Status: complete :)
Set on False Pretense
7
I stopped singing and looked at Chad. He seemed close to tears. I smiled at him slightly and he smiled back. He leant forward and kissed me softly and my heart raced. "Have you iced your cheek?" he asked and I smiled and shook my head. I wondered if he was going to say anything about the song I'd written for him. Maybe it hadn’t been that good. He looked at me for a second and then stood up, smiling. "I want to give you something back," he said and I looked up at him. "Do you have plain paper?" he asked and I nodded and pointed at the top cupboard in my desk where the paper is. He went and got it and then pulled a pencil from his pocket.
"You keep a drawing pencil in your pocket?" I asked and he smiled and nodded.
"You never know when you might need one," he said and I smiled. He then pulled my desk chair away from my table and moved it in front of me. He grabbed a large book from a shelf. "Can I lean on this?" he asked and I nodded as I watched him.
"You're going to draw me? But I look awful," I complained. I was ashamed by my cheek. I took hold of my fringe and tried to pull it over my eye and cheek to hide the bruising. Chad set the book and paper down on the chair and came over to me.
"You're beautiful," he whispered, kissing my nose. I smiled weakly. He adjusted my hair slightly and told me to play my guitar. I smiled and did as I was told, thinking of music to a new song. I looked down at my guitar as I played and Chad sat in the chair and I heard the sound of pencil sliding over paper. I was very aware that he was drawing me, but then I got lost in the music I was playing and forgot.
I don’t know how much later it was, but I finally looked up. "Have you finished?" I asked him.
"I love watching you play," he said softly. I smiled, aware he hadn’t answered my question. "Yes, I finished." I smiled again.
"Can I see it?" I asked him and he suddenly grew unsure of himself.
"I-I'm not sure it's that good," he said feebly. I frowned slightly and stood up and went and stood behind him. I looked down at the paper in his hands. It was me...apart from I looked...I mean...I appeared to be...pretty...
"That's not me," I whispered, my hand coming self-consciously to my cheek. Chad looked up at me and took my hand away from my cheek.
"Yes it is," he whispered. I continued to gaze at the drawing. "This is how I see you."
"Why?" I whispered. Chad put the book and drawing on the floor next to him and then pulled me into his lap.
"No matter what other people think or say," Chad whispered. "No one is more beautiful than you. Something inside of you just shines out." I smiled at him and kissed him tenderly. I was suddenly so very in love with this boy I couldn’t believe my luck. Chad deepened the kiss but then his phone started ringing in his pocket. He moaned and pulled it out, glanced at the screen and answered with a disgruntled, "Yeah?" I moved to straddle his lap. The chair didn't have arms so I could push our bodies together closely. I could hear Max yelling over the phone as I leant forward and softly kissed Chad's neck. Chad's free hand went to my waist and held me to him tightly. I smiled and I pressed light kisses to his tanned skin and then put my hands up his shirt and brushed my fingers over his chest and nipples. I heard him gasp and snap his phone shut and throw it to the other side of the room. He then took hold of my face, but carefully due to the bruises, and kissed me passionately. I continued to stroke his chest and then he was standing up and holding me still round his waist. I was momentarily shocked but then I tightened my legs around his hips and wrapped my arms around his chest under his shirt. He moaned as our crotches rubbed together and he carried me to the bed. We laid down as if we were one body and Chad immediately started kissing me again. I felt him pushing up my shirt and felt his warm strong fingers on my skin. I moaned and arched my back into him. I felt old bruises on my ribs throb but I ignored it. Chad kissed my lips once more and then kissed down my neck, over my shirt which was bunched around the top of my chest, and finally kissed my skin. I gasped as he kissed my nipple but then he pulled away suddenly. I looked up at him in confusion and saw him looking at my body in horror. I realised he had seen the bruises.
My arousal disappeared and I was suddenly very conscious of my body. I couldn’t move because Chad was still straddling my hips, but I moved my arms to cover what I could. "Will," he whispered, pain in his voice. I looked up at him waiting for him to say something about how horrible I looked. "Why didn't you tell me?" I just shrugged. "I would have been more careful. Did I hurt you?" I gazed at him. He was worried he'd hurt me? He didn't think I looked ugly with the gross yellow bruises.
"No," I whispered. "You didn't hurt me." Chad looked down at me sadly and then softly stroked the bruises.
"When did he do this?" he asked and I looked away from him and fought back tears.
"Last week sometime," I said, my voice hoarse. Chad got off me and lay next to me and rolled my shirt back down.
"I still think you're beautiful," he whispered as he held me to his chest. I leant my head on his shoulder and smiled up at him.
"Chad, why haven’t you told anyone you're gay?" I whispered after a short silence. I didn't think he was going to reply but then he sighed as he looked at the ceiling.
"I just...can't," he whispered and I leant up on my elbow to look down at him. "I want to...I want to so I can be with you properly. But...I'm scared. My dad will hate me, my team will..." He trailed off and shook his head. I stroked his cheek softly.
"It's okay," I whispered softly. "I know what you mean. And you can be with me anytime you want, like now. You're with me properly now."
"But when we get back to school..." he said and I saw tears forming in his eyes. "I'll have to pretend that I don’t know you, that I don’t like you." I thought about that for a second and realised he was right and I didn't want to have to do that either.
"When you want me, text me and I will come to you," I whispered as I stroked his hair away from his face. He smiled at me tenderly but neither of us really knew what to say next to end this tender moment without ruining it. I sat up and held his hand and pulled him up as well. "What do you want for lunch?" As soon as I had said it I realised how stupid I must sound but Chad didn't react that way. He smiled at me lovingly and kissed my cheek. Maybe I had done that right...
We went downstairs and into the kitchen. Empty beer bottles lay on the counter and I got embarrassed. "Um..." I said, trying to think of something to say. Chad didn't say anything, just wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me. I smiled and then went to the fridge. "What do you want?" I asked him and he came and stood behind me, leaning his chin on my head. I held his hand which was resting on my waist. I grabbed the bread and the butter and Chad grabbed ham and cheese. We worked together to make the sandwiches, the sides of our bodies touching from our shoulders down to our feet. I smiled up at Chad and he smiled back.
"Knife?" he asked and I pointed towards the draw. He went over to it but paused. "Have you seen this?" he asked and I looked over to see he was holding a piece of paper.
"No," I frowned as I put the buttered bread down. "What is it?"
"A...note from your dad," he said and I frowned even more.
"Saying?" I asked and Chad glanced up at me before reading the note.
"'I'm going away for a couple days, don't ruin the house. Dad.'" Chad said frowning slightly and I laughed bitterly at the warmth in my dad's words – note the sarcasm. "What happened with you and your dad?" he asked and I could see how wary he was. I bit my lip and then leant on the counter, facing him.
"It was always my mum who...I could talk to. I told her I was gay before she died and she didn't think badly about me because of it. I wanted her to know before she died. She died a month later," I said, my voice wavering slightly. Chad crossed the room and held my hand supportively. "When she died, dad tried to take her place. He tried to...get closer to me and...force a friendship between us. So, trying to make our relationship stronger, I told him I was gay. But it was a huge mistake. He hates me now. He thinks I'm gay to spite him for something he did to me. He...normally comes back from work, drinks tons and, if he can, he hits me." I frowned and leaned in towards him and rested against his shoulder. "I know that if my mum was still around he'd be more accepting...I wish I'd told them both at the same time so mum could talk my dad through it..." I shook my head and wrapped my arms around Chad's waist. We were silent for a while but I broke it. "That's why you won't tell your parents, isn't it?" I whispered and I felt Chad tense beneath me. "You're afraid your dad will react in the same way mine has..."
"You keep a drawing pencil in your pocket?" I asked and he smiled and nodded.
"You never know when you might need one," he said and I smiled. He then pulled my desk chair away from my table and moved it in front of me. He grabbed a large book from a shelf. "Can I lean on this?" he asked and I nodded as I watched him.
"You're going to draw me? But I look awful," I complained. I was ashamed by my cheek. I took hold of my fringe and tried to pull it over my eye and cheek to hide the bruising. Chad set the book and paper down on the chair and came over to me.
"You're beautiful," he whispered, kissing my nose. I smiled weakly. He adjusted my hair slightly and told me to play my guitar. I smiled and did as I was told, thinking of music to a new song. I looked down at my guitar as I played and Chad sat in the chair and I heard the sound of pencil sliding over paper. I was very aware that he was drawing me, but then I got lost in the music I was playing and forgot.
I don’t know how much later it was, but I finally looked up. "Have you finished?" I asked him.
"I love watching you play," he said softly. I smiled, aware he hadn’t answered my question. "Yes, I finished." I smiled again.
"Can I see it?" I asked him and he suddenly grew unsure of himself.
"I-I'm not sure it's that good," he said feebly. I frowned slightly and stood up and went and stood behind him. I looked down at the paper in his hands. It was me...apart from I looked...I mean...I appeared to be...pretty...
"That's not me," I whispered, my hand coming self-consciously to my cheek. Chad looked up at me and took my hand away from my cheek.
"Yes it is," he whispered. I continued to gaze at the drawing. "This is how I see you."
"Why?" I whispered. Chad put the book and drawing on the floor next to him and then pulled me into his lap.
"No matter what other people think or say," Chad whispered. "No one is more beautiful than you. Something inside of you just shines out." I smiled at him and kissed him tenderly. I was suddenly so very in love with this boy I couldn’t believe my luck. Chad deepened the kiss but then his phone started ringing in his pocket. He moaned and pulled it out, glanced at the screen and answered with a disgruntled, "Yeah?" I moved to straddle his lap. The chair didn't have arms so I could push our bodies together closely. I could hear Max yelling over the phone as I leant forward and softly kissed Chad's neck. Chad's free hand went to my waist and held me to him tightly. I smiled and I pressed light kisses to his tanned skin and then put my hands up his shirt and brushed my fingers over his chest and nipples. I heard him gasp and snap his phone shut and throw it to the other side of the room. He then took hold of my face, but carefully due to the bruises, and kissed me passionately. I continued to stroke his chest and then he was standing up and holding me still round his waist. I was momentarily shocked but then I tightened my legs around his hips and wrapped my arms around his chest under his shirt. He moaned as our crotches rubbed together and he carried me to the bed. We laid down as if we were one body and Chad immediately started kissing me again. I felt him pushing up my shirt and felt his warm strong fingers on my skin. I moaned and arched my back into him. I felt old bruises on my ribs throb but I ignored it. Chad kissed my lips once more and then kissed down my neck, over my shirt which was bunched around the top of my chest, and finally kissed my skin. I gasped as he kissed my nipple but then he pulled away suddenly. I looked up at him in confusion and saw him looking at my body in horror. I realised he had seen the bruises.
My arousal disappeared and I was suddenly very conscious of my body. I couldn’t move because Chad was still straddling my hips, but I moved my arms to cover what I could. "Will," he whispered, pain in his voice. I looked up at him waiting for him to say something about how horrible I looked. "Why didn't you tell me?" I just shrugged. "I would have been more careful. Did I hurt you?" I gazed at him. He was worried he'd hurt me? He didn't think I looked ugly with the gross yellow bruises.
"No," I whispered. "You didn't hurt me." Chad looked down at me sadly and then softly stroked the bruises.
"When did he do this?" he asked and I looked away from him and fought back tears.
"Last week sometime," I said, my voice hoarse. Chad got off me and lay next to me and rolled my shirt back down.
"I still think you're beautiful," he whispered as he held me to his chest. I leant my head on his shoulder and smiled up at him.
"Chad, why haven’t you told anyone you're gay?" I whispered after a short silence. I didn't think he was going to reply but then he sighed as he looked at the ceiling.
"I just...can't," he whispered and I leant up on my elbow to look down at him. "I want to...I want to so I can be with you properly. But...I'm scared. My dad will hate me, my team will..." He trailed off and shook his head. I stroked his cheek softly.
"It's okay," I whispered softly. "I know what you mean. And you can be with me anytime you want, like now. You're with me properly now."
"But when we get back to school..." he said and I saw tears forming in his eyes. "I'll have to pretend that I don’t know you, that I don’t like you." I thought about that for a second and realised he was right and I didn't want to have to do that either.
"When you want me, text me and I will come to you," I whispered as I stroked his hair away from his face. He smiled at me tenderly but neither of us really knew what to say next to end this tender moment without ruining it. I sat up and held his hand and pulled him up as well. "What do you want for lunch?" As soon as I had said it I realised how stupid I must sound but Chad didn't react that way. He smiled at me lovingly and kissed my cheek. Maybe I had done that right...
We went downstairs and into the kitchen. Empty beer bottles lay on the counter and I got embarrassed. "Um..." I said, trying to think of something to say. Chad didn't say anything, just wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me. I smiled and then went to the fridge. "What do you want?" I asked him and he came and stood behind me, leaning his chin on my head. I held his hand which was resting on my waist. I grabbed the bread and the butter and Chad grabbed ham and cheese. We worked together to make the sandwiches, the sides of our bodies touching from our shoulders down to our feet. I smiled up at Chad and he smiled back.
"Knife?" he asked and I pointed towards the draw. He went over to it but paused. "Have you seen this?" he asked and I looked over to see he was holding a piece of paper.
"No," I frowned as I put the buttered bread down. "What is it?"
"A...note from your dad," he said and I frowned even more.
"Saying?" I asked and Chad glanced up at me before reading the note.
"'I'm going away for a couple days, don't ruin the house. Dad.'" Chad said frowning slightly and I laughed bitterly at the warmth in my dad's words – note the sarcasm. "What happened with you and your dad?" he asked and I could see how wary he was. I bit my lip and then leant on the counter, facing him.
"It was always my mum who...I could talk to. I told her I was gay before she died and she didn't think badly about me because of it. I wanted her to know before she died. She died a month later," I said, my voice wavering slightly. Chad crossed the room and held my hand supportively. "When she died, dad tried to take her place. He tried to...get closer to me and...force a friendship between us. So, trying to make our relationship stronger, I told him I was gay. But it was a huge mistake. He hates me now. He thinks I'm gay to spite him for something he did to me. He...normally comes back from work, drinks tons and, if he can, he hits me." I frowned and leaned in towards him and rested against his shoulder. "I know that if my mum was still around he'd be more accepting...I wish I'd told them both at the same time so mum could talk my dad through it..." I shook my head and wrapped my arms around Chad's waist. We were silent for a while but I broke it. "That's why you won't tell your parents, isn't it?" I whispered and I felt Chad tense beneath me. "You're afraid your dad will react in the same way mine has..."
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