My Thoughts You Can't Decode

California was just as I had remembered it being. A little hotter, but less humid than Tennessee.

I already missed Brandon terribly, as if our goodbye makeout session at the gates of the airport wasn't enough. I would load the bus, then call him as soon as it started rolling.

I pulled out my phone to punch in his number, but unfortunately, Josh saw me and began the teasing marathon.

"Aww, Hayley can't go five hours without talking to Brandon!" he squealed.

Zac came up behind me and playfully poked me. "Smoochie smoochie!"

"Lick it," I mumbled with an eye roll.

The boys burst into hysterics and slapped each other like the monkeys they remind me of.

"Okay, okay, we need to load the bus!" I announced. I grabbed my luggage and an amp and began to walk to the bus. The grunts behind me reassured me that we might actually be on time to check in this year.

Almost twenty minutes later, the bus began to pull away from the airport. Time to hit "call."

But of course I got the machine.

"Hey babe, it's me. We're on the bus and headed to check in with Kevin. Call me back. I love you. Bye."

Well this pretty much sucked.

"Taylor, pop in some music will ya?" I called out.

"You read my mind," he replied.

I waited until the familiar opening strums of the Warped 2008 compilation filled the bus. I drummed my fingers to Story of the Year and checked my phone for missed calls. Nope. Nothing at all.

I pulled out my laptop and logged onto MySpace. A few app invites and a picture comment, but nothing else. I blew air through my lips until my bangs flew up. Loneliness was a terrible feeling.

What was I to do for a whole summer? No Brandon here to hold me. He was my whole life. I needed a hobby.

I pretended to have fun with my bandmates and go through my usual dance moves during the ride. The tenth song stopped and I caught my breath in the space between songs.

Then, the breath I had just taken was knocked out of me.

"Will you send me a sign to show me you're up there?" Taylor sang..loudly.

My sign? Running to the bathroom and landing on the porcelain. The music stopped and Jeremy's footsteps sprinted towards me. He soaked a rag at the sink and handed it to me.

"Still not over him, huh?" he whispered.

I took the rag and wiped my face and mouth.

"I was, until I heard him playing," I gasped.

He stroked my hair out of my face and promised to keep this our secret before yelling to change the CD to Disc 2.

"You gonna be okay?" he asked.

"Yeah. Just let me get cleaned up. Give me a minute."

Jeremy nodded and walked out to dance to Angels and Airwaves.

My reflection showed a tangled mess of fiery hair, smeared color on my lips, watery green eyes, and wrinkled clothes. I scrubbed my face and brushed my hair, then applied a smidgen of makeup to my worn out face. I changed out of my dirty white t-shirt and tattered jeans and into a black t-shirt covered in sequins I glued on myself and olive green shorts. I looked at least a little cleaned up.

Taking a shaky breath, I went out to where Zac, Josh, Jeremy, and Taylor were partying it up. Jeremy caught my eye and nodded, and I offered a weak smile.

"Come on Hayley!" Zac yelled over the beat. "You love Cobra Starship!"

I wiggled my hips to keep them satisfied, all the while worrying what the summer had in store for me...