Excuse The Obscene

We’ve all done it before. We’ve all played that game of denial with ourselves. We’ve all had that one person that would not leave your fucking mind no matter how hard you tried to fight it and we’ve all used other people in our games of denial. At the time it always seem so logical; if you want to forget about that one person, drown yourself in other people. And that’s exactly what I intended to do about Zacky. If I couldn’t kill my feelings for him then I would just have to replace him. If the feelings won’t die then I could at least try to distract myself with someone else.

“You’re going to get someone killed.”

That was Val’s response when I told her about my frustrations and need to find someone. According to her, it’s like lighting a match in a gasoline filled room. There was no way in hell that Zacky would sit idly by and let me go out with other guys. Val spent hours trying to shove these thoughts into my head. By the end she’d finally conceded defeat and instead settled for telling me not to do anything that she deemed ‘stupid’.

Despite Val’s talk, I was not going to be swayed away from my decision. What I did with my personal life was no business of Zacky’s or any of the other guys. I was going to find another guy to take the edge off. I wanted someone that could make me forget Zacky. And I’ve got a bad habit of fighting until I get what I want.

But Zacky wasn’t giving up on playing these games. The harder he played the stronger my need to find someone else became. My normal standards got tossed out the proverbial window. Guys who’s advances I would normally ignore became fair game. Suddenly I found myself arranging dates with the most unlikely strangers. But it didn’t matter how hard I tried because the guys were always there to ruin it. My personal life might not be their business but the guys sure were going out of their way to make it their business.

Damon, a construction worker I’d met on a coffee run, had been scared off by Brian who had answered the door before I could get there. Tyson, a tattoo artist I had met on my way to lunch with Val, made it all the way to the lounge before meeting Jimmy and consequently leaving. Isaac, a musician I had met filling up at the gas station, had the unfortunate luck of running into Matt in the driveway; he didn’t make it to the front door.

None of this stopped me from trying. In fact I considered my luck to be going fairly well since none of the guys had encountered Zacky yet. Thank God for the small things.

Tonight was another guy, and another chance to try to forget Zacky. His name was Ian and I was beyond caring what he did for a living; I just need a distraction. I found myself speeding back home at around 7 p.m. Zacky had sent me on an easy run to drop some shit off for him and now I had to rush back to Huntington in time for my 9 o’clock date with Ian. Since Val had filled me in on Zacky owning cops I stopped worrying about following the rules of the road. I was running red lights all over the place and driving way above the speed limit. I reached Zacky’s place in what had to be record time.

Ignoring Jimmy’s greeting, I sprinted up the stairs and to my room. I quickly changed into a pair of fitted, dark skinny jeans and a black, silk camisole before pulling on my dark green, ankle high boots. I didn’t bother doing much with my hair aside from letting it down.

I looked at my watch. 8:45. I had only a few minutes to apply some light make-up and get down there to answer the door before one of the guys did. I was done and racing out my room by 8:52. Just when I thought I was in the clear, I ran face first into Zacky. I internally groaned but refused to let him see my mixture of frustration and sexual tension.

“You look incredible. Going somewhere?” Zacky whispered in my ear while he backed me up against the wall right beside the stairs. This had become a habit of his, pinning me to walls.

“Out for drinks.” I didn’t say with who, knowing that he would assume I was going out with Val.

“Mhmm.” He murmured lightly, his eyes fixated on my chest. Suddenly I regretted the revealing camisole top.

I couldn’t stop myself from moaning a little when Zacky let his fingers slide down a little between my breasts. My body lately had been more attuned to his than ever and he knew it. I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see his smirk.

“Come have drinks with me instead. In my room. Even better, in my bed.” Zacky whispered words against my neck and it took all of my self control not to succumb.

The distant sound of the front door opening downstairs pulled me from my thoughts. I lifted my arm and glanced at my watch. 8:56. Why the fuck did he have to be so punctual? I ducked under Zacky’s arm and raced down the stairs just in time to see Drew opening the door.

Normally, I would have been happy to see Drew instead of any of the other guys but not anymore. Lately torturing me had apparently served as a bonding factor between Drew and the guys. Drew proved to be just as needlessly protective as the rest. Not to mention he had clearly switched to Zacky’s side. Rather than tell me to stay away from him, Drew now agreed that I should be with Zacky.

“And what are your intentions with Toni?” I heard Drew asking as I came up behind him.

Ian stood in the doorway and looked over Drew’s shoulder at me.

“Drew, go away.” I said, shoving him away from the door.

“I just wanted to know what he’s doing with you.” Drew said, feigning innocence. And he would have looked far more innocent if he wasn’t giving Ian a look that a lion might give it’s prey. By now Jimmy, Matt, Johnny and Brian had come out of the lounge to see what was going on.

“So what are you doing with our Toni?” Jimmy asked, coming up behind me and wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

“Uh, I was just going to take her out for a few drinks?” Ian asked instead of told, seemingly a little confused and a little scared.

“Well, we love drinks, right guys?” Brian smirked.

“We sure do.” Jimmy grinned.

“Let’s all go get drinks then.” Matt wrapped his bulky arm around Ian’s shoulders.

I shot each of the guys a glare but they all just smiled back at me.

“Can you all just leave me the fuck alone tonight? For fuck’s sake, you too Drew?” I turned my glare on him and he just smiled and shrugged.

“We were just talking about how we wanted to go get drinks. Right guys?” Jimmy said, arm still around me.

All the guys nodded and smiled at Ian. Vicious smiles. And for a moment I didn’t think it could get any worse. But only for a moment because Zacky chose that moment to make his way down the stairs. And with that silent, commanding feeling Zacky exudes everyone quieted down and waited for him to say something.

“Who the fuck are you?” Zacky eyed Ian and waited.

Ian ran a hand through his hair before holding it out to Zacky.

“Ian.”

Zacky just looked down at his hand and then back up to his face. Ian pulled his hand back to his side and I noticed him hop lightly from foot to foot.

“I was just, uh, going to take Toni out for a few drinks. Are you guys her brothers or something?” Ian asked, looking around at the six burly men that were harassing him.

“Something like that.” Jimmy grinned that sadistic grin of his.

“We were just going to join them for some drinks.” Johnny looked over at Zacky and waited for him to make a move.

Some tiny part of me hoped that Zacky would call the guys off. That tiny part of me hoped that Zacky would, for this one night, be willing to just let me do what I felt I needed to do. A tiny part of me hoped that the night could still be saved.

“Let’s go then.” The stoic look left Zacky’s face and a smirk replaced it.

And that tiny part of me got stomped on.

I grabbed Ian’s hand and watched Zacky’s eyes flare with anger. I smiled, taking a little satisfaction in his anger, and pulled Ian out the door behind me. The car ride with Ian was nothing short of awkward. He kept glancing in his rearview mirror to see the guys following us in Jimmy’s beloved Hummer. I would have told him not to worry but the fucked up truth was that he had plenty of reason to worry. So instead I sat silently and bitched to myself.

We reached a large bar and Ian parked the car before hopping out. I followed him to the front, and before we had even made it inside I heard the guys approach behind us. Ten minutes later I found us all squeezed into one booth and the guys subtly torturing Ian with their questions. At some point in the night I just stopped listening. The guys were being assholes and Ian was successfully making himself seem like a dumbass. The guy let his nerves get to him and spent the entire time spilling drinks and stumbling on his words.

The next day during lunch I complained viciously to Val about the guy’s antics.

“It was fucking awful.” I groaned after retelling the whole night.

“Sounds funny to me.” Val said, taking a bite of her chicken salad.

“Not you too Val!” I shot my head up from my plate to look at her.

“You don’t want some wimp anyway.” Val laughed a little and shook her head. “It was a poor plan anyway. Find some poor fucker that you can use and abuse in an attempt to run from the fact that you’re in love with Zack.”

“I’m not running from anything.” I replied quickly.

“Hun, you’re turning denial into an art form.”

I rolled my eyes and changed the subject for the rest of lunch. Afterwards Val took me shopping in what she called an attempt to cheer me up despite the fact that we both knew I hated shopping and she found a perverse joy in it.

“So are you ready for tonight?” Val asked from inside of a changing room.

“Ready for what? A fresh new hell?” I responded lightly, playing with my nails while I waited for Val to finish.

“Cole’s cocktail party. Business for some pleasure for others. Zacky told you about this days ago so there’s no way in hell you’re getting out of it.”

“Fuck no. Tonight is a sit in with a pizza and a movie night for me.”

“Not happening.” Val said, coming out of the fitting room. “We all have to go. Zacky’s agreed to make an appearance and all his top men have to be there to. That includes you and me.”

I didn’t bother responding but I did shoot Val a glare to let her know how I felt about the entire situation.

“Don’t give me that look.” She smiled. “I’m just the messenger. Now come on, we have to go back and get ready.”

I looked down at my watch and groaned. It was going to be a long night.

A while later I found myself standing in front of the full length mirror in my bedroom. I wore a one strap, midnight blue cocktail dress that stopped a little above my knee. The dress had a low backline and flared a little from the waist on. As always I let my hair hang, loosely curled down my back.

The door opened and I looked up to see Drew walk in dressed in an expensive tux.

“How do I look?” He asked, holding his arms out to the side.

“Like an asshole.” I said with false happiness and a smile. I had already forgiven him for his fucked up behavior the night before but he didn’t need to know that.

“You don’t look to bad yourself.” He grinned.

I laughed a little, grabbing my shoes and walking over to my bed. The door opened again just as I pulled the black heels onto my feet.

“Hey Val.” I said, looking around my dresser for jewelry that would match the rest of my outfit.

“You look handsome.” I looked over my shoulder and saw Val fixing the cuff links on Drew’s suit. Val, like the other guys, decided that Drew was a good guy after he switched to their side of the battlefield. It’s almost sad really, fighting Zacky all by myself. Where was the support system that says ‘don’t do anything you don’t want to do’? The support system that says ‘don’t jump head first into another relationship with the big, bad mafia boss’?

“Almost ready to go?” Val asked as Drew left the room.

“Yeah.” I replied as I put on my last earring and turned to leave the room.

A little above an hour later I found myself milling around a large room filled with men and women, most of which were unfamiliar faces. Val and I circled the room together and she would occasionally stop to talk to a few people.

I grabbed a wine glass off a tray and waited for Val to catch up to me.

“This is a fucking waste of my time.” I said once she reached me.

“Relax hun, the night has just begun.”

I looked around the room and smiled a little to myself at that thought.

“You’re right, Val. The night is young and if Zacky is going to drag me here then I’m going to have some fun.”

“That’s the spirit.” Val said before catching the way I was surveying the room. “Don’t even think about it. No guy in this room will go near you if he values his career and his life.”

“You’d be surprised at how persuasive I can be.” I winked at Val before starting to walk around the room again.

I heard Val follow behind me, her steps faster and shorter than before.

“As your best friend and someone who knows what Zacky is capable of, I’m warning you not to do this. It’s one thing for you to bring home random strangers but messing around with any of the guys here is a bad idea. Zacky has power over all of them and won’t hesitate to break some bones. He won’t be as nice as he was to your Ian friend.”

“Oh was that the nice side?” I asked sarcastically, recalling what had happened the night before.

“It’s nice compared to what he’ll do to the guys here if he caught them with you.”

“Then keep your fingers crossed that I don’t get caught.” I looked over my shoulder at Val before walking over to the bar in the corner where men sat by themselves sipping drinks.

“Cranberry vodka.” I said to the bartender as I reached the bar.

Seconds later I felt a body slide closer to me. Men. They made it all too easy.

“What’s a woman like you doing here alone?” A deep voice came from beside me and I turned to face a tall, good looking brunette man. He looked clean-shaven and well put together but I could still spot the tattoos creeping up his neck. Classy with a bad streak. I liked it.

“Who says I’m alone?” I asked, leaning against the bar and looking him in the eye.

“Any man worth his salt wouldn’t let a gorgeous woman like you go get her own drink.” He leaned over a little so that we were almost at the same eye level. “So either you’re alone or you’re with a worthless sucker.”

“Miss.” The bartender caught my attention as he slid my drink to me.

“Aren’t you a little judgmental?”

“Yes,” He admitted, “and more than a little interested.”

We talked for a while and I learned his name was Leon. I didn’t bother asking what he did for a living considering where we were. With each passing minute he’d find a way to get closer and closer to me. Running his fingers along my shoulder one moment, stroking my hand the next. I wanted to feel something, anything, but all I could think about was how much better Zack was. How my nerve ends would only react to Zacky’s touch. How my breathe would only get caught in my throat when Zacky kissed my neck. And this guy, Leon, was no Zacky.

But speak of the devil and the devil doth appear in his personally tailored tuxedo. I spotted Zacky over Leon’s shoulder just moments before he spotted me. When Zacky looked away from the bartender he immediately caught my eye. His eyes filled with anger the moment he noticed how close Leon was standing to me.

I smirked and got on my tiptoes to nibble a little on Leon’s ear, not breaking eye contact with Zacky.

“Look who’s getting a little frisky.” Leon leaned in closer to me and put one hand on my waist, the other on my ass.

I watched Zacky watch me as I slid my hands over Leon’s shoulder and moved in closer to him. At this point, it would have been a hard feat to slide a sheet of paper between the two of us. I watched Zacky’s fist clench and his body tense, not unlike a lion preparing to attack.

I spun Leon a little to the side so that Zacky could get a better angle of the two of us. I watched Zacky’s eyes trail down to where Leon’s hand rested on my ass, pressing me closer to his groin. I tilted my head to the side so I could continue to watch Zacky while Leon bent over and placed light kisses along my neck.

Leon tilted my head towards his suddenly and smashed his lips against mine, shoving his tongue into my mouth. I hadn’t intended for him to go this far right next to the bar. Eyes open and slanted, I watched Zacky while Leon practically molested my mouth with his.

His eyes changed from anger to a pure explosion of rage. Before I could blink or finally push Leon away, Zacky was storming across the bar and yanking Leon away from me.

“Woah!” I heard Leon shout as he stumbled backwards. “Zack, hey.” Leon said looking utterly confused.

“Do you have any idea what you’re doing?” Zack asked, shoving Leon back against the bar and gripping his shirt.

“Zacky, stop it.” I said calmly, trying to push Zacky off of Leon.

“I asked you a fucking question.” Zacky’s voice was low and dangerous.

By now everyone around had backed up a little and I tried to look through the crowd to find one of the guys. There was no way I’d be able to get Zacky off of Leon by myself.

“Do you know what the fuck you are doing?” Zacky asked in that dangerously calm tone, slamming Leon against the bar again.

“I’m sorry man, did you want a go at her or -” Leon stumbled off, confusing and not knowing what to say.

I stopped searching through the crowds, no longer concerned with getting Zacky off of Leon. ‘Did you want a go at her’. The little fucker said it like I was some kind of whore.

“Excuse me?” I lowered my voice and spoke in that formidable way I had picked up from Zacky.

“I - I-” Leon stuttered, looking from Zacky back to me.

Finally I saw Brian and Jimmy burst through the crowds. Zacky must have seen them too because he loosened his grip on Leon and pushed him towards Brian and Jimmy.

“Take him outside.” He growled and Brian and Jimmy just nodded, gripping Leon in their hands.

“Zack, don’t be stupid-” I started to say but Zacky just grabbed my wrist and started to pull me away.

“Fucking let go.” I struggled against his hold but Zacky didn’t say a word as he pulled me behind him.

He wasn’t hurting me but I was far from enjoying being pulled about like a fucking rag doll. Moments later we were standing outside. I saw Brian holding a bloody nosed Leon up against the brick wall. The other guys and Val stood off to the side.

“Brian, put him down.” I scolded, yanking my arm from Zacky and walking over to Brian.

Brian ignored me and looked over at Zacky instead. Zacky nodded his head and Brian dropped Leon.

“Thanks, babe.” Leon coughed out, leaning back against the brick wall. Wrong answer.

Zack blew past me and suddenly Leon was being slammed against the brick wall again.

“Don’t you dare fucking call her that.” Zacky lifted a fist and I grabbed his arm before he could pummel Leon’s head into the wall.

“Stop it Zack.” I pulled him off of Leon and put both my hands on his face. “He’s not worth it, I don’t want him. I want you.”

Zacky, still angry, pushed me back against the brick wall and pinned me there.

“You better not be saying that to save this little fucker.”

I grabbed Zacky’s hair and pulled his face down to mine. Kissing him felt right. Not like kissing Leon or any other guy. I felt his body push up against mine, shoving my back against the brick wall. He grabbed my right leg and roughly yanked it up to his side, gripping his nails into my thigh. Zacky pulled away from the kiss and I was already attacking his tuxedo jacket.

“Don’t ever do that again. Get it through your stubborn, thick skull. You’re mine and no one else’s.” He growled in my ear.

“And you’re mine.” Smirking at the old possessive game we would always play.

“Always.” He whispered in my ear.

I had already started to undo the buttons on his shirt when someone coughed. I looked over his shoulder and noticed all the guys still standing there with smiles on their faces and Leon sitting on the floor trying to wipe the blood from his face.

“We’re still in public.” Jimmy grinned at the two of us.

Zacky buried his face in my neck, choosing to ignore the guys. He bit lightly down on my skin and I gasped.

“Zacky stop it. Jimmy’s right for once.”

“I don’t care.” Zacky growled in my ear. “Give them a show.” He ran his hand higher up my thigh, lifting my dress in the process.

“Oh so you want him” I nodded down at Leon, “to see me exposed and all.”

Zacky stopped suddenly and released me. He glared down at Leon and I could see his violent side coming back.

“Hey play nice.” I whispered in Zacky’s ear, wrapping my arms around him from behind. “Better yet, let’s go home and play.”

“Consider yourself very fucking lucky.” Zacky said to Leon before turning around and grabbing me by the waist.

“Jimmy keys.” Zacky said and held his hand out.

“I know the two of you are dying to get at each other but how will the rest of us get home?” Jimmy said, holding the keys to the hummer that we had all rode in.

“I don’t give a fuck.” Zacky muttered, not turning away from me.

“Jimmy’s right again. Let’s just wait until the end of the party.”

“No.” Zacky growled in my ear. “I want you now. You have no idea how badly I want you. The things I want to do to you.”

“Then just think of it as extended foreplay.” I pulled away from Zacky, smirking and walking back to the door.

I looked over my shoulder and waited for Zacky to walk over to me. He wrapped his arm around my waist and walked back inside with me held tightly to his side. We spent the rest of the night practically joined at the hip. He'd stroke my back and I’d rub up against him ’til the point where the sexual tension was almost unbearable. But I found that I was much happier playing this game with Zacky than I was playing the game of denial with myself.