Skin and Bones

I walk into my class. I sit in the far back. I always do.

As class begins, all I can think about is food. All the candy Mikey’s gonna serve me when we get to his house. The dinner I’m gonna be forced to eat tonight. The apple earlier.

I get a little sick thinking about that apple, and the way I must’ve gorged it in me. I take a swig of water and swallow it slowly. I’m still a little nauseous. I take a few big gulps of water. Soon the bottle is empty.
I put the cap back on the empty bottle and put it on the edge of the table.

I can’t eat anymore today. Not if I wanna stay on my diet. Even eating that entire apple was too much. I broke my diet.
I shouldn’t eat dinner tonight.

I got it: If I stay at the Way’s house long enough, then I can just go home and say that I ate at their house – that they eat dinner early. Then I could just go to my room and go to sleep. Then I’d still be sticking to my diet.

But eating that entire apple was still too much. I shouldn’t have ate that much. Usually I barely eat anything at lunch, ‘cause then I can eat a somewhat normal amount of dinner.
I never really eat anything for breakfast. Only on weekends when my mom makes pancakes, but then I also wake up late so that I can skip lunch.

The apple was too much – way too much. People usually worry about me not eating anything in school, but I just tell them I had a big breakfast. No one would know that it’s a lie.
I can’t get the apple off my mind. It disgusts me to think that it at the moment is sloshing around in my stomach. The mere thought makes my stomach ache, and I can feel a pressure built in my throat. I know how this ends up.
I raise my hand.

“Yes, Mr. Iero?” the teacher asks. I bring down my hand, before I swallow hard.

“Can I please be excused?” I croak out, before I swallow hard again. The teacher must be able to see I’m about to blow chunks, ‘cause she nods and lets me quickly exit the room.
I practically run down the hall – one hand on my stomach, the other covering my mouth.
I run into the bathroom and into a stall where I fall to my knees. My stomach empties easily. My throat burns and my eyes hurt as I squeeze my eyes shut. The tears still escape, though.

I’m so pathetic.

The bile in the bowl is mainly clear – only a few bits of what probably used to be apple. It makes me sick looking at it, so I close my eyes. It helps.

When the burning in my throat has stopped, I get up from the floor. I flush. The running of water makes me realize I have to pee, so I open my pants as I’m standing there.
In the middle of me emptying my bladder, I hear someone walk in. I don’t think much of it. That is until the door to the stall slams against my back.
I manage to grab onto the cistern and luckily break my fall before I fall into the toilet.

“Fuck. Sorry,” I hear from behind me. I straighten up, shake, and close my pants. Then I turn around.
“Oh. Hi Frank.” I’m frozen. I can’t move. My body is so frozen, I can’t even blush. It’s Gerard. Fuck. How embarrassing.
“You okay?” he asks and frowns.
“You look a little pale.” I swallow and snap out of my frozen state.

“I- I’m fine.” My voice is shaky.
Gerard wrinkles he’s nose and frowns deeper. He thinks my voice is disgusting. I don’t blame him. It’s way too high and shrill.

“Have you been throwing up?” I quickly shut my mouth. My breath must be disgusting. I gross him out.
I look down in shame.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You want me to take you to the nurse?” I shake my head.
“Okay. But I think you should wash your face before you go back to class.” I look up at him and nod. But he thinks I look disgusting. I look back down.
“Okay. I’ll see you later,” he says, before he walks off and into the next stall. I walk over to the mirror. I glance at myself, but quickly look down at the sink instead. I focus on washing my hands and washing my face – never looking up at myself.

I get out of the bathroom before Gerard gets out of the stall. I don’t want to bother him with my ugliness.

I walk back to class. Just as I reach for the door handle, I hear the door to the bathroom open. I look towards the sound and see Gerard exit and walk away from where I’m standing. I look down at his ass as it sways from one side to the other in a highly seductive way. I look up at his soft hair, before he swiftly turns a corner. I look down at the door handle. I’m so damn disgusting. I’m nowhere near as attractive as Gerard. I don’t deserve him.

I take a deep breath to clear my eyes of any possible tears, before I open the door and walk in.