You're Just In Time

“Logan please hunny stop crying.” I tried my best to soothe my son but nothing was working, he wasn’t taking milk, he didn’t need to be burped he wasn’t wet or dirty. I just did not know what was wrong with him, it had been almost twenty minutes now and nothing could seem to calm him down.

“Logan please I can’t deal with this right now!” I screamed then gasped and set my baby down. I had just shouted at my four month old child. I knew it had gone too far now and
I needed to get help before I went even more mad. I would never hit my son I know I wouldn’t but I knew it had gone too far now, I reluctantly picked up the phone and called the one person I thought could help me, my fiancée, he picked up after five rings.

“Heya hunny what’s up?” Alex asked and as soon as I heard his voice I broke down, the tears just would not stop. I had been holding this in for four weeks now and was relieved to get it all out but ashamed I was falling in part in front of Alex.

“What’s wrong hun come on calm down, has something happened? Is it Logan is he ok?” I just cried a little more and listened to Alex’s attempts at soothing me. Soon enough I found enough composure to be able to speak.

“I...I’m really sorry Alex but I can’t do this on my own, I’ve not been coping well at all and I’m at breaking point now and I’m afraid I’ve let you down I am so, so sorry,” I spilled out the truth and felt a little better I wasn’t bottling everything up anymore but was ashamed that I couldn’t even look after my own child.

“What are you talking about babe? You’ve said you’ve been fine.”

“I lied ok! I was kidding myself.” I sighed and felt so ashamed and disappointed in myself.

“Ok just calm down ok. This would be so much easier if I wasn’t over the other side of the country. Ok where is Logan now?”

“In his Moses basket crying, can’t you hear him Alex? I’ve tried everything he won’t stop and I have so much to do around the house but Logan won’t go to sleep I don’t know what to do Alex.”

“Here’s what we are going to do. You are going to call my parents and get them to pick Logan up, while you are waiting for them to come you pack for him to spend a week there and you are coming here for a week so I can keep an eye on you.”

“I don’t need someone to keep an eye on me Alex I need you here with me helping me. We can’t just both leave our son!” I screamed down the phone at him frustrated.

“I know you’re stressed and upset but there is no need to take it out on me Louisa. I’m going to go and you are going to take Logan to my parents for a couple of hours while you catch up on work and I will sort something out in the meantime.”

“I’m sorry I’m such a bad mum.” My mood changed from anger to sadness, I felt like I was pregnant again with the constant mood swings.

“You’re not you’re just new at this. You are a fantastic mum ok and I love you don’t forget that.” Before I could say anything else the dial tone filled my ears. I sighed and got Logan’s bag ready to drop him off at his grandparent’s house. I felt like such a failure to my fiancée and too my son.