Excuse The Obscene

Heat. Sweat. Friction. Rhythm. Hot. Hard. Biting. Devouring. Groans. Screams.
It had been a long night filled with mind blowing climaxes before sleep finally took over.

I woke up the next morning feeling insanely sated. In a lethargic state somewhere between sleep and consciousness, I cuddled closer to Zacky. His strong, tattooed arms wrapping around me felt right. The moment felt right.

And then the lethargy wore off. The fogginess of sleep faded away and I looked down at my body entwined with Zacky’s. This was not right. This was everything I had been trying to avoid.

“Jesus fucking Christ” I muttered lowly to myself.

I went from feeling sated to feeling regretful. The regret quickly faded away and was replaced by anger towards Zacky. That to faded quickly and suddenly I felt pissed at myself.

How the fuck had we ended up like this?

It didn’t take long from my mind to recall the events of last night. The yelling. The hitting. The unbelievably, incredible sex.

I slipped out of Zacky’s arms and untangled our legs before climbing out of the bed. I gathered my discarded clothes as quickly as I could and threw them on before running from the room. Thankfully, I made it to my room without encountering any of the guys on the way.

Without really thinking about it, I threw on a pair of shoes and a light jacket before grabbing my car keys and racing out of the house.

I spent the entire ride to Val and Matt’s place berating myself. Ever since returning to Huntington I had been fighting this sexual tension with Zacky. And with good reason too. I can’t let myself fall back in love with him. But my body is nothing but a traitor because no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t erase the images of last night. Of Zacky and I rolling and groaning in bed together. In his bed. A place where I had convinced myself I didn’t belong.

But last night, before the sex, had been something else entirely.

I was so concentrated on my thoughts, I hardly realized when I had pulled onto Val’s street. Attempting to pull myself together, I parked the car and jogged up the steps to Val’s front door. After a few rings of the doorbell, the door flew open to reveal Val wearing nothing but short shorts and a barely there bra.

“I slept with Zacky.” I blurted out quickly.

I took a deep breath and felt my body relax a little. At least it was off my chest.

Val’s face went from tired to shocked and finally settled with a smirk.

“Don’t give me that look.”

“What? The look that says ‘I fucking knew it would happen’. Would I do such a thing?” Val asked in an off putting, innocent voice.

“Wait a minute.” Val paused for a second and the smirk on her face was replaced with a questioning look. “If you slept with Zacky last night, what are you doing here right now?”

I just glared at Val and waited.

“No Toni, you didn’t. You did not. Shit, you didn’t really sneak out in the morning. What did you think this was, a one night stand?!” Val waved her hands around in what would have been an intimidating manner if it weren’t for the fact that she was hardly dressed.

“Will you go put some clothes on so we can go to lunch and talk about this.” I growled, my emotions still jumpy from everything that had happened last night.

Val made various groans and huffs at me before spinning on her heel and marching up the stairs in her short shorts. I leaned against the door frame and waited. The silence left to much room for my jumbled thoughts to become over active again. By the time Val made it back down the stairs I was almost in another state of hysterics about what to do now.

I climbed back into the driver’s seat and waited for Val to get in before speeding down the street.

“What the fuck was I thinking?!” I practically shouted, more at myself than at Val.

“It was going to happen eventually. The question was what were you thinking when you snuck off this morning.”

“Do you have any idea how I feel right now?!” I turned my head away from the road to glare at Val yet again.

“Do you have any idea how Zacky feels?” She shot back.

“I turned my attention back to the road and muttered, “pick a side.”

“His.”

I looked over to catch Val’s smirk back in place.

“This isn’t funny.”

“Stop being melodramatic. Just talk to him. I don’t understand what the problem is.”

I hated to admit it but Val had a point. I didn’t know what the problem was but I knew there was most definitely a problem.

“I can’t do this again, Val. I fucking can’t.”

“That isn’t true and you know it. You want him. You want to be with him. You‘re just to afraid to admit to yourself, let alone Zacky. So stop being a pussy.”

I gave a short, humorless laugh. Only Val would end a talk that way.

“I’m not afraid of this. I can’t remember the last time I was afraid of anything.”

“You might not be afraid of taking bullets but you’re definitely afraid of this.”

I ignored Val for a moment and instead focused on driving. Too caught up in my thoughts, I didn’t notice that I was going miles above the speed limit. I did, however, notice when a cop car followed after me, signaling me to stop.

“Fucking hell!” I shouted to no one in particular. And then continued on letting loose a stream of profanities just because it felt good.

I slowed the car down and waited for the officer to catch up. A speeding ticket was exactly what I need to brighten up my day.

My rearview mirror showed a rather tall but lean officer strutting over to my car. Some woman like a man in uniform. I, for one, do not see the appeal. I’d rather my man with 9 mm gun and a slight sadistic side. But come to think of it, that is what had gotten me to this place in my life so maybe it’s time for a change.

A light tap on my window pulled me from my thoughts. I rolled the window down and the cop bent over to look into the car.

“Miss, you were-” the cop started to speak but stopped suddenly and seemed to be looking past me.

I followed his gaze to Val who sat there with one eyebrow raised and a look of annoyance on her face. I looked between the cop and Val as the cop looked from Val to me.

“What the fuck is going on?” I asked after a sew seconds of unexplained silence.

“Just so you know, Zacky will be extremely pissed if you give her a ticket.” Val said, that look of mild annoyance still on her face. Kind of like the look a person might give a fly buzzing beside there ear.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t recognize the plates. Is this a new-”

“It’s fine, just leave.” Val said, giving a wave and waiting for the officer to step back.

“Sorry miss.” The cop looked to me again before walking back to his car.

I sat in silence for a few minutes before turning to look at Val.

“What the hell just happened?” I asked, still a little baffled at the turn of events.

“Zacky’s range stretched a little since you’ve been gone. He owns a few cops over at the precinct. Those cops own a few other cops. Either way, it’s all business.”

I looked behind me at the cop car and then back at Val again.

“Zacky put cops on his payroll?” I asked.

“More or less.”

“So the fuckers frame me and ruin my life and he starts paying them? How fucking charming.”

“That’s one, really negative, way to look at it.” Val says as I start the car again. “Or you could look at it as, he wanted to make sure that nothing like that ever happened again. Overall, it was a great business move. Don’t take it personal. He beat the shit out the cops that pulled that shit with you. No worries there.”

“Like I said. Charming.” I was being sarcastic but the fact that those assholes got a good beating was oddly reassuring for me.

Val spent our entire time at lunch trying to convince me that I needed to ‘get the fuck over’ myself and go back to Zacky. I spent the entire time just trying to get my thoughts under control.

Just 24 hours ago, I knew exactly where I stood with Zacky. It was a path that I would refuse to go down again. But he had to change everything. 24 hours ago, Zacky and I had no closure. Things had ended on awful not and started up again on the same bad note. But last night felt like closure on the pain that he had caused me. Because of last night I knew I forgave Zacky, even though I absolutely did not want to. But forgiveness wasn’t going to be enough for me to jump back into bed with him. Again. Flying head first into another reckless relationship with him is not what I need.

“Val, just stop.” I said cutting off her rambling. “Just because you and Matt are the epitome of the perfect relationship doesn’t mean that’s what’s in store for Zacky and I.”

“Not that you’d know, considering you won’t even try.”

“I did try. And that ended with a bloody face.”

“You need to stop clinging to the past! Don’t get me wrong. What he did was beyond terrible. But he can’t possibly be any more sorry. He’d turn the entire fucking world upside down to get you to forgive him.”

“I already have.” I replied without thinking. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to forget.”

“Well if you’ve forgiven him than you can stop holding it against him. And if you’ve forgiven him what is standing in your way?” Val asked.

“Oh, I don’t know.” I said sarcastically. “The fact that I just don’t want to be with him. Why is that so hard for you to get?”

“Because I know you and I know that you’re lying to yourself. But if that’s what you want then fine, I’m done trying to save you from your own fucked up mistakes. Let’s get the check and go yeah?”

I rolled my eyes and signaled for the waiter.

On the way back to the car, I thought about just how close to rock bottom I was getting. Drew was leaving, Val was pissed at me, and Zacky had entered a whole new stratosphere of complicated.