feel like shit more than I already do.”

The guys stayed quiet complying with my request.

“You’ve got balls man. I don’t know if I would have stopped.” Zack admitted standing up.

“Don’t worry, Jack will come around once he hears what happened.” Zack finished giving me a fist pound before leaving the room.

“I guess I’ll go talk to him.” Matt said, following Zack of the room leaving me with Rian.

We sat there quietly as my guilt continued to eat away at me. I dropped onto the couch sinking in as low as I felt. After re-living the story I felt worst than I did before. I had more control over this situation than thought before. I am such an ass.

“You okay man?” Rian spoke first. “With the whole Jenna thing I mean.”

“No.” I responded flatly, sighing as I recalled her intent to see Hannah again. “Bitch wants to see Hannah.”

“What?!”

“I know! She said Hannah’s her daughter too, so she has a right.”

“You told her to fuck off right?”

“Duh! Like she’s getting anywhere near Hannah after all the shit pulled.”

Another silence came over us both, the same scenarios probably running through our minds. Most, in my mind anyways, dealing with Jenna and a court order for sole custody of Hannah. Rian and I continued to sit there until our thoughts were interrupted again.

“You fucking tell her!” Jack called again, Matt no where to be found. “I tried to calm down up there, you know rationalize as to why you won’t fucking tell her. I tried to come up with a good reason to trust you know what you’re doing, that you’re trying to protect her or something, and you know what I came up with?”

Jack paused for a second, his anger just as it was before. “You’re a fucking pussy!”

“Jack shut the fuck up, you don’t know what happened.”

“Rian, you’re defending him?! I thought you were better than that man. Alex needs to own up to what he did, how he took advantage of poor Sophia.”

“I didn’t do what you think I did, I swear!”

“Stop making excuses, man. Own up to what you did and tell her. Tell her, or I will.”

“Jack, don’t.” Rian warned.

“Dude, its not what you think! You don’t even know what happened!” I yelled back in complete frustration with Jack since he kept assuming the worst in me.

“Come on Alex! This is like high school all over again! You get the girl of the night drunk so she can’t think straight when you take her up to a room and fuck her! In this case, she probably blacked out and forgot everything in the morning, right? I know you man, I know how you operate. I was just hoping you were better than that, at least with Sophia. I thought you really did love her.”

“I do!”

“Then tell her man, Sophia deserves to know.” Jack said, finally calming down.

And as if things could get any worst, they did.

“I deserve to know what?” Sophia asked turning the corner.