Just Hate Me and We'll End It Here

Bailey

Oh. My…. Oh dear. Oh crap. Oh holy freaking crap.

My mouth goes dry as Alex inches off, glancing at the guy who’s staring at us. My heart hammers- in fear? Confusion? Or… no, I can’t say that word. Never, no. I swallow hard, realizing what just happened.

I… oh wow… I not only kissed, but I just made out with Alex.

And I liked it.

Part of me is saying to go puke, but another part… I shake my head, trying to clear it. But it’s not helping. What do I do now, though? Does this change things, I wonder? Or- can I possibly keep everything just as it was. As it should be, really. Yeah- because it has to stay that way. Back to normal and everything. I’m done getting hurt, after all. I’ve told Missy and everything…

“Bailey?”

I jump, blinking. “Oh, oh, right,” I stammer and follow Alex off, refusing his offered hand. We get out of the way and back to the public walkway in silence. Reaching the crowd, we just stop, staring at the ground.

“Oh, uh- sorry about… you know… making you go on the ride,” he offers. I just nod. “So, um- well, about that…”

“What about what?” I look up, sticking my chin out. Then I take a deep breath. “Nothing happened. Nada. Got it?”

“But- I know you felt something, come on, Bailey,” he starts to argue.

“No I didn’t,” I say. I lie. I deny it all. “It was- it was nothing,” I repeat. “Just… caught up in the moment. Nothing else. Kay? Now what time is it? Shouldn’t we be meeting everyone soon?”

He checks his watch and sighs. “Yeah, I guess so. Come on, it’s this way.” He starts forward, not looking back- he’s obviously hurt.

I bite my tongue and begin trailing after him, shuffling my feet. Why are these stupid feelings staying around? He’s making me feel guilty now, the git. Is it really my fault? I wonder. But after a while, it’s completely obvious that it is my fault. He- Alex has just been trying to be nice. And what have I done? Not only have I denied it all, hating to accept it, but… I groan, running a hand through my hair. Can’t he just understand that this is who I am? I want to shake and scream at him. So what, he doesn’t like who I really am, and he’s trying to change me. But- it’s impossible. After all that I’ve been through? He wouldn’t understand- it’s impossible for anyone to understand all the terrible things that have occurred in my past.

Saying that to myself, it almost takes away the guilt I’m carrying.

Eventually we find everyone and we get in line for our treat of the evening. They don’t have much, so I just get Oreo ice cream in a cone. The seating gets mixed up as no one seems to care about whom to sit with, and I’m sitting on an end with Missy on my side and Rian across from me.

The guy ignores me while Missy asks how my time went. I just shrug, and let her go in happily how her evening has gone. Apparently, they spent half their time on the most thrilling rides, and the other half on slow rides and making out.

“I’ll be back- restroom,” I mutter to Missy and get up from the group, leaving.

When I step out, though, suddenly a ton of flashing goes off. Blinking, I realize it’s paparazzi. At a carnival? I step back, confused and apprehensive as they start yelling questions at me.

“Are you really married to Alex Gaskarth?”

“Are you tearing him out of the band?”

“What’s your name?”

“Hey! Look this way!”