Tell Me How You Love Me Now

Christmas Eve went fairly well. I never had a Christmas Eve with the whole family for a long time. At least with no one missing. With my real family, it’s either my mom was missing or my dad. When I am unlucky, they are both not present. This year’s Christmas Eve must be the best one I ever had, despite the fact that they are not my real family.

I woke up, feeling a little sleepy. We all slept late last night. I slowly walk down the stairs where I heard laughing from.

I immediately saw Beth and Carl videotaping Diane as she opened her gifts. I smiled while seeing this.

“Good morning Kay! Are you hungry? You can get food from the kitchen” Beth smiled at me

I nodded and went in the kitchen. Surprisingly, Elliot was there already.

“Up already?” I ask him and sat on a chair

“I just got up too actually” he answered while eating

“Oh” I nodded

“Did… did your dad call?” he asked

“Uh, nope. Not yet. I bet he slept late last night from working” I said

I actually feel good that I can talk to someone about my dad. Elliot is honestly the only person who knows about my breakdowns whenever my dad would choose work before me. He is actually the only one around here who has ever seen me breakdown. I feel like he is a whole different person whenever he comforts me. It’s like we had a connection.

“I am sure he’ll call before the day ends” he smiled to me that genuine smile I like about him

“Yeah, I hope” I said, still hoping that he will “Oh yeah, my gift!” I said

“You have a gift for me?” he asked

‘Of course! Wait, I’ll just get it from my room” I stood up and ran up my room to grab my gift for him

I was actually thinking twice on whether I would give him a gift or not. Sometimes he pisses me off that it made me not want to give him one but there are rare times wherein he makes me feel especially good. I chose to buy a gift just in case I wanted to give him one. It is better than wanting to give him one and not having anything to give. I already bought just in case.

“Here” I said, handing him the box

“Wow, thanks” he mumbled, opening the gift “Whoa there. Are you really giving me this?” he asked, with wide eyes

“Yeah sure.” I smiled to him “Merry Christmas”

“You are seriously giving me all these drum accessories? These are expensive!” he said, waving the headphones and pads

“Those are for your own sake. I know that drumming can make you feel numb and all. The headphones will help you concentrate more. I know the guitar can make drumming a little confusing” I said

“Thanks Kay” he smiled up to me “I appreciate this. I never thought you’d bother getting me a gift and especially not as expensive as this”

“Welcome. Although we haven’t always been good with each other, we had our moments” I joked

“Yeah, sure, we had moments” he said sarcastically “Anyway, I also have a gift for you actually.”

“Really? Now that’s a surprise” I laughed

“Here” he gave me a small box wrapped a little poorly

“I am guessing that you wrapped this by yourself?”

“Yes, I tried” he said with an embarrassed voice “But it’s the thought that counts right?”

“Sure. It’s the thought” I say while opening the small gift

I can’t help but feel touched about the gift. It was a bracelet with little microphones dangling around it. It’s not luxurious but it’s really personal. I like it.

“I know that you like singing and you have a great voice so I wanted to give you something connected with it. I really think you should enhance your talent. I hope that when you do, you wear that bracelet.”

“Thank you, Elliot. I love it” I smiled, looking at the bracelet “Can you help me wear it?” I ask, giving it to him

“Alright”

He put it around my wrist and pinned it.

“It’s so nice” I cooed

“Welcome” he chuckled “I cant believe we exchanged gifts in the kitchen”

“What? It’s different. Everyone else always does it in the living room where the Christmas tree is. We are unique” I tell him

He laughed

“Yeah sure”

I feel my phone vibrate in my pants. I quickly grab it and pressed answer

“Hello?”

“Hi, It’s Luke”

“Hey” I must say, I was disappointed that it wasn’t my dad. I should have checked the caller ID

“Hey Luke” I greet back, trying to sound happy

I immediately notice Elliot go stiff and bow down his head looking down the table.

“Merry Christmas too... oh yeah? You like it?” I ask him then he asked me back about his gift to me

“Uhm, actually I haven opened your gift yet. I’ll be opening it later though” I tell him.

After talking for a few minuets, we both hung up

I shyly look at Elliot. He was still looking down the table

“Hey, what’s up? Is this one of your mood swings again?” I joked

“Huh? I am fine” he said, looking up at me

“Really? Just a while ago you looked like you’ll be sick”

“I am fine now” he smiled

I feel happier now. It’s like me and Elliot has a connection again. I just don’t understand why sometimes he kinda changes. I have never felt more comfortable with anyone than with Elliot. It’s funny how he can make me feel like I am the worst person in the world but at the same time make me feel the best feeling I have ever felt in my life. Difference He gives me these emotions that sometimes I don’t understand myself. I feel alive with him. I think this is the difference whenever I am with Luke.

To be honest, I don’t feel like myself with him because I always feel extremely happy and I am not always happy. I am not that kind of person. What if my feelings for Luke are just for friendship? Or worst, what if I only have a crush on him that’s why I can’t stop but smile whenever I see him? I am so confused… yet again.